Superman Needs to Get Laid
Superman is flying around one day and he’s feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is.
Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay.
Superman then tells him that he couldn’t do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away.
Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he’s swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is.
Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up.
Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air and flies about. He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle. He thinks I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she’ll never know what hit her.
So, he flies down does his business and in 4 seconds he’s back in the air flying away.
Wonder Woman looks up and says “What was that?”
Invisible Man says: “I don’t know but my ass hurts like hell!”
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
“Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.
“I’ve always been a big fan of Chopin,” said Bruce. “I’ll play him.”
“And you, Sylvester?” asked Spielberg.
“Mozart’s the one for me!” said Sly.
“And what about you?” Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“I’ll be Bach,” said Arnie.
Sarcastic Motivational Posters
Over the past few years Blakk Frogg has received lots and lots of interesting emails containing mock ‘Motivational Posters‘ and so finally, he put them all on a web site for your viewing pleasure. See MySpace Sarcasm for the complete listing!
Not sure what defines a ‘Motivational Poster’? No worries. The (less than) Honorable Blakk Frogg will help you with that little problem by showing a few examples of these mock ‘Motivational Posters’… right here, right now.
Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments
So, so wrong of anyone to create a poster like that, but damn that’s funny. For the record, Blakk Frogg does NOT condone statutory rape or the fact that young girls dress up like little prostitutes these days.
Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments
See what happens when little girls dress up like prostitutes? They get knocked up and give birth to seriously retarded children.
Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments
Then, once the retarded children grow up, they beat their spouses and celebrate by doing shots of cheap liquor with their friends… and the bitch they just beat up.
Want more of the Motivational Posters? We think you know what to do.
Lie Detector Clocks
A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the walls were covered with clocks. He asked the woman who owned the cottage what all the clocks were for.
She replied that everyone in the world had a clock, and every time you told a lie your clock advanced a second.
He saw a clock that was hardly moving and when he remarked about it he was told that it was Mother Teresa’s.
He then asked where George W. Bush’s clock was.
The woman replied “It’s in the kitchen. We’re using it as a ceiling fan.”
Midgets Want World Records
One day three midgets decided they wanted to be in the record books.
The first one says “I have pretty short arms”, so he goes and succeeds.
The second one says “I have pretty short legs,” so he goes and succeeds.
The third one says “I have a very small penis,” and when he comes back he asks, “Who the hell is Leonardo DiCaprio?”
Tasteless Michael Jackson Joke
Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. Michael says “Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?”
The Doctor says, “At least wait till he is walking, Michael!!”
Redneck MySpace Comments
So once again that damnable bastard of a Blakk Frogg has pissed into the wind and ruined another pair of shoes… and at the same time created a new Redneck MySpace Comments site. Can you blame him? Some of the shit Rednecks do would make a damn DEAD man laugh!
Plenty more Redneck MySpace Comments at where? Yo granpappy’s trailer!
No, you silly (ugly) goose. . . . More redneck myspace comments HERE.
Mickey Mouse Wants a Divorce
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.
“I’m sorry Mickey, but I can’t legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane…”
Mickey replied, “I didn’t say she was mentally insane, I said that she’s fucking goofy!”
Bill Gates Goes to Hell
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.”
Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”
“Fine,” said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision.
“Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God.
“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.
Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
God says, “That was the screen saver.”
Only Four Parachutes
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
“Gentlemen,” he began, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we’re about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!” With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am the world’s greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world’s greatest athlete should have a parachute!” With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
Bill Gates rose and said, “Gentlemen, I am the world’s smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world’s smartest man should have a parachute, too.” He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. “My son,” he said, “I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane.”
The hippie smiled slowly and said, “Hey, don’t worry, pop. Mellow out…. The world’s smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack.”
