Last night I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Coors Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
Later I tried to explain to her how the beer would make her look ten times better at night than the cold cream.
The swelling in my right eye finally went down enough for me to see around three this afternoon.
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she quickly answered and then turned away.
Thinking I could win her over with charm, I then asked, “Is that your final answer?”
This time she didn’t even turn around before simply saying, “No.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend…”
I had no idea you could get a concussion from a cell phone…
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in the mood for a sexual action and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention.
So when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in….
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
When I was married 28 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 28 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 20 year old blonde…. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”
My wife is a very reasonable woman. Without batting an eyelid she told me to go out and find a hot, 20 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10 inch black and white TV.
Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve a mid-life crisis.
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