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One day Little Susie got her “monthly bleeding” for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with Little Johnny.

Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was.

Johnny’s face grew serious and he said, “You know, I’m not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off.”

A Navy pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive Woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this, and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

The Navy pilot explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties….”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

The Navy pilot smirks, taps his watch, and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.

The husband was in the mood for a sexual action and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention.

So when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in….

P…

E…

N…

I…

S…

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

The teacher of a first grade class gives instructions to the little boys on how to go to the bathroom.

The teacher tells them the following:

One – unzip your zipper

Two – pull your ‘thing’ out

Three – stroke the skin back

Four – take a pee

Five – stroke the skin forward

Six – put it away and zip up the zipper

So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The teacher asks, “Where is Little Johnny?”

One of the boys replies, “He is still in the bathroom.”

The teacher goes down the hall to the boy’s restroom and hears Little Johnny “Three, Five, Three, Five, Three, Five…………”

A guy walks into a local bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.

All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”

The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada.”

The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada?”

The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.

“The bartender says, “A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?”

“No, a taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi. I mount animals.

“The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us…”

What gets longer when pulled….

Fits between your boobs….

Inserts neatly in a hole….

and works best when jerked….

Scoll on down now, ya’ hear?

A seatbelt! And just what were YOU thinking, ya’ freakin’ pervert?!?

One afternoon, a woman and her little daughter went into a large toy store. The mother asked her daughter what toys she wanted.

The little girl said, “I want GI Joe and Barbie.”

The mother smiled and said, “Darling, you know Barbie doesn’t come with GI Joe.”

The little girl looked up at her mom sternly and replied, “Mom, Barbie ALWAYS comes with GI Joe. She just FAKES it with Ken.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Two Texans, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes.” Bob thinks it’s a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Jim says. “What’s that?”

The dean says, “I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“Yeah.”

“Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.”

“That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“I’m not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”

“Yes, I do have a house.”

“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”

“Yes, I have a family.”

“I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”

“I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.”

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Bob says, “What’s that?”

Jim says, “I’ll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?”

“No.”

“Then you’re a queer.”