An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.

An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.

An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Sarcastic MySpace Comments
free myspace comment pictures

Older women can run faster because they’re always wearing sensible shoes.

There’s no need to be phobic about “committing” to an older woman – the last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.

Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you’re acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her.

Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can’t help you when you need to start replacing your old fillings.

An older woman will never accuse you of “using her.” She’s using you!

Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out.

An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she’s with you, in case you get any ideas…

Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.

Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don’t wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.

Older women know what Kegel exercises are.

An older woman will agree to go to McDonald’s with you for a meal.

Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.

Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.

An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.

An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.

The teenager tells her ‘Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!’ and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming overand that it is just not appropriate….

The grandmother says, ‘Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.’

Sarcastic MySpace Comments… for free!

Satan: “Why so glum?”

Guy: “What do you think? I’m in Hell!”

Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?”

Guy: “Sure, I love to drink.”

Satan: “Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink ’til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don’t have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.”

Guy: “Gee that sounds great!”

Satan: “You a smoker?”

Guy: “You better believe it!”

Satan: “All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer – no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?”

Guy: “Wow…that’s awesome!”

Satan: “I bet you like to gamble.”

Guy: “Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

Satan: “Good, ’cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.”

Guy: “Cool!”

Satan: “What about Drugs?”

Guy: “Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…?”

Satan: “That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You’re dead so who cares.”

Guy: “Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!”

Satan: “You gay?”

Guy: “No…”

Satan: “Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough…”

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon”

Recent Americas Best MySpace Postings
free myspace comments message board

Age 7 — I’ve learned that you can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

Age 7 — I’ve learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose.

Age 10 — I’ve learned that you should never jump out of a second story window using a sheet for a parachute.

Age 13 — I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.

Age 16 — I’ve learned that when my parents are in a bad mood, it’s best to agree to everything they say or things get nasty.

Age 27 — I’ve learned that I should never praise my mother’s cooking when I’m eating something fixed by my wife.

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Age 30 — I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.

Age 31 — I’ve learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little “do not remove” tags from pillows.

Age 42 — I’ve learned that marrying for money is the hardest way of getting it.

Age 52 — I’ve learned that if you like garlic salt and Tabasco sauce you can make almost anything taste good.

Age 53 — I’ve learned that after age 50 you get the furniture disease. That’s when your chest falls into your drawers.

Americas Best MySpace Animated Comments