Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

‘Tis the season for Holiday parties, long nights of sipping spiked eggnog with friends, and ugly sweater wine parties… so before you think about getting behind the wheel after a social event involving alcohol this Holiday Season, please remember this short story before making up your mind:

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before – I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise… as I had never driven a cab before, I don’t know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it.

In all seriousness, though…

No matter what time of year it is, please think about the risks associated with driving under the influence before getting behind the wheel. We speak from experience when we say the problems associated with even the slightest ‘issue’ that can arise from drinking and driving last far longer than you want… The serious ones, like loss of life — be it yours, a loved one’s, or a stranger’s — speak for themselves.

If ya’ cannot control your thirst, then you certainly have no business trying to control a car!

Even the mighty Blakk Frogg cannot make up a story like this.

Yang Hu was left in agony after severing his manhood from his body, and decided to CYCLE to the hospital to have it re-attached to his body.
 

But rather than prep him for immediate surgery, doctors told him to get on his bike again and go home because he FORGOT to bring it with him.
 

Yang, from Jiaxing, in Zhejiang province, east China, eventually rode home to pick up his penis but doctors hit him with yet more bad news – it had been without blood for too long and was therefore impossible to re-attach.
 

The 26-year-old was depressed at his single life since he moved to the city and began long hours at a clothing factory, according to pals.
 

His depression grew so bad that he cut off his penis in a sudden act of haste, believing it would stop him thinking about finding a lover.
 

Yang’s pals have now blasted the doctors at the hospital for not providing an ambulance for him to go home and collect his penis.
 

They said that his private parts could have been saved if he hadn’t had to cycle back, taking up valuable time. ( source )

That article left Blakk Frogg with sooooooo many unanswered questions. In no particular order, here’s just a few of those questions:

1. Does this man also believe that in order to stop thinking about food he could cut out his stomach?
    
2. Do you think anyone noticed a man with a bloody crotch cycling down Main Street or do things like that happen on a regular basis in that part of the world?
    
3. Why did this man not call an ambulance for the first leg of his journey OR insist on an ambulance for the return trip home to retrieve his severed manhood?
    
4. Who took the picture of this man laying on a bed w/ a bloody crotch and sold it to the media? One of his pals? One of the same pals that ‘blasted’ the doctors for not offering more assistance?
    
5. Speaking of pals, if Blakk Frogg EVER got the hankering to lop off his manhood… he certainly would not expect ANY of his pals to EVER say a WORD in his defense afterword. With that in mind, where were this guy’s ‘concerned pals’ BEFORE he got the urge to sever himself from his one-eyed love snake?
    
6. Oh, and what did that first phone call to one of the pals sound like? “Hey, Bob, it’s me, Yang… and I’m at the hospital. Any chance you can come down here? Huh? What’s wrong? Welllll, I kinda’ cut off my wiener. Yeah, my wiener. Hello? Hello? Bob? Are you there? Are you laughing at me?”

Yep. Yang will unfortunately live to regret his actions. If he was depressed before, boy oh boy will things get worse once the painkillers wear off!

Recently Blakk Frogg learned a valuable piece of information: Scientists Now Believe That Space Aliens Look Like Pop Music Stars!

Wow! Who’d ever think that the current moronic residents on Earth would live to see the day when mankind would finally discover the true appearance of alien lifeforms.

“Not I,” said the Fly. “Not I.”

Blakk Frogg hypothesizes that this really and truly explains a lot about the weird behavior of most, er, ALL modern pop music icons. One glove, dresses made out of meat, naming kids after celestial bodies (that should have been the first clue!), and the list goes on.

Yep. All life originated from an alien life form that has the appearance of pop music stars on our planet.

Now please excuse Blakk Frogg while he loads up the 9mm hand cannon, eats one last piece, er, pack of bacon, and promptly blows his brains out all over the wall.

Happy Week Before Halloween!

Hopefully everyone has already decided what to wear next Wednesday but if not, don’t worry! Blakk Frogg has you covered! Just go and check out the Froggwear Halloween Costume Blog and you’ll find literally 1,000’s of great costume ideas for Halloween.

The evil Frogg made sure to include costumes for adults, kids, plus sizes, pets, and a host of other really cool Halloween and costume accessories… so check it out! The Froggwear Halloween Costume Blog updates year round with new items (unlike so many OTHER costume sites!).

TONS of self-help books out there harp on the fact that many among us live in alternate (fake) realities and for that reason have great difficulties interacting with other people. Personally, Blakk Frogg thinks more people need to heed the advice in the image below… ‘cuz he took the advice to heart a long time ago and people LOVE him now. (not!)

Actually, more people loathe and detest Blakk Frogg since he ‘took the first step’… and for some odd reason he does not care. Hmmm….

Admit it… You wish YOU knew 20 ways to play with a pussy — that wouldn’t get you arrested! Except in Georgia, Alabama, Kentucky, and parts of Wisconsin.

Yep. 20 ways to make that pussy purr. Are ya’ ready?

Oh, wait… what kind of pussy were YOU thinking about? You PERVERT!

So… Do gasoline additives really help make cars drive a bit further on a tank of gas? After some research we have determined that some do, and some don’t.

We all want to know how we can stretch our gasoline budget just a little further, right? Of course we do! With gas prices clearly over the $4 mark in a lot of the country most of us have started doing ANYthing we can to get better gas mileage.

That dumb bastard, however, appeared to have other motives for his use of a ‘gas additive’ and although we didn’t actually log any miles on the test vehicle, we have concluded that man-made, all natural beer-induced fuel additives will not stretch a person’s fuel budget.

Last night, my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and dumped out my beer.

She’s such a bitch.

Computer Error: YOU’RE SCREWED

Take the do-it-yourself, home version of the ‘Are You a Douchebag Test’ today. Step 1 — Look at the picture & study its details. Step 2 — Look in the mirror. Step 3 — Determine the number of similarities between yourself and the guy in the picture. Step 4 — If number of similarities exceeds ’1′, kill yourself immediately.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

Every once in a while we all need to hear a few positive words of encouragement to help us get through the day. Well, it just so happens that Blakk Frogg some very positive, uplifting words for MOST of you today:

At Least You’re Not a Fucking Loser… Like These People.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

For the rest of you, though, I see you trying to hide in the background while you dry hump your favorite hand-drawn cartoon chick on a pillow!

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, “Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!”

The driver didn’t think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, “Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!”

This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on.

He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him. “Excuse me, sir, could I help you?”

The elderly man looked up and said, “Well, sonny, you sure can. I’ve lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it. I thought I’d located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine’s parted on the side!”

Men Make the Strangest Requests!