Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Good driver? Bad driver? Safe driver? Danger to society?

A lot of people do NOT think while driving, and the following question will help you to find out if you fall into that ‘non-thinking driver’ category…

Situation: While driving down a narrow 2-lane road that the Department of Motor Vehicles has clearly marked as a no passing zone for the next 15 miles, you come up behind a pedestrian riding a bicycle…. and there is NO shoulder to ride on. Also, your lane does not have enough room for both the pedestrian on the bike and your vehicle. At this time you see no vehicles approaching in the opposite lane.

Question: Do you A) Approach slowly from the rear and pass on the left at the first possible moment? B) Approach slowly, sound horn softly so as to let the pedestrian know they need to pull over so that you can pass safely? C) Follow at a close, but safe distance with your flashers on until the road signs say you can pass legally?

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Results: The correct answer is “C: Follow at a close, but safe distance with your flashers on until the road signs say you can pass legally.” No need to take any unnecessary risks on the road that would endanger other drivers, violate the law, or put pedestrians in harm’s way.

Interesting Corollary: The majority of men have no problem with that simple test and pass with flying colors. Women, on the other hand, haver a tendency to fail this test pretty much each and every time. No one has a clue why, though…..

Let’s flash back, for a second, to a topic with created a lot of controversy a few months ago: Michael Vick. Blakk Frogg will neither condemn, condone nor come up with excuses for the illegal activities the former NFL Player allegedly took part in.

Instead, and as usual, Blakk Frogg will make fun of the situation.

And as the boy prayed for his grandma, grandpa, mommy, daddy, and little sister, the dog said a prayer of its own: “Dear Lord. Thank your for delivering me to Timmy’s house and not to Michael Vick’s. Amen”

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Now what sick, twisted, demented motherfrogger came up with THIS inflatable beast? Nothing screams ‘FUN’ like a 4-foot tall pair of pink labial lips bouncing around in the hot sunlight.

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Seriously, though. What warped little cookie thought, “You know, nothing makes kids giggle with glee more than seeing a cute monkey with a blown-out vagina…..”

On another note, authorities think that giant monkey vagina swallowed Blakk Frogg’s car last week. Who wants to go in after it?

Recently a photo got published in tabloid which proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that the energy crisis has hit even the most efficient machines in our society…..

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Please, folks… Don’t let your fear of walking an extra 20 feet in a parking lot keep you from taking that spot at the end. Every drop of gasoline you waste circling the parking lot like a fat vulture waiting for an easy meal takes food out of some poor, starving psychotic robot’s tank.

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Romance comes in many different flavors, but at no time should it EVER come from a book vendor whose ass crack resembles cottage cheese getting smuggled in a lambskin condom!

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Listen, folks…. If you want romance, you gotta’ go someplace other than a street corner where some fat, nasty, overweight ‘thing’ sells used romance books. And while on the topic, doesn’t the phrase ‘used romance books’ bring some pretty sickening images to mind?

Try your luck over at Girls for MySpace if you need something to float your boat, get your motor going, rev up your engines, etc.

– blakk frogg

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish guy replied. “I know the guy.”

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Read below, figure out how YOU would handle a dangerous driving situation of this magnitude, and then scroll down to see if you made the right driving decision.

Dangerous Driving Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Scroll for the correct answer…

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Correct Course of Action:

Get your drunk ass off the children’s Merry-Go-Round. You’re fuckin’ hammered!

And no, Mrs. Clause didn’t catch Santa getting a little action on the side.

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Instead, it is something far more sinister: Some idiots in Australia have decided to change Santa Clause’s jolly, happy, trademarked, patented, world-famous “ho-ho-ho!” to….. “ha-ha-ha!” (insert the classic ‘WTF’ here)

Apparently they think the average woman takes offense to the term ‘ho’ and that children ought not get exposed to such harsh, condescending language….. especially from Santa Clause, a symbol of all that we supposedly deem innocent an pure.

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Uh, hello? If a woman takes offense to that word used in a COMPLETE other way, then she probably wound UP waiting in line with her 3 screaming brats to see Santa as a RESULT of behaving like a ‘ho’…. and she needs to shut up, keep her legs closed, and stop drawing attention to herself.

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Reality of the matter: Most kids who believe in Santa Clause and hear the time-honored ‘ho-ho-ho’ do not make the connection between the sluts they see everywhere else in life and the innocence of St. Nick. Also, if those kids DO make that connection, someone needs to reset the password on Net Nanny and/or the cable box in their parents’ home.

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It already sucks enough that we can no longer enjoy a Holiday Season w/o having to worry about offending people by saying, “Merry Christmas”. Do we REALLY have to censor Santa now, too?

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– Blakk Frogg

Halloween has come and gone and everyone has started looking forward to feasting on turkey, ham, fruit cakes and other traditional Thanksgiving/Christmas foods. Parents have started acquiring, wrapping and stashing presents for their kids, television stations have begun flooding the airwaves with images of Holiday Cheer that makes lonely bastards like Blakk Frogg wanna’ kill himself, and greedy retail merchants chomp at the bit as they wait for the hordes of gadget and gizmo loving shoppers to empty their pockets into money-hungry cash registers.

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Everyone loves this time of year, right? No, actually, some folks HATE this time of year as it marks the beginning of the end for them…. And yes, Blakk Frogg refers to the poor, now-forgotten and probably tossed into the garbage pumpkins.

With not much time to live, many turn to drugs and alcohol to soothe the pain of knowing they will soon die….

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So the next time you see a forlorn pumpkin rolling down the street at this time of year, take a minute to mourn because that poor, poor pumpkin will soon rot into the ground and become…. worm food.