12 Jun, 2011
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic|Sex Joke
Last night I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Coors Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
Later I tried to explain to her how the beer would make her look ten times better at night than the cold cream.
The swelling in my right eye finally went down enough for me to see around three this afternoon.
11 Jun, 2011
Posted by: admin In: Funny Pictures|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic|Sex Joke
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she quickly answered and then turned away.
Thinking I could win her over with charm, I then asked, “Is that your final answer?”
This time she didn’t even turn around before simply saying, “No.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend…”
I had no idea you could get a concussion from a cell phone…
I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
Needless to say I spent our anniversary alone, bleeding, and in the emergency room.
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this Father?”
The father, never having seen an elevator before, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son….. “Go get your Mother.”
At a time when most Americans, such as your friend Blakk Frogg, find themselves skimping on ‘luxuries’ in life (i.e. bacon and imported beer) so that they can afford to put gas in their tanks just to get to work, the oil companies teeter on the brink of posting, yet again, RECORD profits.
Will someone PLEASE explain to a hard working American WHY the government has NOT made the connection between continually rising gas prices and astronomical oil company profits?
Oh, and before Blakk Frogg finishes this little rant he wants to ask another important question: Have the oil companies re-invested money in to their infrastructure in preparation for the next time a disaster — man made (terrorist) or natural — slams the Gulf Coast?
It would speak VOLUMES of the oil companies’ commitment to keeping the life blood of this Nation flowing if we could, for once, go to the pump and see the prices go DOWN instead of UP every single time a goat farts in the Middle East.
Leave it to Blakk Frogg to stumble over Harry Baals in the news, right?
Apparently a man had that name in the mid 1900’s and did a good job as Mayor in an Indiana town… but probably won’t get a building named after him in his honor because simple-minded people (like Blakk Frogg) might use the actual pronunciation of the man’s name as the butt of a joke.
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — A former Indiana mayor who won four terms in the 1930s and 1950s is proving less popular with modern-day city leaders, who say they probably won’t name a new government center for him because of the jokes his moniker could inspire.
Harry Baals is the runaway favorite in online voting to name the new building in Fort Wayne, about 120 miles northeast of Indianapolis. But Deputy Mayor Beth Malloy said that probably won’t be enough to put the name of the city’s longest-tenured mayor on the center.
The issue is pronunciation. The former mayor pronounced his last name “balls.” His descendants have since changed it to “bales.”
Supporters said it’s unfair that the former mayor can’t be recognized simply because his name makes some people snicker. But opponents fear that naming the center after Baals would make Fort Wayne the target of late-night television jokes. ( source )
Having said that, Blakk Frogg has often wondered why people give their children names that will get them made fun of throughout grammar school, picked on in middle school and possible beat up routinely in high school.
Just IMAGINE the torment that Harry Baals went through as a young man… To quote Marlon Brando, “The Horrors… The Horrors…”
Harry Baals did not suffer alone
In his younger years Blakk Frogg had the fortunate pleasure of stumbling across another person with a truly condemning name: Harry Woodcock.
Really? WTF, people? What drugs did the parents take right before answering the question of what they want to name their children? Or, did the parents secretly not want the kids and take out their aggressions by giving them a lifetime of teasing?
We will probably never know, but one thing we know for sure: People with names like Harry Woodcock and Harry Baals have had verrrrry rough lives and have wanted to off their parents from the very first time a kid on the school bus made fun of their name.
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
The boy looked back at the dog, paused for a few moments, and asked, ‘What did he do?’
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’
20 Jan, 2011
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes
I was in Costco the other day, pushing a cart around, when I collided with a young guy also pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going..”
The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s just a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
So, I said, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”
I said, “That doesn’t matter. Let’s look for yours.”
