Truth About Women
Women are like phones.
They like to be held;
They like to be talked to;
And they like to be touched often.
But push the wrong button,
And your ass gets disconnected.
Blakk Frogg’s Fourth of July Photos
Yes, we know the 4th of July happened two weeks… deal with it.
At some point over that weekend the infamous Blakk Frogg decided to put a few things together that represented HIS Fourth of July Celebration and below you will see what that evil bastard came up with… after a full day of pounding beers, eating bacon and buying things to blow up.
Now if that photo doesn’t explain everything RIGHT w/ America, then what does? Granted Blakk Frogg omitted the inclusion of a Maxim Magazine cover, but only because his new edition had not arrived in the mail yet. Ha ha.
Blakk Frogg never bought fireworks legally before. If he had more money available, he’d have bought A WHOLE LOT MORE than he did — in spite of his girlfriend’s protests.
Something about hanging out with friends all day drinking ice cold beers pulled from a sizable “bucket of beer”, grilling a truckload of meat on the grill (most flavored somehow w/ bacon, of course), and then blowing things up LEGALLY really appeals to a Frogg.
Wait… Did you just see the award-winning phrase “bucket of beer” and NOT understand what that meant? Sinners! The whole lot of you! We must educate you, ya’ filthy heathens!
Yes. Yes we like beer. Yes we like bacon. Yes we wish the whole world would just stopping acting like a bunch of bitches and just send us all its beer and bacon.
Is that so WRONG?
Forgot the Beer
No, we didn’t leave beer on the bottom of the shopping cart in the grocery store parking lot. Instead, we forgot to post an image of the BEER supply we lined up while visiting w/ family in Myrtle Beach. OOPS.
Now we must tell you, though, that we had more beer lined up waiting to go in the fridge… but damn… don’t that there fridge full’o'beer look right perty?
Bottles of liquor made an appearance, too. More accurately they made a DISappearance. Ha ha. One of the liquor adventures included sample bottles of Jagermeister and Tequila Rose. The guy at the liquor store, an self-admitted lover of bacon, by the way, suggested we add a shot called Jagged Rose to the stuff we’d lined up on the counter already. Hmmmm…. How could we resist?
How’d it taste? Not too bad… Not too bad at all.
And now for the bacon
You didn’t think we’d post something and not mention bacon, did you? Silly rabbit! Take yourself out back and flog yourself with a gopher corpse!
So anyways, our hosts also love bacon and couldn’t WAIT to show us a new bacon-infused cheese their local deli recently began selling… and what better way to demonstrate the sheer awesomeness of a new cheese than over perfectly cooked, hand-packed burgers, right?
The cheese? Cheddar. The bacon? Applewood smoked. The verdict? Totally tasty! Go out and get some right now if you can!
Bringing Bacon on Vacation — Mandatory!
About a month ago we packed up the car and headed down to Myrtle Beach for some fun, family, food, beer, bacon and sun. We spent time w/ family for the first part of the trip and so naturally that meant one thing and one thing only…. No, not a family feud, ya’ dweeb. BEER and BACON!
Above you see a whole lot of bacon getting cooked up real nice on our hosts’ sweet bacon cookin’ griddle. Nothing says, “Good Morning, You Evil Little Amphibians” better than a griddle full of bacon!
Little Joe Wants a New Bicycle
For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it right now.”
The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”
Little Joe told him; “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.”
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The $1.00 Golf Resort
A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!
The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.
When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees: Golf: $1.00 Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00. He hits the ceiling!
Calling over to the manager, he asks, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure – that’s what our golf balls cost.”
“Well,” said the man, “If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!”
“That’s right, sir, you could have,” said the manager. “Over there they get you by the room. Over here, we get you by the balls.”
Old Man Gets a New Friend
An older guy was somewhat lonely and decided he needed a pet to keep him company. So, off to the pet shop he went. He searched and searched but none of the pets seemed to catch his interest… except for this ugly frog. As he walked by the jar it was in, he looked and it winked at him.
It whispered, “I’m so lonely, too. Buy me and take me home with you. You won’t ever be lonely again.”
The old guy figured, what the heck… He hadn’t found anything else. So, he bought the frog and he placed it in the car on the front seat beside him.
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As he was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to him, “Kiss me and you won’t be sorry.”
So the old guy figured, what the heck, and kissed the frog.
Immediately The frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, beautiful princess.
The princess then returned the old man’s kiss.
Suddenly, the old guy felt himself changing from her kiss.
Can you guess what he turned into?
C’mon…. Be a sport. Take a guess.
He turned into…
The first motel he could find!
He’s old…. not DEAD!
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The George Burger… With Bacon, Of Course!
Here at More Bacon Please we have an undying love for bacon… and so do most of our friends! These next two pics come from a good friend from way, way back named George and MAN does this flippin’ massively baconified burger look great!
Naturally you ant to know what went into “The George Burger”, right? Of course you do! In the words of this bacon-a-licious burger’s creator,
“3/4 lb of lean burger meat stuffed w/ horseradish, freshly grated cheddar, handfuls of crumbled bacon… then topped w/ swiss cheese. Oh, and of course more bacon!”
We will forgive George for neglecting to mention what looks like mayonnaise and lettuce on the burger once it got cut open, which happens in the next pic.
So if you ever feel the need to eat a giant, meaty, bacon-stuffed, beast-sized burger with a whole lot of flavor, give George’s recipe a try!
From Good to Bad to Worse
Bad: You can’t find your vibrator.
Worse: Your 12-year old daughter “borrowed” it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son’s room.
Worse: You’re in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband’s a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son’s involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife’s leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.
Bad: Your wife’s arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You’re arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The postman’s early.
Bad: He’s wearing camos and has an AK-47.
Good: The secretary said “yes.”
Bad: Your wife says “no.”
Worse: Wife caught the two of you and screamed, “Oh HELL no!”
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He’s gay.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You get a three-day weekend.
Bad: You get the flu on Friday.
Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It’s performance art.
Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter’s the headliner.
Good: Your boyfriend’s exercising.
Bad: So he’ll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your car conveniently “runs out of gas.”
Bad: For real.
Good: Your child’s “waiting for Mr. Right”.
Bad: Your son, that is.
Good: Your daughter’s on the Pill.
Bad: She’s thirteen.
Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Good: Your son’s doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It’s counterfeit.
Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter’s the star.
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She’s coming home.
Good: Your wife’s kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.
Old Grandma Speaks in Coutroom
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned!
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”
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