Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Three mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.

A grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The old man said, “There ain’t no way you can tell my age.”

One of the ornery grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your under shorts and we can tell your exact age.”

Embarrassed just a little, he dropped his drawers.

The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of times, asked him to turn around and jump up and down for a little while and then they all piped up and said, “You’re 84 years old!”

Confused, the old man asked, “How in the world did you guess?!?!”

The ornery old grandmas snickered and laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, “Because we were at your birthday party yesterday!”

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

$10,000 per Minute Phone Calls

A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall, and was intrigued with a sign that read, “$10,000 per minute.”

Seeking out the pastor, he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that the golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he pays the price, he can talk directly to God.

The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, Milwaukee, and around the United States, he found more such phones, with the same sign, and the same explanation from each pastor.

Finally, the man arrived in the great state of Texas. Upon entering a church, behold: he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: “Calls: 25 cents”!? Fascinated, the man asked to speak with the pastor.

“Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven, and that I could use it to talk to God…. But in 20 other churches, the cost was $10,000 per minute. Your sign says 25 cents per call. ….Why is that?”

The pastor, smiling benignly, replied: “Son, you’re in Texas now… and it’s a local call.”

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house; I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and shout, “WHO’S HORNY”…. ” and she acts like she is asleep every time.”

Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.”

The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: “What’s wrong with you?”

In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”

The big dude says: “I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me….. I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weighs 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.”

The small guy says: “Turner Brown?!…Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, ‘Turn around!'”

place your cursor over text box and press Ctrl-C to copy the HTML code
<a href=http://www.americasbestmyspacecomments.com/graphics/sex/10.php style='text-decoration: none;'><img src=http://www.americasbestmyspacecomments.com/graphics/sex/10/pics_coming-to-fuck-your-butt.jpg alt='Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments' border=0><br /><strong>Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments</a></strong>

Your loyal friend Blakk Frogg did NOT make this up:

Nintendo’s Wii controllers have wreaked havoc on flat screen TVs and tweaked more than a few elbows. That’s nothing compared to one UK woman’s claim that a tumble from the Wii Fit balance board turned her into a sex addict.

News service ANI reports that Amanda Flowers, 24, a catering worker in Manchester, England, damaged a nerve when she fell from the Fit board. When the slightest vibrations — cell phones, appliances — began to turn her on, she sought medical care. A doctor diagnosed her with persistent sexual arousal syndrome, a rare and mysterious disorder the doctor linked to Flowers’ damaged nerve.

ANI reports that Flowers now “needs 10 sex sessions a day” to satisfy her sexual arousal. “With no cure I just have to try to control my passion by breathing deeply,” she told the news service. “Hopefully one day I’ll find a superstud who can satisfy me.” ( source )

Certainly you tuned into this blog posting for one of several reasons:

1. You own a Wii Fit Console and wanted to find out how you, too, could become a sex addict.

2. If true, the story of a Wii Fit Console turning a woman into a sex addict will serve as the final reason you need to convince yourself to go out and buy one.

3. You already have an addiction to sex and want something ‘plausible’ and/or ‘scientific’ to blame it on.

4. You fear that your current (unattractive) sex partner may suffer a similar fate and you want to know if you need to sabotage his/her Wii Fit Console so you don’t wind up having to ‘do the nasty’ 10 times a day to satisfy their needs.

So… What other reasons can YOU think of that caused people to flock to this blog posting, huh?

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

There is no “I” in team. But there are three U’s in “Shut the Fu#k Up!”

Never forget that.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

While Blakk Frogg certainly didn’t come up w/ that one on his own, he did laugh his amphibious nuts off when he read it and felt obligated to share! Now shut the f#ck up and get him a cold beer!

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

This came to us while talking about the consumption of meat with a friend that eats very little meat, but does enjoy some bacon every once in a while… otherwise she couldn’t hang out w/ us anymore. Ha ha.

The depth and significance of what you will soon read may shake the very foundation of your diet… FOREVER… so don’t say no one warned you.

Meat = Meal

If you simply cross the ” l “.

Yes… Meat as a meal now makes even more sense than ever, right? We thought it would.

Image Sent by a Fellow Bacon Lover. Solidarity in Meat!

If we could live on bacon alone, we certainly would… but that would mean giving up beer, so maybe not having the ability to live solely on the greasy goodness of bacon has merits.

Very FEW merits, but merits none-the-less. Perhaps only one.

A while back we found ourselves faced with an upcoming weekend… for which we thanked the Sun, Moon, Stars and, of course, the Bacon Gods. In preparation for the joyous event we stocked up on all the necessities:

• Beer
• Tequila
• Vodka
• More Beer
• Margarita Mix
• More Tequila
• Bacon
• Eggs
• More Bacon
• … and a Fire Extinguisher

If you have to ask WHY we would need a fire extinguisher, you have OBVIOUSLY never attended one of our famous outdoor gatherings around the bonfire… the bonfire that lights up the light sky and resembles an atomic explosion to neighbors 50 miles away.

Granted we usually keep a garden hose handy for these events, but sometimes drunk people like to get a little too close to the fire and experience has taught us that chasing a flaming drunk around with a garden hose doesn’t always work out as planned. A fire extinguisher comes as a convenient, self-contained unit with no long tail attached to the house which can and WILL knock damn near EVERYthing in the backyard over as you chase down a flaming, drunken retard you call your best friend on any other day.

Yep. We really should have taken pictures from that weekend. On second thought, stuff like that can end up in a Court of Law. Never mind. We’ll stick with the few, fuzzy, and severely alcohol diluted memories we can remember.

Less jail time that way.

If ya’ think about the term ‘combo platter’, ya’ probably get visions of Chinese takeout dancing through that tiny little brain of yours… well stop it right now! We will NOT tolerate such tomfoolery around here!

OK, we’ll tolerate it, but you have to give us an eggroll.

Getting back to the point of today’s bacon blog, we wanted to create our own combo platter using similar meats, but with a twist… we wanted to wrap them in bacon!

Chicken, Shrimp & Bacon Combo Platter?

And so now we say, “HA!” to General Tso and his friends Sesame Chicken, Mu Shu Pork, and Fried Rice! Then we curse at them in Mandarin and dump diet soy sauce on their doorsteps!

A while back David Spade and Chris Farley (RIP) starred in a comedy called Black Sheep and at one point in the movie Chris put on David’s suit jacket or blazer –which CLEARLY did NOT fit him — and pranced around the room chanting, “Big man, little coat… Big man, little coat” and then the coat ripped. Ha ha. Too funny. Guess you had to have seen the movie, though.

At any rate, we got some black pepper bacon from the store the other day and noticed that each strip had either taken Viagra or the butcher shop cut them extra large and long. Either way, we just HAD to try fitting as much of our meat in the… pan as possible.

Don’t sit there and act like you wouldn’t do the same thing, dang it! ‘Cuz you know you would try to fit as much of your meat in as you could!

Big Bacon, Little Pan! Big Bacon, Little Pan!