Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

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That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

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From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes an alleged true story from Central Montana.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local Neighborhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into.

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He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.

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At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

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Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station. Apparently this breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” said the man, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

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Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

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A 78-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”

The next day the 78-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: “Well, doc, it’s like this – first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked Marie for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked, to say the very least! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep. None of us could get the jar open”.

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The next time your beloved partner drops the hint that he or she would really like it if you took them out to a nice restaurant, a restaurant that requires reservations, Blakk Frogg wants you to remember the following approach to the topic so you can save yourself some money. . .

1. Let your beloved partner know that you really do care about them by telling you how much you love them.
2. Let your beloved partner know that you feel bad for not thinking of this idea sooner.
3. Tell them you will find just the right place — a place with real ambience and culture that takes reservations.
4. The next day, tell them you found the perfect place. . . and that you even have a picture of the place that you got from the Internet.
5. Show them this picture:


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6. Call your lawyer before he or she does.

Time for a little Sex on Saturday! Why? If you have to ask, then stop reading now. There’s something wrong with you and you REALLY ought to seek professional help.

Americas Best MySpace Comments…
brought to you by Blakk Frogg

Americas Best MySpace Comments…
brought to you by Blakk Frogg

Americas Best MySpace Comments…
brought to you by Blakk Frogg

Americas Best MySpace Comments…
brought to you by Blakk Frogg

Americas Best MySpace Comments…
brought to you by Blakk Frogg

So there you have it… Sex on Saturdays. With any luck Blakk Frogg will remember to post another installment of this later and do it all over again each weekend… but don’t hold your breath. 😉

More Funny, Sexy & Sarcastic Pictures

After questioning 100,000 women from all walks of life, an independent survey company determined that if woman woke up with a penis for just one day, she’d do the following things:

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blowjob.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can’t hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it’s like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man’s eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9… until the balance of the 24 hours expired.

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Whether you love Bill Gates or think he ought to burn in Hell, you can’t say that he didn’t hit (allegedly) the nail right on the head in a speech he (allegedly) gave at a High School. In a nutshell, Bill Gates (allegedly) illustrated how feel-good, politically correct teachings creates a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it!Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

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I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?”

I didn’t respond… or even know HOW to respond, so after the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?”

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”

I’m NEVER going back to that doctor ever!

With the economy going downhill so fast, one must consider alternative means of making money to stay afloat, and perhaps just to stay alive.  Since gambling usually doesn’t pay in the end, most states (in the US) frown upon prostitution, and no one likes drug dealers (except drug users). . . there can be only ONE way to make more money:

Simply Frogg, Simply For Fun!

So the next time you see a depressed woman, ask her if her vibrator needs repairing.  Chances are she will say NO and slap the shit out of you, but hey. . .  Find that one in a million girl who’s got a broken dildo at home (or in her purse!) and you’ve got a client!