Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Posts Tagged ‘too much bacon

28 May, 2012

Grilling Tips… Useful Stuff!

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

OK, so the article FAILED to mention ‘add bacon to EVERYthing, but other than that we found the tips quite useful.

1. Grill over wood
Forget about the gas-versus-charcoal debate: Wood is the only fuel that adds real flavor to food. If possible, use whole hardwood logs in a wood-burning grill. The next best option is to burn hardwood chunks in a regular grill. (Light them in a chimney starter as you would charcoal.) As a last resort, toss some wood chips onto the coals of your charcoal grill–you use hardwood charcoal, right?–or in the smoker box of your gas grill just before you begin grilling.

2. Keep your cool
You don’t need to bring steaks to room temperature before grilling: There’s no appreciable difference in cooking time. Steak houses keep meat refrigerated until they’re ready to cook it–for reasons of convenience and food safety–and so should you.

3. Line it up
Align the food on your grill in a neat row with soldierly precision. This helps you keep track of which foods went on the fire first, so you can turn them and take them off in order. Plus it looks more professional–and looking professional is half the battle.

4. Flip just once
You can’t get killer grill marks (the signature of master grillmanship) or accurately gauge cooking time if you’re compulsively turning over your steak every 10 seconds. To lay on a handsome set of crosshatches, rotate the steak 90 degrees after a couple of minutes of grilling.

5. Season before grilling
You might have heard that salt “bleeds” the juices out of raw meat: It doesn’t. Instead, it helps steaks form a savory crust as they cook. Just before putting the steaks on the grill, sprinkle on a generous amount of coarse salt and freshly ground black pepper.

6. Keep the grate hot, clean and oiled
This is the grill master’s mantra. Following it will prevent food from sticking and give it excellent grill marks. Before grilling, scrub the hot grate with a wire brush, then rub it with a tightly folded paper towel dipped in oil. Scrub the grate again when you’re finished cooking.

7. Grill your veggies
The dry heat of a grill intensifies a vegetable’s natural sweetness. Grill tender, watery vegetables, such as bell peppers and onions, directly over the coals. Grill dense or starchy vegetables, such as sliced potatoes and eggplant, using indirect heat, as far away from the coals as possible.

8. Grip, don’t stab
Use a pair of tongs–not a barbecue fork or, worse, a knife–to turn meat or move it around on the grill. Forks and knives poke holes in the meat that can allow precious juices to drain out. If you must cut and peek to check doneness, make a small slit with a knife.

9. Know when it’s done
For steaks, chops and chicken, poke the meat with your finger: If it feels soft and squishy, it’s rare; yielding, medium-rare; only slightly yielding, medium; firm and springy, well-done. For large cuts of meat, use an instant-read meat thermometer (even barbecue pros use them). Just don’t let it touch any bones, or you’ll get a false reading.

10. Let it rest
When you grill a piece of meat, its muscle fibers contract and drive the juices to the center of the cut. Meat served right off the grill will taste tough and dry, but a post-grill rest allows the muscle fibers to reabsorb the juices, resulting in a tender and succulent cut. Larger pieces of meat, like leg of lamb and pork shoulder, need to rest longer than steaks and chops–for approximately 15 minutes.

We found those tips here on a Yahoo! story.

18 Aug, 2011

Hot Dogs and Bacon? Yes!

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Blakk Frogg Speaks|Humor|Sarcastic

In an earlier posting we talked about a very tasty bacon wrapped treat: Bacon Wrapped Jumbo Chicken Franks. Now of COURSE you have the option of using other types of hot dogs as mandrels for the bacon… but we highly suggest sticking with bigger wieners if you can. Size DOES matter, ya’ know.

So what can ya’ do with small wieners? Especially the ones made from quality meat like Nathan’s and Hebrew National? Rest assured we have found a baconified use for those, too!

Just last night we feasted on some Nathan’s Hot Dogs prepared in the following manner:

  1. Cooked bacon. As usual.
  2. Allowed bacon to drain on paper towel and cool to room temperature.
  3. Cooked hot dogs while bacon cooled.
  4. Diced a variety of fresh hot peppers while hot dogs cooked.
  5. Opened hot dog buns and laid a strip of bacon on each bun wall.
  6. Placed a line of diced hot peppers where the two strips of bacon meet.
  7. Apply a ‘squiggle’ of mustard (not honey mustard!) over the peppers.
  8. Drop a hot dog on top of all that and tuck all the components into place.

One additional thing we opted to do that some may not want to do: We added an additional ‘squiggle’ of mustard over the hot dog because hot dog buns don’t tend to have enough moisture in them for our taste.

We LOVED these hot dog, bacon and fresh hot pepper creations! You will, too!

14 Aug, 2011

Improving a Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

OK, so we have more or less vanished off the face of the planet for a long while. OOPS.

Well don’t worry, despite the ridiculous cost of bacon these days we have continued to indulge even if we haven’t told you any wonderful bacon stories recently.

Today’s story will make ya’ want to go to the kitchen RIGHT away, though, and eat some bacon!

Killer Bacon Sandwich Idea

Imagine, if you will, the classic grilled cheese sandwich. Boring, we know, even if you use exotic cheeses and know exactly how to get the bread golden brown without burning it.

So… add bacon and it gets better? Of COURSE, but if you wait just a second, we’ll tell you how to take grilled bacon and cheese sandwiches to a whole new level!

Starting at the bottom of the sandwich, we had the following layers:

  • Slice of cheese
  • Whole slice of thick cut bacon (cooked) broken into halves
  • Slice thin cut salami
  • Diced fresh jalapenos from a friend’s garden
  • Slice of cheese
  • More thin sliced salami
  • More bacon the same as the first layer
  • Final slice of cheese

As bread we selected some sort of whole grain stuff… because we had that in the pantry.

And… the Taste Test

Unfroggin’ believably tasty! We can’t wait to make another one!

Sorry we have no pics on this one… We ate the experiment too hastily!

OK, just so everyone knows, the folks responsible for More Bacon Please have NOT become vegetarians. Apparently the lack of recent posts has made SOME idiots, er, people out there believe we gave up eating meat.

Preposterous!

We have not given up eating meat and we CERTAINLY have not given up eating bacon. We just cannot AFFORD to eat as much as we did this time last year. On average, the price of bacon has increased way more than our wallets can stomach — despite the grumblings of our stomachs.

Standard, generic bacon rose from its regular cost of around $2.25 per pack to over $3.00 per pack…. an increase of around 33%. Really? 33% and no one sees a problem with that? Hmmm…. That’s fu#ked up.

Brand name bacon rose from its regular, non-sale cost of around $3.99 per pack to over $7.00 per pack! We really don’t need to do the math for you on THAT abusive pricing, do we? Somebody’s getting rich while us, poor WORKING CLASS folks have to ration our bacon intake. Hmmm…. We find that REALLY fu#ked up.

So… What gives? The price of bacon remained relatively stable during times when gas prices soared out of control and costs of other items jumped up because companies incurred greater fuel and transportation costs. Now, however, over the past few months bacon’s pricing has jumped up quite a bit — and for apparently no reason?

Unacceptable! Completely unacceptable! We DEMAND reasonable bacon pricing!

Better Prices on Bacon... or the Hamster Dies!
You Know You Love Bacon When… Pigs Protest Your Every Meal!

20 Dec, 2010

New Way to Keep the Doctor Away

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Blakk Frogg Speaks|Humor|Sarcastic

Yep. We finally dragged our bacon-loving selves away from the bacon-filled table long enough to post another article on this site. Actually, we have not had the MONEY to buy bacon recently due to evil, greedy big business types jacking up the prices on all grades of bacon and keeping us from enjoying our favorite snack.

So anyways, in lieu of a tasty bacon story, today we’d like to share a short and to the point bacon joke that we heard recently:

Years ago it was suggested ‘ that an apple a day kept the doctor away ‘ But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Did someone say… BACON SANDWICH?!?!?

Beast of a Bacon Sandwich

We will never grow tired of that picture. Ever. EVER.

Yes, we know the 4th of July happened two weeks… deal with it.

At some point over that weekend the infamous Blakk Frogg decided to put a few things together that represented HIS Fourth of July Celebration and below you will see what that evil bastard came up with… after a full day of pounding beers, eating bacon and buying things to blow up.

Now if that photo doesn’t explain everything RIGHT w/ America, then what does? Granted Blakk Frogg omitted the inclusion of a Maxim Magazine cover, but only because his new edition had not arrived in the mail yet. Ha ha.

Blakk Frogg never bought fireworks legally before. If he had more money available, he’d have bought A WHOLE LOT MORE than he did — in spite of his girlfriend’s protests.

Something about hanging out with friends all day drinking ice cold beers pulled from a sizable “bucket of beer”, grilling a truckload of meat on the grill (most flavored somehow w/ bacon, of course), and then blowing things up LEGALLY really appeals to a Frogg.

Wait… Did you just see the award-winning phrase “bucket of beer” and NOT understand what that meant? Sinners! The whole lot of you! We must educate you, ya’ filthy heathens!

Yes. Yes we like beer. Yes we like bacon. Yes we wish the whole world would just stopping acting like a bunch of bitches and just send us all its beer and bacon.

Is that so WRONG?

17 Jul, 2010

Forgot the Beer

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

No, we didn’t leave beer on the bottom of the shopping cart in the grocery store parking lot. Instead, we forgot to post an image of the BEER supply we lined up while visiting w/ family in Myrtle Beach. OOPS.

Now we must tell you, though, that we had more beer lined up waiting to go in the fridge… but damn… don’t that there fridge full’o'beer look right perty?

Bottles of liquor made an appearance, too. More accurately they made a DISappearance. Ha ha. One of the liquor adventures included sample bottles of Jagermeister and Tequila Rose. The guy at the liquor store, an self-admitted lover of bacon, by the way, suggested we add a shot called Jagged Rose to the stuff we’d lined up on the counter already. Hmmmm…. How could we resist?

How’d it taste? Not too bad… Not too bad at all.

And now for the bacon

You didn’t think we’d post something and not mention bacon, did you? Silly rabbit! Take yourself out back and flog yourself with a gopher corpse!

So anyways, our hosts also love bacon and couldn’t WAIT to show us a new bacon-infused cheese their local deli recently began selling… and what better way to demonstrate the sheer awesomeness of a new cheese than over perfectly cooked, hand-packed burgers, right?

The cheese? Cheddar. The bacon? Applewood smoked. The verdict? Totally tasty! Go out and get some right now if you can!

15 Jul, 2010

Bringing Bacon on Vacation — Mandatory!

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

About a month ago we packed up the car and headed down to Myrtle Beach for some fun, family, food, beer, bacon and sun. We spent time w/ family for the first part of the trip and so naturally that meant one thing and one thing only…. No, not a family feud, ya’ dweeb. BEER and BACON!

Above you see a whole lot of bacon getting cooked up real nice on our hosts’ sweet bacon cookin’ griddle. Nothing says, “Good Morning, You Evil Little Amphibians” better than a griddle full of bacon!

19 Jun, 2010

The George Burger… With Bacon, Of Course!

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

Here at More Bacon Please we have an undying love for bacon… and so do most of our friends! These next two pics come from a good friend from way, way back named George and MAN does this flippin’ massively baconified burger look great!

The George Burger

Naturally you ant to know what went into “The George Burger”, right? Of course you do! In the words of this bacon-a-licious burger’s creator,

“3/4 lb of lean burger meat stuffed w/ horseradish, freshly grated cheddar, handfuls of crumbled bacon… then topped w/ swiss cheese. Oh, and of course more bacon!”

We will forgive George for neglecting to mention what looks like mayonnaise and lettuce on the burger once it got cut open, which happens in the next pic.

The George Burger Cut Open

So if you ever feel the need to eat a giant, meaty, bacon-stuffed, beast-sized burger with a whole lot of flavor, give George’s recipe a try!

06 Jun, 2010

KFC Double Down — Bacon Lovers’ Taste Test

Posted by: Blakk Frogg In: Humor|Sarcastic

First off, let us say that we have not ventured into a Kentucky Fried Chicken food serving facility in YEARS because we found their food priced too high for what we thought it should have cost. Oh, and something they use in their food always made pretty much everyone we know do a “Dine’n'Dash” — not meaning they boned out on the check after the meal, but rather they ate and quickly dashed home to the comfort and solitude of their own private bathrooms.

Many rolls of toilet paper died a horrible fate after some KFC meals… Need we go into more detail than that?

So anyways, we decided to pick up a few of the new KFC Double Down sandwiches to see if the hype matched the allegedly meaty meal’s real nature.

Below you will see a picture of the ‘fried’ version. We wanted the ‘grilled version’, but the guy in front of us walked away with the last one.

KFC Double Down Sandwich

If we had a nickel for each time we went to KFC and had to wait some ridiculous amount of time because they ran out something ‘right before we got there’, we’d have an eighteen wheeler full of nickels… and hence another reason why we gave up on the Colonel a long time ago: No one has given us any nickels for our inconvenience.

Getting back to the KFC Double Down review, though, first let us tell you that each sandwich costs a little more than $5 apiece.

Huh? What? $5 per SANDWICH? Wow.

So after scarfing down one of the fat and calorie bomb Double Downs we all agreed that they tasted good (we ordered ours w/ extra sauce), and also that none of us could figure out exactly what part of the sandwich gave it such a salty taste.

For anyone looking to fill up on just a sandwich, don’t bank on it if you have a hearty appetite. An average person could probably manage two of the sandwiches as a meal without too much difficulty.

As for the bacon, well, the KFC Double Down did, indeed, have two strips of bacon. Not much more we can say about the bacon other than the KFC Double Down would have lacked character without it.

Then again, we say that about ANYthing that has bacon on or in it…

One final note: We liked the fact that they threw pepper jack cheese into the mix instead of some generic, bland processed cheddar crap.


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