Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Archive for the ‘Redneck’ Category

With gas prices as high as they are, some people have started using ‘gas additives’ to increase the number of miles per gallon their vehicles get.  While some folks go with traditional gas additives, others have resorted to ‘alternative gas additives’. . . .

alternative gas additives

Consumer Reports has not yet issued a study on the effectiveness of ‘alternative gas additives’, but this guy doesn’t care. He’s doing his part to cut back on fossil fuel consumption and that, friends, is all he cares about.

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.


Americas Best Comments

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.


Americas Best Comments

The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.


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Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

03 Apr, 2008

Rules for Redneck Living

Posted by: admin In: Funny Jokes|Humor|Jokes|Redneck|Sarcastic

GENERAL RULES

1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

2. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

4. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

DINING OUT

1. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone….. Deodorant is a waste of good money.

Next Rules for Redneck Living Page


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

5. You think “The Nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.

more ‘you might be a redneck’ jokes

Time again to recap the most popular jokes on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog for the past 30 days! Seems that a lot of you like sex, pretty girls and that sort of thing this month. . . Ya’ bunch of horny bastards! 😛

Blakk Frogg wants to give honorable mention to Calories Burned During Sex, Carolina Panthers Cheerleader Has a NICE Ass, Tightrope Walker and the 85 Year Old Blowjob, Blonde and the Bodybuilder and 365 Attempts to Have Sex.

Well, that’s all for now. . . but don’t fret because blakk frogg will return again with some new lists of the most popular myspace comments on his myspace resource sites!

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded, ’cause you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea … I can’t hold it in and it runs like a river.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

4) Do you have a library card, ’cause I’d sure like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in your hole.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away, sweetheart.

8) Man – “Fat Penguin!”
Woman – “WHAT?”
Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

10) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

and…. saving the best for last!

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

27 Feb, 2008

Redneck Driver’s License Application

Posted by: admin In: Redneck|Sarcastic

Last name: ________________

(Check appropriate box)
First name-First name:

[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse’s Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse’s Name: __________________________
Lover’s Name: __________________________
2nd Lover’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________
Father’s Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Number of firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain: _____________

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] 4×4 Weekly
[_] Hot Rods & Handguns

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don’t know


Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

South Carolina (A.P. Newswire) — Following a string of complaints from residents about unusually large numbers of men cruising up and down the streets of towns located throughout certain parts of South Carolina, State and Local law enforcement agents set out to catch these men and bring them to Justice.

After setting up surveillance to see what draws all these men out, the departments pooled their resources and came up with the perfect plan to catch them. To date, more than 740 men have been arrested thanks to the help of South Carolina’s newest law enforcement officer:

Click Here For A Picture of This Brave Agent in Action


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About This Site


First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


  • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
  • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
  • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]