Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Blakk Frogg Speaks

Rather than face a situation that immediately presses us, we dodge issues by robotically (not a word, we know…) disengaging and then, seemingly without a second’s pause, sending our feelings via text message not to the person with whom the issue began, but rather to a different person that will take our side.

At what point in the evolution of humanity did we lose the ability to just… ‘duke it out’?

With all this technology at our disposal, and the means to communicate our sincere thoughts across miles, time zones, and even across the greatest expanse of our planet, one would THINK that we, as a supposedly intelligent species, would have gotten better at personal interactions — before we decided to make our thoughts potentially worldwide via all these neat, convenient tools for expression (venting).

Oops. As I write this, I cannot help but feel that I, too, may have lost sight of reality, the purpose of living, and why I got up this morning.

Tap tap, type type, text — Send.

So… Which do YOU think best represents the attitude and disposition of the United States these days?

Americas Best MySpace Patriotic Comments

No matter what Blakk Frogg thinks about certain aspects of the Unites States these days, he know for SURE that he would not want to live in any other country. Throughout his life as a US Citizen he has readily identified hundreds of advantages he has in this country that he would have a hard time finding in any other country.

Here in the US he can go out his front door at any hour of the day or night without fear of rioting (95% of the time), walk or drive to a variety of grocery stores with shelves fully stocked shelves where he can purchase what he wants rather than what he can find, and then he can go home and surf an uncensored internet for things like… well, that last part’s none of your damn business! 😉

For those who wish to lambast the United States left and right, top to bottom, and THEN have the nerve not to renounce their US Citizenship, please forward me your address so this fellow can pay you a visit.

Simply Frogg and Americas Best

The time has come to stop whining about too much foam in our lattes, fellow Americans, and start acting like the lucky SOB’s that we are!

While trolling through some older web pages in Blakk Frogg’s portfolio of fun he came across this older piece that he feels needs to get re-published. Enjoy!

Some rumors ring true. Blakk Frogg has some serious height issues. Some people call him Extra Tall. Others refer to him as a Giant. Everyone calls him an a$$hole.

Below you will see true statements from people regarding Blakk Frogg’s 6’8″ stature and the responses he gave:

Them: Wow. You must have a hard time finding clothes!
Blakk Frogg: Not really. With all two stores in the state carrying things in my size, well, it’s quite easy to find old, out-dated crap no one else would wear.

Them: Where do you find shoes that big?
Blakk Frogg: I don’t. I sneak up behind an appropriately sized animal and ram my foot up its ass. Shock kills the critter instantly and I then wear the carcass as a shoe until it rots and falls off or the smell gets too unbearable.

Them (male): Wow. You’re tall. Do you have trouble kissing girls?
Blakk Frogg: Are you asking if I’m gay? Why the hell would you think tall people are gay? Did you get molested by a man on stilts as a child?

Them: You MUST play basketball!
Blakk Frogg: No, actually I’m a jockey at the horse track. You should see the size of my horse!

Them: Did you breast feed?
Blakk Frogg: Not this morning, no.

Them: Were your parents tall?
Blakk Frogg: At first they were giants but as the years passed they kept appearing shorter and shorter to me…. really weird.

Them: Were you always this tall?
Blakk Frogg: Yes, and you should have been there to see the look on my mom’s face and the stretch marks created when she gave birth to me.

Them: You used to drink a lot of milk, I bet.
Blakk Frogg: Actually, I used to just take whole bites out of them. More protein that way.

Them: What’s it like to be that tall?
Blakk Frogg: Same as it is to be your height, except it’s easier to look down girls’ shirts.

Them (male): At your height you must get to look down a lot of blouses, eh?
Blakk Frogg: Yeah, and at your height you must get to look up a lot of skirts/dresses, eh?

Them: How’s the weather up there?
Blakk Frogg: I’m sorry. Could you repeat that? I was busy talking with God just now… and He’s PISSED that you interrupted!

Them (female): I dated a guy your height one time.
Blakk Frogg: Only one time? I guess he didn’t like you much, either.

Just… WOW. When Blakk Frogg read this Dear Abby article he nearly choked on his breakfast. Ha ha. 18-yr old daughter lost her job and now wants to become a prostitute.

Sound like something too hard to believe? Read the full article here on Yahoo! and see for yourself, ua’ filthy bunch of non-believers!

Blakk Frogg’s Humble Opinion

Hilarious. An eighteen year old honestly believes that selling her body to any Tom, DICK or Harry will allow her to make more money and live a better life. What the Hell kind of upbringing did this girl have that she would really think a life of debauchery for hire on the seedy (another good pun!) side of life makes any kind of sense?

Congratulations, Mom (and others), on waiting until the last minute to let your daughter know that a fast-paced career on her knees won’t pay off in the end.

There will be no happy ending; except for the customer.

Deciding to become a stripper
Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Please note that although Blakk Frogg opted to use the above funny stripper joke image in this posting, he does NOT equate adult entertainment w/ prostitution. He definitely sees a difference between a young woman ‘dancing for dollars’ around poles and a young woman spreading her holes for strangers’ poles!

21 Nov, 2011

Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp… at Walmart

Posted by: admin In: Jokes

Never thought I’d ever see something in Walmart that I simply just cannot live without… until now. For Christmas I’d like a “Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Naturally I wonder what sort of options the Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp comes with. A bib, perhaps? And can you order your Sip-n-Slurp in a choice of hair colors? Body type? Suction rating?

10 Sep, 2011

An American Moment. . .

Posted by: admin In: Jokes

What’s more American than listening to G’n’R Paradise City in the garage, drinking beer, cleaning the garage, and making sure the kids don’t kill each other. . . with meat on the grill. . firearms safely stored. . just got permission from the neighbor to walk in his yard to stain that side of the fence. . and Free Bird just started playing?

God (or whatever deity you believe in) has blessed this Country. Return the blessing by helping those around you!

Pass it on if ya’ think this makes sense!

Blakk Frogg says, “I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag…”

While perusing the Web looking for, um, bacon, of course, Blakk Frogg saw the following information: Hurricane Irene’s impact expected to break records, meaning recovery could potentially cost more than any other disaster in the Nation’s history…

It made him wonder, though… Will other countries hold concerts, fundraisers, etc. to assist?

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

09 Feb, 2011

What’s Wrong With Harry Baals?

Posted by: admin In: Jokes

Leave it to Blakk Frogg to stumble over Harry Baals in the news, right?

Apparently a man had that name in the mid 1900’s and did a good job as Mayor in an Indiana town… but probably won’t get a building named after him in his honor because simple-minded people (like Blakk Frogg) might use the actual pronunciation of the man’s name as the butt of a joke.

FORT WAYNE, Ind. — A former Indiana mayor who won four terms in the 1930s and 1950s is proving less popular with modern-day city leaders, who say they probably won’t name a new government center for him because of the jokes his moniker could inspire.

Harry Baals is the runaway favorite in online voting to name the new building in Fort Wayne, about 120 miles northeast of Indianapolis. But Deputy Mayor Beth Malloy said that probably won’t be enough to put the name of the city’s longest-tenured mayor on the center.

The issue is pronunciation. The former mayor pronounced his last name “balls.” His descendants have since changed it to “bales.”

Supporters said it’s unfair that the former mayor can’t be recognized simply because his name makes some people snicker. But opponents fear that naming the center after Baals would make Fort Wayne the target of late-night television jokes. ( source )

Having said that, Blakk Frogg has often wondered why people give their children names that will get them made fun of throughout grammar school, picked on in middle school and possible beat up routinely in high school.

Just IMAGINE the torment that Harry Baals went through as a young man… To quote Marlon Brando, “The Horrors… The Horrors…”

Harry Baals did not suffer alone

In his younger years Blakk Frogg had the fortunate pleasure of stumbling across another person with a truly condemning name: Harry Woodcock.

Really? WTF, people? What drugs did the parents take right before answering the question of what they want to name their children? Or, did the parents secretly not want the kids and take out their aggressions by giving them a lifetime of teasing?

We will probably never know, but one thing we know for sure: People with names like Harry Woodcock and Harry Baals have had verrrrry rough lives and have wanted to off their parents from the very first time a kid on the school bus made fun of their name.

Americas Best MySpace Random Comments

Mr T Wants Your Bacon!

During the month of March 2010 your good friend Blakk Frogg had a lot of ups and downs. When he had beer and bacon, he felt great. When he ran out of either, or both, he felt like his bacon-loving had all gotten crushed by a fat woman’s bulbous rear end.

Although completely unrelated, he now gives you the most popular pages from Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog — whether you like it or not.

2009 has come and gone just as all the years before it and at various times throughout 2009 everyone laughed, cried, held their breath at times, panicked a bit, flew off the handle a few dozen times. . . and maybe some of you lucky bastards even got laid a few times.

In honor of last year’s timely demise, Blakk Frogg will now reveal the most popular Blakk Frogg Joke Blog Postings for the Filthy-Minded Masses. Enjoy!

Well we hope you enjoyed 2009’s most popular perversions and will continue to tune into Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog in 2010… ‘cuz we promise to keep posting stuff you will most likely deny ever reading!

Oh, and before we go, you really should Click Here to See Me Naked. Ha ha…

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About This Site

First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.

  • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
  • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
  • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]