Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

I was in Costco the other day, pushing a cart around, when I collided with a young guy also pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going..”

The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s just a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

So, I said, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”

The young guy says, “Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”

I said, “That doesn’t matter. Let’s look for yours.”

Americas Best MySpace Break Ups Comments

A real woman is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible. . .

No wait… Sorry… I’m thinking of beer.

That’s what beer does…

Never mind.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren’t at home.

The father told the mother, “If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.

He saw the note they had left, saying they’d be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said, “Damn! It’s even worse than I ever imagined…”

“What do you mean?” his wife inquired.

“He’s gonna be a politician!” the father replied.

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A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, “What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?”

The gentlemen responded, “Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and I flash them.

“My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”

Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work.

So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, “By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?”

“No,” she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous.”

During the month of March 2010 your good friend Blakk Frogg had a lot of ups and downs. When he had beer and bacon, he felt great. When he ran out of either, or both, he felt like his bacon-loving had all gotten crushed by a fat woman’s bulbous rear end.

Although completely unrelated, he now gives you the most popular pages from Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog — whether you like it or not.

• Potato Prostitute?
• Sarcastic Motivational Posters
• 21 Things to Wonder About
• Jokes Making Fun of Men
• Seven Types of Sex
• Quick and Dirty Jokes
• Sexual Adult MySpace Comments?
• Sarcastic/Funny Motivational Posters
• Spin the Bottle
• Dear Abby Bass Fishing Letter

To celebrate the day when a lot of people injure themselves while puking up green beer, Jameson’s Irish Whiskey, and whatever foods they managed to scarf down between raucous verses of songs they sing only when wasted, or as we like to call it, shit hammered on St. Patrick’s Day, we will not post a list of jokes involving drinking:

• New Mixed Drink for Her Man
• Average Miles per Gallon for Beer Drinking Americans
• The Alcoholic Alphabet
• Old Lady Joins a Biker Gang
• Why Parents and Grandparents Drink
• I Spat in This Beer
• Martini and the Shirt Pocket
• Drunk Guy Waiting on the Corner

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

A rural Texas farmer’s wife came home and found her husband in bed with another woman.

She was so mad – she grabbed him by the hair of his head and yanked him right out of bed and across the room. She dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.

She put his tally-whacker in a vice, and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old rusty saw.

The banged up farmer was terrified, and hollered, “Stop! Stop! you’re not gonna’ cut it off with that rusty damn saw, are you?”

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her cheating husband’s hand and said, “Nope. I’m gonna’ set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do what you gotta’ do!!!”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during a rendezvous, she confided in him she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back.

He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

“Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.”

“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it,” he said nonchalantly.

The wife watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

History: Blakk Frogg came across the above photograph mounted on the wall of an Italian restaurant on the outskirts of Munich, Germany near the old Munich airport. Not that too many of you would CARE where the image came from, but for those that did care, thank you for caring. As for the rest of you, go scratch!

Abu al-Zarqawi died and George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates.
George reached back like a pimp, slapped him across the face, and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!”

Patrick Henry approached, drew back his fist, punched him in the nose, and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!”

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin, and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”

Thomas Jefferson then beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled, “It was Evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence!”

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe, and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist Leader.

As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding profusely and in excruciating pain, an Angel appeared.

Al- Zarqawi wept and with blood in his teeth said, “This is not what you promised me…”

The Angel replied softly, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

2009 has come and gone just as all the years before it and at various times throughout 2009 everyone laughed, cried, held their breath at times, panicked a bit, flew off the handle a few dozen times. . . and maybe some of you lucky bastards even got laid a few times.

In honor of last year’s timely demise, Blakk Frogg will now reveal the most popular Blakk Frogg Joke Blog Postings for the Filthy-Minded Masses. Enjoy!

• Potato Prostitute?
• Sarcastic Motivational Posters
• Dirty-Minded MySpace Comment Pictures
• Seven Types of Sex
• Cheerleader Spin the Bottle
• Carolina Panthers Cheerleader Booty
• Dear Abby Bass Fishing Letter
• Humor for Mature Minded Individuals
• Funny Jokes for Adults
• Love the Harley Davidson

Well we hope you enjoyed 2009’s most popular perversions and will continue to tune into Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog in 2010… ‘cuz we promise to keep posting stuff you will most likely deny ever reading!

Oh, and before we go, you really should Click Here to See Me Naked. Ha ha…