Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

TONS of self-help books out there harp on the fact that many among us live in alternate (fake) realities and for that reason have great difficulties interacting with other people. Personally, Blakk Frogg thinks more people need to heed the advice in the image below… ‘cuz he took the advice to heart a long time ago and people LOVE him now. (not!)

Actually, more people loathe and detest Blakk Frogg since he ‘took the first step’… and for some odd reason he does not care. Hmmm….

Admit it… You wish YOU knew 20 ways to play with a pussy — that wouldn’t get you arrested! Except in Georgia, Alabama, Kentucky, and parts of Wisconsin.

Yep. 20 ways to make that pussy purr. Are ya’ ready?

Oh, wait… what kind of pussy were YOU thinking about? You PERVERT!

So… Do gasoline additives really help make cars drive a bit further on a tank of gas? After some research we have determined that some do, and some don’t.

We all want to know how we can stretch our gasoline budget just a little further, right? Of course we do! With gas prices clearly over the $4 mark in a lot of the country most of us have started doing ANYthing we can to get better gas mileage.

That dumb bastard, however, appeared to have other motives for his use of a ‘gas additive’ and although we didn’t actually log any miles on the test vehicle, we have concluded that man-made, all natural beer-induced fuel additives will not stretch a person’s fuel budget.

Last night, my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and dumped out my beer.

She’s such a bitch.

Computer Error: YOU’RE SCREWED

Take the do-it-yourself, home version of the ‘Are You a Douchebag Test’ today. Step 1 — Look at the picture & study its details. Step 2 — Look in the mirror. Step 3 — Determine the number of similarities between yourself and the guy in the picture. Step 4 — If number of similarities exceeds ’1′, kill yourself immediately.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

Every once in a while we all need to hear a few positive words of encouragement to help us get through the day. Well, it just so happens that Blakk Frogg some very positive, uplifting words for MOST of you today:

At Least You’re Not a Fucking Loser… Like These People.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

For the rest of you, though, I see you trying to hide in the background while you dry hump your favorite hand-drawn cartoon chick on a pillow!

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, “Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!”

The driver didn’t think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, “Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!”

This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on.

He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him. “Excuse me, sir, could I help you?”

The elderly man looked up and said, “Well, sonny, you sure can. I’ve lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it. I thought I’d located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine’s parted on the side!”

Men Make the Strangest Requests!

One Monday morning, Roy, the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

“Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,” the UPS man comments.

Bob, in obvious pain, replies “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.”

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, “How do you play WHO AM I?”

“Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our ‘privates’ showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”

The UPS man laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.”

“Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responded. “Your name came up seven times.”

Grab ‘em from behind and keep ‘em guessing!

If you ever wondered what the most beautiful picture of True, Everlasting Love looked like, well, Blakk Frogg thinks he may have found it:

What Does Everlasting Love REALLY Look Like?

Blakk Frogg says, “If you must die during a moment of passion, and not one by yourself, have the courtesy to let the other person get on top first!”

It never ceases to amaze Blakk Frogg that people so willingly put their personal business all over the Internet in messages… and not really knowing who or if the messages can get intercepted by others intentionally or accidentally.

In this case a woman wanted to ‘thank a recent lover’ for a truly outstanding sexual encounter and tell him that he more or less had an open invitation to come back and mount her again any time he wanted. Too bad she posted the message on her wall and not in a private message or email.

On second thought, it’s AWESOME that she screwed up by announcing to the world that she screwed him!