Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Helllloooo!!! Bottles won’t fit in typewriter!

March

Got really excited….. finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…. box said “2-4 years!”

April

Trapped on an escalator for hours….. power went out!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid….. wrong instructions…. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!

June

Tried to go water skiing….. couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition….. learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August

Got locked out of my car in rainstorm….. car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is “C”….. isn’t it?

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days….. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 lbs!

December

Couldn’t call 911….. “duh”….. there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!

What a year!

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Everyone knows Blakk Frogg likes to drink. Therefore, he proudly presents you with a joke about the creation of a new, yummy mixed drink BOUND to make the ladies squeal!

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and asks, “Bartender, got any specials today?”

Bartender answers, “Why yes, as a matter of fact we do, a brand new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It’s a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka.”

The guy asks, “Good grief, what do you call that?”

The bartender replied, “A Pabst Smir.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbucks’ one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes, the Greek guy says, “Well, we have the Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”

And so on and so on, until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion… With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.”

Americas Best MySpace Girls Comments

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The cowgirl replies, “Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia , the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I’m drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” she explains, “It’s just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.”

“Hasn’t affected my sisters though.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

“I miss you! I really miss you! & I tried to visit you, but the dumb ass security guard wouldn’t let me in the zoo!”

“Pussy is like a peach. It’s fat, full of juice, & if you go in deep enough, you’ll get a nut.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“After great sex, she lies there playing with his penis. He asks, “Do you want more?” “No,” she says, “just admiring your penis. I miss mine.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose. How does a vagina look after sex? Ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“SPECIAL REPORT: The police are arresting hoochies w/ good coochies. Run bitch run!! They already got me!” (I’ve also heard this one the other way around… “You don’t have to worry, but come bail me out.”)

“Li’l red riding hood met the big bad wolf at the club. He took her home & asked, “Can I stick it in?” She said, “No, Just stick to the story & eat me!”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“Mr Penis said to the balls, “Get ready we’re going to a party.” His balls said, “Fuckin’ liar! You always go inside & leave us outside knockin’, bitch!”

“Women have unique magic tricks. They get wet w/o water, bleed w/o injury, and make boneless things hard.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“How do you feel abt oral sex? Does it go both ways? If so, then sitting on my face is a good idea. I’d like to invite you over for a formal sitting.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“3 of my hoes escaped last night. I found 1 @ a strip club, 1 on a corner, but where the fuck are you?!”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“Snow White was fired from Disney World today. She was caught sitting on Pinochio’s face screaming, “Lie mother fucker, lie!”

So it has been a few days that Adam has been in existence. Wondering what is missing in his life, when he comes face to face with God.

God asks him, “My son, are you happy?” and Adam replies, “yes, it is beautiful here, the mountains are lovely, the sparkling water is gorgeous, the animals are all in harmony- and yet, I feel as though something is missing. I don’t know….it is like all the animals are in pairs, but I have no one. It is just me and nature. It would be nice to have a companion of some sort, you know.”

God says,’” Well, I think that I know the solution to your emptiness. I will create someone for you. She is to be your soul mate, and compliment you in every way imaginable. You will never argue, never tire of her, she will always be loyal, understanding, with the ability to read your mind and your desires. She will fulfill you 100%, everyday, for the rest of your days on this Earth.”

“Wow”, exclaims Adam, “that is unbelievable. Yes absolutely, I am positive that this creature will totally complete me. When will I get to meet her?”

“No… not so fast,” God says,” a creature this perfect is not for free, it will cost you quite a bit.”

Adam replies “Really, how much would you say?”

Rubbing his chin, God answers, “Let’s see, it will cost you an arm and a leg”

Adam remains pensive for a moment, to which he then responds, “Hmmmm… that is a lot to pay. What can I get for a rib?”

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

Bob and his lovely blonde wife live in Wisconsin. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park………..” then the electric power goes out. Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Honey why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”

Blakk Frogg says, “Sometimes family gets in the way of a person’s natural recovery.”

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The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, so she could be a part of her 100th birthday celebration.

Grandma couldn’t speak very well, so she wrote notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some attentive family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows under her right side.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the loving family members grabbed her and stuffed pillows under her, this time on the left side on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the devoted family members again grabbed her and set her upright. They then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, “Hi Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?”

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, “They won’t let me fart.”

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

So anyways, Blakk Frogg made it back from a business trip to Las Vegas last night… a little after 1 AM. He had all sorts of ‘interesting’ dreams and those dreams brought him to the conclusion that he needed to post something called “I Love Wicked Wednesdays”.

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

What makes those so wicked? Beats the Hell out of Blakk Frogg… so get over it. 😛

= = = = = =

Find more ‘naughty myspace comments’ at Americas Best MySpace Adult Comments.

Anyone who has ever owed the IRS money will LOVE this joke. Also, if you despise lawyers, you’ll like the joke even more.

= = = = = = = = =

The IRS decided to audit Ralph, and summoned him to the local IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Ralph showed up with his attorney.

The auditor began with, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win all of your money by gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” replied Ralph. “How about a little demonstration?”

The auditor thought for a moment then said, “Okay. Go ahead.”

Ralph said, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thought a moment and replied, “No way! It’s a bet.”

So Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.

The auditor’s jaw dropped.

Next, Ralph said, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor could see it was obvious Ralph wasn’t blind, so he took the bet. Where upon, Ralph removed his dentures and “bit” his good eye.

The stunned auditor realized he had just wagered and lost three grand with Ralph’s attorney as a witness, and he began to get a little nervous.

“Want to go for double or nothing?” Ralph asked. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, was really cautious now, but he looked carefully at the situation and decided that there was no way this guy could manage a stunt like that, so he agreed to the wager.

Ralph stood beside the desk and unzipped his pants, but although he strained mightily, he just couldn’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side of the desk, which meant he pretty much urinated all over the IRS official’s desk. The auditor leaped with joy, realizing that he had just turned a major loss into a huge win.

Meanwhile, Ralph’s attorney moaned and put his head between his hands.

“Are you okay?” the auditor asked.

“Not really,” answered the attorney. “This morning, when Ralph told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official’s desk and that you’d be real happy about it