Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A Bulgarian woman driver escaped relatively unscathed from a head-on pile-up with another vehicle when her 40DD breast implants absorbed most of the impact, Ananova reports.

Elena Marinova, 24, of Sofia, pranged her motor in the northern city of Ruse. Both cars were written off and the other driver seriously injured, local paper Standart reported.

A police expert explained: “[The implants] worked just like airbags – protecting the victim’s ribs and vital organs from damage.” He did, however, add: “They are not as safe as the real thing because they exploded, which airbags are not supposed to do.”

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Quick and easy and so delicious!

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing – imagine that.

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try:

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

• 6-7 lb. Chicken
• 1 cup melted butter
• 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
• 1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER’S LOW FAT). Add salt/pepper to taste.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken’s ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it’s done.

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8 things you’ll never hear a man say:

8) Here honey, you use the remote.

7) You know, I’d like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

6) Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That’s one movie I gotta see!

5) While I’m up, can I get you anything?

4) Sex isn’t that important, sometimes I just want to be held.

3) Aww, forget Monday night football, let’s watch Melrose Place.

2) Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.

1) We never talk anymore.

8 things you’ll never hear a woman say:

8) What do you mean today’s our anniversary?

7) Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV.

6) Ohh, this diamond is way to big!

5) Can our relationship get a little more physical? I’m tired of being ‘just friends’

4) Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

3) Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there.

2) I don’t care if it’s on sale, 300 dollars is way to much for a designer dress.

1) Hey, pull my finger!

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie.

The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So…what’ll it be?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East . See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony.”

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years…I’m good but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable.”

The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able find the right man. You know – one that’s considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for… a good man.”

The genie let out a sigh and said, “Let me see the fucking map again.”

————-

Find more jokes here.

Although Blakk Frogg has the utmost respect for the fat man in the red suit, he does think the old boy could use a little amusement on his one night of worldwide travel…

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

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4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say “We hate Christmas,” and “Go away Santa.”

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7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he’s in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn’t have missed that last payment, and take off.

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10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, “For The Tooth Fairy. :)” Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, “For Santa. :(“

11. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, “Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.”

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

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13. While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa’s sure to see them. Go outside, yell, “Ooh! Look! A deer! And he’s got a red nose!” and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you’ve moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

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16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you’re sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint “hoof-prints” all over your face and clothes. While he’s in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you’ve been “trampled.” Threaten to sue for personal injury.

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19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, “This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us…”

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As I walked down a busy sidewalk in the middle afternoon, already late for an important meeting, I spotted one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds now found in pretty much every city these days.

Wearing what I can only describe as tattered rags and carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, this poor soul’s pitiful condition pulled heavy on my heart strings.

Some people turned to stare while others quickly looked away as if the sight, itself, would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling the words once spoken by a priest I’d read about many years ago, a man who’d made an admonition to ‘care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked’. His words echoed in my head I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a deep, hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out to me and said, “Reach out, reach out!”

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And so I did…

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I wonder if the priest went through this?

Over his numerous years in ‘the business’, Blakk Frogg has noticed that people, mostly men have an unusual obsession with the term ‘camel toe’ and will go to great lengths trying to find examples of it, pictures of it, stories about it, and real-life encounters with it whenever possible.

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A few years ago he posted an image which cleared up the question of, “Is there a difference between camel toe and moose knuckle?”

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Well now people have come forward and asked Blakk Frogg, “What happens when a man goes too long w/o getting any Camel Toe?”

Previously doctors and scientisists agreed that a condition known as ‘blue balls’ set in and the man endured agonizing pain in his scrotum.  Now, however, thanks to the diligent research of Blakk Frogg, the world has a NEW answer: Men, as a in general, tend to take things quite literally at times so when the pain of ‘blue balls’ sets in, and sets in good, we go after the first thing we see that makes us think about the thing we want… and we go after it with everything we’ve got!

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Yet another mystery solved by the infamous Blakk Frogg…. you can thank him later at Happy Hour.  Oh, and before you get pissed at him for possibly poking fun at a member of the US Military, please take a good, long look at the image below:

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Now you tell him… If YOU had to deal with crazy-eyed, weapon-toting motherfuckers like that 24 hours a day for a year at a time and get no camel toe for that entire time, wouldn’t YOUR mind start to wander, too?

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,

“Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”

Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.

Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.

“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang…..

“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”

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Wanna’ know what all the COOL people in your office have been laughing at?  Curious to know why Steve shot coffee out of his nose this morning?  Of course you are!  Read the most popular Blakk Frogg Blog postings & pages for the last 30 days on Da’ Blakk Frogg Blog and rejoin the land of the amused!

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him The teenager would look and find him
staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, “What’s the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not
choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in
classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

“Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.  I was just wondering if
you were my son.”

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