Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Thanks to ALL your help, Blakk Frogg’s friends advanced to Round 2 of the 96.1 Big Beat Bridal Competition!  They are now one of 25 couples battling it out for the wedding they really, really want. . . but cannot afford!

Blakk Frogg asks each and every one of you reading this to seal the deal for his friends so they can have the wedding they truly deserve by going back to vote in this final, crucial round. . . or to vote for them for the first time if you didn’t get around to voting before. (Instructions: click here, and VOTE for Couple #18. Any questions?)

“WHY does Blakk Frogg believe this couple deserves a kick ass wedding,” you ask. . .

• The times when Blakk Frogg ran out of funds for beer, sushi and just generally enough money to ‘hang out’ like a human being, Gary and Angie swang through, brought beer, took him out for sushi, and did their best to make him feel better about life — at least for the moment.
• The times when Blakk Frogg found himself lost and adrift in a sea of self-pity and self-hatred Gary & Angie helped him to sit back, think about things in a new, more rational direction, and stop blaming himself for everything.
• Endless nights of passion in the back of. . . Oops.  Wrong couple.
• Moving on. . . . Gary and Angie have stood by my side, or at least close enough by Blakk Frogg through a lot of really tough, miserable broke times and although Blakk Frogg has returned the favor time and time again, he really wants to see his friends enjoy an awesome wedding.

So it should come as no surprise, at this point, that Blakk Frogg asks you to click here, and VOTE for Couple #18.

Just a few minutes out of your day will make two of Blakk Frogg’s friends very, very happy.

“I need more (better) reasons, damn it!”

OK, well how about these:

• If they win the wedding contest, they promise to move to The Beach and never call Blakk Frogg again.
• If they win, Blakk Frogg will have the ability to get really shitfaced at the wedding w/o feeling guilty because they paid for it.
• Their winning will prove to Blakk Frogg that he has the best damn reader-base on the planet!

If you need more reasons than all that Blakk Frogg has listed, well, you probably skipped a dose of your meds this morning and should double up next time around.

Earth Shattering Conclusion:

Click here, and VOTE for Couple #18 !  Or we beat the hamsters a second time!

Besides. . . a Psycho and an Angel DESERVE each other! 😉

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm.

The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

“Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Americas Best MySpace Break Ups Comments

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he’s in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is amass with $100 bills.

Then, there’s a knock at the door. He answers it and standing are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he’s dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it’s the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, “I can understand the first wish – having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire… But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free myspace pics, comments & graphics

Hung Chow calls into work and says, “Hey, I no come work today, I sick, headache, stomach ache, legs hurt, I no come work.”

The boss says, “You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. “I do what you say, I feel great. I be work soon…..you got nice house!”

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

OK, so this dude walks into a bar. . . No, not really, but moving on. . . Blakk Frogg received a plea for help from his really good friends (drinking, BBQ, Bike Night and partying buddies).

Gary & Angie set a wedding date of July 5, 2008 for their wedding and it just so happens that a local radio station from Charlotte, NC (96.1, The Beat) started a contest recently where the engaged couple who get the most votes. . . wins a totally kick ass wedding costing, well, a HELL of a lot more than Gary & Angie can possibly afford.

The Mission:  Help Gary & Angie Win a Really Great Wedding!

Do your part to help Blakk Frogg, who just HAPPENS to be the Best Man, er, Best Amphibian at the upcoming wedding give his really good friends (drinking, BBQ, Bike Night and partying buddies) the best wedding possible.

How You Can Help:  Follow These SIMPLE Instructions!

1.    Go to http://www.961thebeat.com and click on “The Beat’s Big Bridal Giveaway”

2.    Click on “Vote Now”

3.    Choose/Select “Couple Number 42” … That’s Forty-Two, for all you slow folks out there…

4.    At bottom of screen click on “Create Username” and add your info

5.    Click “Submit” or “Next” or whatever the heck the thing says

6.    Wait a minute or two and then check your email

7.    Open the email from the radio station and click the “Confirmation Link”

8.    That’s it.  You’re done.  Reward yourself with an ice cold beer and a trip to the Oriental Massage Parlor down the block

So please help Blakk Frogg help his buddies, will ya’?  Help these two fine, up-standing members of society (HA!) get hitched in a ceremony so awesome that even the Minister will stand at the altar and say, “Holy shit!  This wedding kicks ass! ….  Oops.  My bad.”

Thank you so much for your time and don’t forget to jiggle the handle twice after you flush.

Please feel free to forward this on to as many others as you can.  Don’t MAKE a Frogg ask twice now, ya’ hear?

Sincerely, most of the time,

Blakk Frogg
Friend and Promoter of the Future Mr. & Mrs. Dantzler

When I was married 28 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 28 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 20 year old blonde…. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. Without batting an eyelid she told me to go out and find a hot, 20 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10 inch black and white TV.

Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve a mid-life crisis.

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

2. On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

3. On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.

4. “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

5. “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

next airline humor joke page

Tired of not knowing the hip and trendy terms your co-workers use in their conversations at the water cooler? Unsure as to whether or not their nouveau words and slick phrases have anything to do with you? If so, then Blakk Frogg has you covered with this handy and convenient Office Terminology Guide for 2007:

1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Ex: I often find that blamestorming sessions take a lot less time when we pin the guilt on someone not present to defend themselves.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. Ex: You know, it’s seagull managers like her that make me wanna’ bring loaded weapons to work in the morning.

3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. Ex: Steven used his powers of assmosis to weasel his way into the corner office despite not a f$#king thing all last quarter. I hate that guy!

4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. Ex: Because no one got Holiday Bonuses this year, Mark has decided that we should change the term ‘payday’ to salmon day.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles. Ex: It took me three weeks to learn how to navigate my way through this cube farm when I started working here.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on. Ex: The sound of Stephanie throwing a stapler at Jack’s head because he kept staring at her cleavage caused quite a bit of prarie dogging.

7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato. Ex: Watching all that irritainment (see below for definition) has turned Tony into an absolute mouse potato… and loser in life.

8. SITCOMs : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. Ex: Yuppie couples typically find themselves in sitcoms once they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. Ex: I have aften found that stress puppies make excellent scapegoats once the blamestorming begins.

10. SWIPEOUT : An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. Ex: Excessive Holiday spending turned all the plastic in my wallet into total swipeouts.

next office terminology page

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, “Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!”

Free Myspace Comment:
Who Came First? Chicken or the Egg?

Americas Best MySpace Comments. . . For FREE!