Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

For most people, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what we’ve been given and savor the scents of crisp autumn days and pumpkin pie. For me, it’s a little more complicated.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

“What did you do today?” I asked. She couldn’t wait to tell me.

“We learned that boys are different from girls,” she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. “My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don’t,” she added

“Well, yes they do…” I said cautiously. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment.

Then she piped up again. “That’s how girls know that boys are boys,” she said. “They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. “Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?” My palms were beginning to sweat. “Um…well.. .” I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject, when she asked, “Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?”

Well I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn’t asked herself that question at least once? “Oh, well…um… ” I stammered.

She didn’t wait for my answer. She had her own. “It’s cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that’s when they know they are boys and that’s when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things.

As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. “I drew a picture,” she said. “Do you want to see?”

I wasn’t sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down.

There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud.

She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it – and I did – she got over her pique.

That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I’m not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven’t looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since!

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

= = = = = = = =

Note: That was the first ‘Turkey’ comment that Blakk Frogg could find, so cut him some slack, will ya’? Sheesh.

Blakk Frogg finds some people waaaaay too vain for their own good. Read this joke and find out what happens when vanity turns around and bites this guy in the ass!

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission, he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. With lust in his eyes and love (for himself!) in his heart, he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, “They’re lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place. Look ’em over and pick the one you want.”

The man dated the first daughter.

The next day the Redneck asked for the man’s opinion.

“Well,” said the man, “she’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice… pigeon-toed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

“Well,” the man replied, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell.. cross-eyed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect. She’s the one I want to marry.”

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

“Well,” explained the Redneck, “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell… pregnant when you met her.”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free myspace pics, comments & graphics

Someday Blakk Frogg will find himself sitting across the table from his beloved wife, if he ever gets one, and have this exact same conversation. Scary, but true.

An elderly couple was sitting at the kitchen table on the morning of their 50th Wedding Anniversary.

“You know,” she said, “we were probably sitting in the kitchen across from each other 50 years ago.”

“Yeah,” he said, “but we were probably naked.”

“So let’s get naked now,” she suggested.

So they both took off all their clothes and sat across from each other.

“You know,” she said smiling lovingly, “my breasts feel just as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.”

He replied, “I’m sure they are – one is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Dear Husband:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good.

I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or anything. Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the case is, I’m gone.

P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Signed Your Ex-Wife

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

And Now The Husband’s Response

Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a man!” My mother raised me to not say anything if you can’t say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that’s not a problem.

Signed Rich and Free!

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Helllloooo!!! Bottles won’t fit in typewriter!

March

Got really excited….. finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…. box said “2-4 years!”

April

Trapped on an escalator for hours….. power went out!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid….. wrong instructions…. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!

June

Tried to go water skiing….. couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition….. learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August

Got locked out of my car in rainstorm….. car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is “C”….. isn’t it?

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days….. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 lbs!

December

Couldn’t call 911….. “duh”….. there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!

What a year!

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Everyone knows Blakk Frogg likes to drink. Therefore, he proudly presents you with a joke about the creation of a new, yummy mixed drink BOUND to make the ladies squeal!

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and asks, “Bartender, got any specials today?”

Bartender answers, “Why yes, as a matter of fact we do, a brand new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It’s a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka.”

The guy asks, “Good grief, what do you call that?”

The bartender replied, “A Pabst Smir.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbucks’ one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes, the Greek guy says, “Well, we have the Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”

And so on and so on, until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion… With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.”

Americas Best MySpace Girls Comments

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The cowgirl replies, “Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia , the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I’m drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” she explains, “It’s just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.”

“Hasn’t affected my sisters though.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

“I miss you! I really miss you! & I tried to visit you, but the dumb ass security guard wouldn’t let me in the zoo!”

“Pussy is like a peach. It’s fat, full of juice, & if you go in deep enough, you’ll get a nut.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“After great sex, she lies there playing with his penis. He asks, “Do you want more?” “No,” she says, “just admiring your penis. I miss mine.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose. How does a vagina look after sex? Ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“SPECIAL REPORT: The police are arresting hoochies w/ good coochies. Run bitch run!! They already got me!” (I’ve also heard this one the other way around… “You don’t have to worry, but come bail me out.”)

“Li’l red riding hood met the big bad wolf at the club. He took her home & asked, “Can I stick it in?” She said, “No, Just stick to the story & eat me!”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“Mr Penis said to the balls, “Get ready we’re going to a party.” His balls said, “Fuckin’ liar! You always go inside & leave us outside knockin’, bitch!”

“Women have unique magic tricks. They get wet w/o water, bleed w/o injury, and make boneless things hard.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“How do you feel abt oral sex? Does it go both ways? If so, then sitting on my face is a good idea. I’d like to invite you over for a formal sitting.”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“3 of my hoes escaped last night. I found 1 @ a strip club, 1 on a corner, but where the fuck are you?!”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

“Snow White was fired from Disney World today. She was caught sitting on Pinochio’s face screaming, “Lie mother fucker, lie!”

So it has been a few days that Adam has been in existence. Wondering what is missing in his life, when he comes face to face with God.

God asks him, “My son, are you happy?” and Adam replies, “yes, it is beautiful here, the mountains are lovely, the sparkling water is gorgeous, the animals are all in harmony- and yet, I feel as though something is missing. I don’t know….it is like all the animals are in pairs, but I have no one. It is just me and nature. It would be nice to have a companion of some sort, you know.”

God says,’” Well, I think that I know the solution to your emptiness. I will create someone for you. She is to be your soul mate, and compliment you in every way imaginable. You will never argue, never tire of her, she will always be loyal, understanding, with the ability to read your mind and your desires. She will fulfill you 100%, everyday, for the rest of your days on this Earth.”

“Wow”, exclaims Adam, “that is unbelievable. Yes absolutely, I am positive that this creature will totally complete me. When will I get to meet her?”

“No… not so fast,” God says,” a creature this perfect is not for free, it will cost you quite a bit.”

Adam replies “Really, how much would you say?”

Rubbing his chin, God answers, “Let’s see, it will cost you an arm and a leg”

Adam remains pensive for a moment, to which he then responds, “Hmmmm… that is a lot to pay. What can I get for a rib?”

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments