Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

For years Blakk Frogg has struggled with the fact that millions of unlucky, or just plain slow, frogs lose their legs because some yuppie or dork trying to impress their girlfriend orders them as an appetizer at a French restaurant.  To make matters worse, recently Blakk Frogg has heard rumors that Chinese all-you-can-shove-down-your-throat buffets have started offering them as well.  “The horror….. The HORror…” (reference: dying words of Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now)

Picture millions of crippled, legless amphibians drifting around society with no one to look up to, no one to admire…. No WONDER their suicide rate has topped that of radical terrorists in the past few years!

Those days, however, have come to an end.  Thanks to a special grant from an anonymous donor who lives at 147 East 15th Street in Fairbanks, Alaska, crippled frogs worldwide can cheer on their favorite fellow legless amphibian in the Crippled Frog Olympics!  See below, please:

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Oh sure, these races lack the excitement of NASCAR or Formula 1 Racing but the little guys have heart, lots and lots of heart.  Just no legs.

Why do so many people have have such a hard time finding suitable companions?  Why can’t the right mate find them?  These two questions have plagued Blakk Frogg for a very long time…. until now.

Apparently, some morons in the Department of Transportation decided to put signs up around town and, well, you’ll understand WHY everyone has so much trouble finding happiness.  See below:

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Now that we have the problem figured out, all we have to do is figure out HOW to get all 67,000,000 of these signs down.

Sporting events have always drawn large crowds and with so many events and types of sports to choose from, some of the slower sports have adopted the policy of having Crowd Participation events where fans in the stands get to interact up close and personal with some of their favorite, and least favorite, athletic personalities. See below for an example of such an event.

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Note: The player suffered only minor injury from the overzealous fan’s punch. The fan, on the other hand, spent 3 days in intensive care after getting rushed to the emergency romm for massive internal bleeding caused by a splintered Louisville Slugger getting rammed fast, hard and deep into his rectal cavity. Although the lacerations and abrasions did not threaten the fan’s life directly and cause the extended stay, the fan’s newly discovered allergy to pine tar did.

The infamous Blakk Frogg has always warned people to watch what they eat… because one never knows when a friend, or foe, may have “slipped a little green, inside their spaghetti” (from Biz Markie’s Pickin’ Boogers Song).

Now, however, thanks to the folks responsible for Americas Best MySpace Comments, the infamous Blakk Frogg also suggests that people also watch WHERE they eat. See below for details:

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The above image raises questions, oh yes it does:

1) Is there a Mrs. Tube Steak wandering the streets alone, desperate for a set of buns to get between before getting smothered with the special meat sauce?

2) What the hell’s IN the special meat sauce?

Now that Blakk Frogg’s Sarcasm has most likely ruined your ability to have lunch, he, too, will now go and puke up his breakfast.

Americas-Best.Com Makes the Booty Go… Pa-DOW!

A recent report issued by the folks at Simply Frogg announced to the world that some people just cannot handle the tough and strenuous rigors of high level athletic competition… and that others cannot handle simple garbage collection duties.

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Yeah, the word, ‘ouch’ comes to mind at times like this.

In a strange and unusual series of events, Blakk Frogg came across thye carcass of a world-renowned actor named ‘Stuart Little’ last night.  While Blakk Frogg refuses to say WHY he visited an area of The City known for prostitution, gambling drugs and free wireless internet… the fact remains that Stuart Little has, in fact, passed on. View pic below for details:

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Yeah, sure,that looks like nothing like Stuart Little.  So what.  The title got you to click the link, right? 😛

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-Nilly, (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists..

13. Pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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