Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

This letter/editorial came from a woman who had some definite opinions on the United States Immigration Policies and put together a pretty good analogy…..

“Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.”

“Let’s say I break into your house. Let’s say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, “I’ve made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I’ve done all the things you don’t like to do. I’m hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house).”

“According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family’s insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).”

“If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there. It’s only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I’m just trying to better myself. I’m hard-working and honest, um, except for well, you know.”

“And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me.”

“Why can’t people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America….if you agree, pass it on (in English). Share it if you see the value of it as a good simile. If not blow it off along with your future Social Security funds.”

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Now what could Blakk Frogg possibly have to say after that? Hmmm….. Nope. Nothing. He does, however, have a funny picture to show you, though:

Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

note: the above picture is clearly an image from a World Cup Soccer match that someone photoshop’ed, in case y’all couldn’t figure it out. Find more funny/sexy/sarcastic photoshop’ed images here.

Blakk Frogg apologizes in advance for publishing this list of really, really bad puns. However, if he had to read through these and suffer, so do you.

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16. A calendar’s days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Three men… a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker, sat in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn’t like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her.”

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, “Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn’t like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her.”

The Biker then took a big swig from his beer and said, “Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn’t like the t-shirt, then she could go fuck herself.”

Americas Best MySpace Motorcycles Comments

Some things defy logic, like WHY a man would try having sex with a hedgehog — but never-the-less a man did indeed try to do so….

Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.

But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog’s needles left his penis severely lacerated.

A hospital spokesman said: “The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis.”

Article originally posted on www.ananova.com

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Blakk Frogg asks, “Cure his premature ejaculation? What the HELL sort of medicinal properties could the vagina of a hedgehog possess that would cure premature ejaculation? Oh, well NOW he won’t have to worry about coming too quickly with woman. Why? Because what sort of woman wants to shack up with a guy who willfully fucks a hedgehog?!?”

Sorry there’s no pic to go with this sorry ass news story (not really sorry, though), so have fun with these Free MySpace Sex Comments.

Good driver? Bad driver? Safe driver? Danger to society?

A lot of people do NOT think while driving, and the following question will help you to find out if you fall into that ‘non-thinking driver’ category…

Situation: While driving down a narrow 2-lane road that the Department of Motor Vehicles has clearly marked as a no passing zone for the next 15 miles, you come up behind a pedestrian riding a bicycle…. and there is NO shoulder to ride on. Also, your lane does not have enough room for both the pedestrian on the bike and your vehicle. At this time you see no vehicles approaching in the opposite lane.

Question: Do you A) Approach slowly from the rear and pass on the left at the first possible moment? B) Approach slowly, sound horn softly so as to let the pedestrian know they need to pull over so that you can pass safely? C) Follow at a close, but safe distance with your flashers on until the road signs say you can pass legally?

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Results: The correct answer is “C: Follow at a close, but safe distance with your flashers on until the road signs say you can pass legally.” No need to take any unnecessary risks on the road that would endanger other drivers, violate the law, or put pedestrians in harm’s way.

Interesting Corollary: The majority of men have no problem with that simple test and pass with flying colors. Women, on the other hand, haver a tendency to fail this test pretty much each and every time. No one has a clue why, though…..

Let’s flash back, for a second, to a topic with created a lot of controversy a few months ago: Michael Vick. Blakk Frogg will neither condemn, condone nor come up with excuses for the illegal activities the former NFL Player allegedly took part in.

Instead, and as usual, Blakk Frogg will make fun of the situation.

And as the boy prayed for his grandma, grandpa, mommy, daddy, and little sister, the dog said a prayer of its own: “Dear Lord. Thank your for delivering me to Timmy’s house and not to Michael Vick’s. Amen”

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Now what sick, twisted, demented motherfrogger came up with THIS inflatable beast? Nothing screams ‘FUN’ like a 4-foot tall pair of pink labial lips bouncing around in the hot sunlight.

Americas Best MySpace Random Comments

Seriously, though. What warped little cookie thought, “You know, nothing makes kids giggle with glee more than seeing a cute monkey with a blown-out vagina…..”

On another note, authorities think that giant monkey vagina swallowed Blakk Frogg’s car last week. Who wants to go in after it?

Blakk Frogg did not drink this evening…. and so therefore it seemsas though he posted new free MySpace Drinking Comments to his Americas Best MySpace Comments project. See below for a few examples…. and someone PLEASE get Blakk Frogg a damn beer now!

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

So you see, Blakk Frogg staying sober every once in a while really does work out in your best interest…. though he WOULD appreciate someone bringing him a damn beer sometime this froggin’ century! Don’t make him beg, damn it!

Recently a photo got published in tabloid which proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that the energy crisis has hit even the most efficient machines in our society…..

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Please, folks… Don’t let your fear of walking an extra 20 feet in a parking lot keep you from taking that spot at the end. Every drop of gasoline you waste circling the parking lot like a fat vulture waiting for an easy meal takes food out of some poor, starving psychotic robot’s tank.

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments