Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Once in a while people create their own words, and this time Blakk Frogg jotted a few of them down w/ definitions for your reading pleasure. Well, OK, someone sent him an email and all he did was re-post it. Fine. You caught him. See if he cares.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It’s when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it’s a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon: (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic Fit ( n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beezelbug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Council Bluffs who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Des Moines and one of my sisters, who lives in Ames, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Iowa City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Bettendorf for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting trial on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Davenport. She is still a part time ‘working girl’.

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Cornhusker fan?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

==========================

Dear Worried,

Can I have your sisters’ phone number?

Signed,

Abby’s Husband

———-

More Sarcasm and Jokes.

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an ‘F’ in arithmetic.

“Why?” asks the father?

“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3,'” I said “6”, replies TONY.

“But that’s right!” says his dad.

“Yeah, but then she asked me “How much is 3×2?'”

“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.

“That’s what I said!”

more funny pics on SarcasticMySpaceComments.Com

Two boys are playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is
attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took
his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog’s collar and
twist, luckily breaking the dog’s neck and stopping its attack.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
interview the boy.

“Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal…” he starts
writing in his notebook.

“But, I’m not a Bruins Fan,” the little hero replied. “Sorry, since
we’re in Boston, I just assumed you were,” said the reporter and starts
again.

“Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack…” he continued
writing in his notebook.

“I’m not a Red Sox fan either!” The boy said.

“I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox
So, what team do you root for?” the reporter asked.

“I’m a Yankees fan!” the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet
in his notebook and writes:

“Little Bastard from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet.”

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”

The teacher replied, ‘Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’

Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a TEN!”

find more fun on Simply Frogg

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.

First, she called! on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”

“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.”

She said, “Excellent, Michael!” Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

“Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'”

more jokes on Simply Frogg

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”

Little TONY replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”

The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”

Little TONY answered, “No, he minded his own damn business.”

more jokes at Simply Frogg

Last night as I lamented over having to go to bed alone it dawned on me that I have the ability to do something that a fella shacked up with a female companion cannot safely do… so I let loose a 10 second anal explosion that caused the covers at the end of the bed to fly up and my feet to get real warm, real fast.

The unlucky bastard with a woman would’ve gotten smacked for that.

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments

OK, this got on Blakk Frogg’s nerves last night.

Why do some guys feel the need to grunt, groan, sigh loudly and/or say, “Ohhhhhhh…..  Whew. Oh boy this feels good” while using the urinal in a public restroom? Do they think anyone CARES to hear that sort of thing?

Better question: Do they do that at home as well or do they save those special performances for public outings?

So fellas, if you fall into the category of Dipshit Who Does This, please STOP. No one cares about your moments of joy at the urinal.

Americas Best MySpace Toilet Comments

From time to time Blakk Frogg writes some rather interesting emails to good friends…. and this time he has a few things to say about his sex life:

“I wouldn’t be able to last more than 15 seconds w/ a woman these days ‘cuz of stress and “lack recent wiener activity.”  She’d say, “Hi” and I’d already have to clean the protein smears from my underwear.  So, so wrong and unfair to me.  Ever hear of blue balls?  Mine are burgundy.”

“I’m the walking, talking Special Olympics of sex.”