Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Winds of Change: Congressional Reform Act of 2012

1. No Tenure / No Pension. A Congressman/woman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they’re out of office.

2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void effective 12/31/12. The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen/women. Congressmen/women made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.

Don’t you think it’s time for a change?

THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!

Abu al-Zarqawi died and George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates.
George reached back like a pimp, slapped him across the face, and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!”

Patrick Henry approached, drew back his fist, punched him in the nose, and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!”

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin, and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”

Thomas Jefferson then beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled, “It was Evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence!”

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe, and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist Leader.

As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding profusely and in excruciating pain, an Angel appeared.

Al- Zarqawi wept and with blood in his teeth said, “This is not what you promised me…”

The Angel replied softly, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U.S. involvement in Iraq, here’s a sobering statistic:

There has been a monthly average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theatre of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths.

That gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.

The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000 persons for the same period.

That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capital than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington DC.

A cocky representative from the Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and said to the farmer, “I’m here to inspect your farm.”

The old farmer said “OK, but whatever you do, don’t go in the field on the left.”

The Agriculture representative said, “Look mister, I have the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I wish, WHENEVER I wish, on ANY agricultural land, no questions asked or answered. Do you understand, THAT?”

The farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the D of A Rep running for the fence, his briefcase and papers flying like confetti. Close behind was the farmer’s huge-horned prize bull, which was mad as a nest of hornets. The bull was gaining on the Rep at every step and the Rep started screaming like a girl.

The Old farmer yelled, “Show HIM your card!”

A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the walls were covered with clocks. He asked the woman who owned the cottage what all the clocks were for.

She replied that everyone in the world had a clock, and every time you told a lie your clock advanced a second.

He saw a clock that was hardly moving and when he remarked about it he was told that it was Mother Teresa’s.

He then asked where George W. Bush’s clock was.

The woman replied “It’s in the kitchen. We’re using it as a ceiling fan.”

Americas Best MySpace Political Comments