Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following tems on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

“First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.”

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue… salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys… smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks… this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

In one second the sharp lime taste hits… At two seconds the Baileys curdles. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, “Jesus, what do you call that drink?”

She smiles widely at him and says, “Blow Job Revenge.”

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Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, ya’ self-righteous maggots! Time to celebrate the upcoming Christmas Holiday with some Christmas humor, funny Christmas pics and other stuff that more or less makes fun of Christmas!

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And now we must begin the list of Christmas postings we’ve posted over the years on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog… so deal with it!

• Merry Christmas, Bitch! — a Blakk Frogg Favorite!
• Perfect Man, Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus
• Loud Fart on Christmas Morning

• Most Popular for Last 30 Days
• Funny Jokes for Adults
• Squirrels in Houses of Worship

• Train Set and Bad Language
• You Might be a Redneck Jokes
• Christmas Party in Alaska

• Facts About Reindeer
• Onions and Christmas Trees
• Pissed Off Santa Poem

• 20 Ways to Confuse Santa Clause
• Blondes Decorating My Christmas Tree
• Pedro and His Girlfriend

• No More Ho’s for Santa Clause?
• Reality for Pumpkins After Halloween Passes

Well there you have it. Blakk Frogg’s official Christmas posting. Now someone PLEASE get him a case of beer! Pronto!

A smart-ass lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is much better than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy’s expense.

The deputy says, “License and registration, please.”

“What for?” asks the lawyer.

The deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

Then the lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.”

“You still didn’t come to a complete stop,” says the deputy. “License and registration, please.”

The lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!” the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

“That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,” the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, “Now, do you want me to “stop” or just “slow down?”

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DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs..”

The rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish….. On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? ”

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

“Your badge! Show him your BADGE!”

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Two men are driving through Georgia when they get pulled over by a State Trooper.

The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK! The cop smacks him in the head with the stick.

“What the hell was that for?” the driver asks.

“You’re in Georgia, Boy,” the trooper answers. “When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car.”

“I’m sorry, Officer,” the driver says, “I’m not from around here.”

The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license — he’s clean — so gives the guy his license back.

The trooper THEN walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK! The trooper smacks HIM on the head with the nightstick.

“What’d you do that for,” the passenger asks.

“Just making your wish come true,” replies the trooper.

“Making WHAT wish come true,” the passenger asks.

“Because I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna turn to your buddy and say, ‘I wish that asshole would’ve tried that shit with me!'”

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I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me …. it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got a view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

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One day the little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and! if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test…..we couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!”

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And the moral of this story is:

Always keep the condoms in your car.

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A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man.

‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

‘Where the heck are you going?’, said the wife.

The man said, ‘I want to see how you’re gonna live on just $800 a year!’

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A biker walks into a convenience at about 2:30 in the morning. He walks up to the cashier and asks “Where are your tampons?”

The clerk tells him, “Right down on aisle three, on the end to the left.”

The biker disappears down the aisle and finally, about 45 minutes later, he returns carrying toilet paper and cotton balls.

The cashier starts to ring him up and says, “You know, I know it’s none of my business, but I thought you were here for tampons.”

The biker tells her, “Well, last week I sent my ol’ lady out for smokes and she comes back with zig zags and tobacco. By God she can roll her own, too!”

Guess What Happened Next?

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After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver,” Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a Cardinal, and I’d really like to drive Today.”

“I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

“Who’s going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 Mph. (Remember, he’s German.)

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. “Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license — and my job!” moans the Driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo Going a hundred and five.

“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really big,” said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, “All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,” said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, “Who ya got there, the Mayor?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: “The Governor?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: “The President?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”

Cop: “I think it’s God!”

The Chief is stumped, “You been drinking, John?”

Cop: “No Sir.”

Chief: “Then what makes you think it’s God?”

Cop: “He’s got the Pope as a chauffeur….”

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A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little TONY.

He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”

The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”

Then little TONY says, “I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?”

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”

To which Little TONY replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,” but I like your thinking.”

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