Three guys — a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total” says the Genie.
The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was [...]

A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you, Mr. American, for letting me in this country, giving me housing, foodstamps, free medical care, and free education!”
The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am Mexican.”
The man goes [...]

Two patients limp into two different Medical Clinics with the same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The second sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an [...]

A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the walls were covered with clocks. He asked the woman who owned the cottage what all the clocks were for.
She replied that everyone in the world had a clock, and every time you told a lie your clock advanced a second.
He saw [...]

Two Iraqi spies met in a busy restaurant after they had successfully slipped into the U.S. The first spy starts speaking in Arabic.
The second spy hushes him quickly and whispers: “Don’t blow our cover. You’re in America now, speak Spanish.”
Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one. All [...]

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him.
“I don’t know what to do here,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. [...]

An Israeli doctor says “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.”
A German doctor says “That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have [...]

There were three plastic surgeons having cocktails and boasting on particular skills and achievements.
The first doctor says, “I’m so good that one patient of mine lost all the digits of both hands. I reattached them with such cunning that today his is an award-winning concert pianist who plays all over the world.”
The second doctor says, [...]

ON COWS:
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal [...]