Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Washington , DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million “middle-man” positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every talented hire.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough measures to make it difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember “rightey tightey, lefty loosey.”

“This new law should be real good for people like me,” Gertz added.

Said a Senator who wished to remain anonymous: “As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, the opportunity to take up some sort of space in this great nation and get a good salary for doing so.”

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Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Montana contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. That’s $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. That’s $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus Plan worked.

Bitter Truth About the IRS and Customer Service!

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo where 183 men waited to do battle.

He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort where he joined William B. Travis and Jim Bowie and alongside them gazed out over the top of the wall.

Without flinching these three great men gazed at the horde of over 7,000 Mexicans moving steadily toward them.

With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said, ‘Jim, are we having some landscaping done today?’

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We don’t know the ‘actual’ reasoning for this shirt’s creation but we suspect that its “Stop Being Difficult and Take It in the Ass” slogan has something to do with one of the following:

• The continuing disappearance of personal rights & freedoms
• A new slogan used by TSA at airport security checkpoints
• The latest campaign slogan of a Presidential Candidate
• That awkward moment when a man realizes prison rape stories are more than just stories
• How a married man feels after having sex with the same woman for 20 years

If you have any other ideas, please leave them in the comments section and if Blakk Frogg likes your ideas he’ll add them to the list!

We all know the United States Government needs help when it comes to reducing the amount of money it spends and we believe we have found the ideal areas of ‘fat’ the should get trimmed off the government budget:

Great Places to Trim the Budget

As tax season rages on, many people find themselves bogged down with receipts, paperwork, accounting ledgers, and burning questions regarding claiming dependents.

Claiming Too Many Dependents on Tax Forms? I Guess So!

Some people say Blakk Frogg has a face for radio… and the personality of a pissed off walrus with a toothache. Regardless of that, he knows for a fact that a guy named Lewza ought not enter ANY competitions, let alone run for office!

Would you vote for a guy named Lewza?

Our sources report that this sign actually got used in a real election someplace in Upstate New York.

Hard pressed to identify the cause of yesterday’s East Coast earthquake, President Obama’s top scientists have just revealed the name of the exact tectonic ridge responsible for all the ruckus: “Bush’s Fault”.

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Latest Immigration Poll in Arizona:

The latest telephone poll taken by the Arizona Governor’s office, asked whether people who live in Arizona think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.”

71% of respondents answered: “No es una problema seriosa.”

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Disclaimer: The mighty Blakk Frogg does NOT discriminate against mexicans, dominicans, russians, ugly people, goat-humping people, anti-Castro demonstrators, flying squirrels, flattened squirrels, people of color, people who lack color, straight people, crooked people, people who hate people OR people who loved too many people, or the wrong people, and caught the gift that keeps on giving…. so don’t flood Blakk Frogg with your hastily written, hateful emails ‘cuz he posted this.

It was funny, and you laughed… so shut your rotten talk hole!

Abu al-Zarqawi died and George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates.
George reached back like a pimp, slapped him across the face, and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!”

Patrick Henry approached, drew back his fist, punched him in the nose, and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!”

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin, and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”

Thomas Jefferson then beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled, “It was Evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence!”

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe, and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist Leader.

As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding profusely and in excruciating pain, an Angel appeared.

Al- Zarqawi wept and with blood in his teeth said, “This is not what you promised me…”

The Angel replied softly, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?”

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