Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, “Where in the hell have you been?” Larry replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.”

“A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?” “I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates!” he said proudly.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain. “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”

“Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”

Larry is recovering in room 232 at Mercy Hospital.

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A man walks into a lawyer’s office and asks how much the barrister’s rates are. The lawyer says, “Fifty dollars for three questions.”

The man asks, “Isn’t that awfully expensive?”

“Yes,” the lawyer replies. “What’s your third question?”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

I went to a psychiatrist because I was having severe problems with my sex life. The psychiatrist asked me a lot of questions, but didn’t seem to be getting a clear picture of my problems.

Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your girlfriend’s face while you’re having sex?”

“Well, yes, I did once.”

“Well, how did she look?”

“Oh boy… she looked VERY angry!”

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, “Well that’s very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend’s face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual to me. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?”

“She was watching us through the window!”

Sarcastic Picture Comments

A blonde’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of this highway occurs.

It’s not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the hell is going on here?”

“My car broke down,” says the lady, calmly.

“Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!” asks the cop…

And she said….

(This is good…)

(Ready?)

(Remember, she’s a blonde…)

“Those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.

Flash Me! I’m Bored!

Never thought I’d ever see something in Walmart that I simply just cannot live without… until now. For Christmas I’d like a “Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp”

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Naturally I wonder what sort of options the Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp comes with. A bib, perhaps? And can you order your Sip-n-Slurp in a choice of hair colors? Body type? Suction rating?

Every Sunday afternoon everyone in the neighborhood would meet at the nearby cross roads and country store to compare their weekend catches. Everyone had normal size fish except this one old farmer who had always brought in huge fish.

The game warden heard about this and showed up one Sunday afternoon. After inspecting the old farmers fish, he turned to the farmer and said “If you don’t show me your fishing spot , I’m going to have to close you down.”

The farmer replied by telling him to come out to the farm in the morning and he would take him fishing.

The next morning the game warden shows up with his pole and the farmer tells him to climb onto the tractor. They head out into this big field until they come to a little pond.

The warden is scratching his head because all he sees is a rotten old skiff, when he expected a large lake and something closer to a yacht.

The farmer said to get in and they start rowing out to the middle. About this time the warden notices that there are no fishing poles.

As he is about to say something, the farmer reaches into a box and pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it into the pond.

After the water and smoke settle, he paddles around picking up the fish.

The warden’s jaw is on the deck. He can’t talk for a minute. When he finds his voice, he starts in on the farmer about how he can’t believe what just happened and starts screaming to the farmer about all the regulations he has broken.

While this is taking place the farmer calmly reaches into the box grabs another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the warden and asks him if he is going to fish or talk.

Simply Frogg and Americas Best

What’s more American than listening to G’n'R Paradise City in the garage, drinking beer, cleaning the garage, and making sure the kids don’t kill each other. . . with meat on the grill. . firearms safely stored. . just got permission from the neighbor to walk in his yard to stain that side of the fence. . and Free Bird just started playing?

God (or whatever deity you believe in) has blessed this Country. Return the blessing by helping those around you!

Pass it on if ya’ think this makes sense!

Blakk Frogg says, “I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag…”

Hard pressed to identify the cause of yesterday’s East Coast earthquake, President Obama’s top scientists have just revealed the name of the exact tectonic ridge responsible for all the ruckus: “Bush’s Fault”.

Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.

Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening’s lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, “Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?”

“That is an extremely simple question,” he responded. “So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do.”

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys, Rum and ice will ruin your liver, Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart, Gin and ice will ruin your brain, and last but not least, coke and ice will ruin your teeth.

That bloody ice is lethal. Warn all your friends: Lay off the ICE!

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments