Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Some things scare the pants off of Blakk Frogg. . . like the mentality of the folks who made the following MySpace Comments some of the most popular graphics on the Americas-Best.Com MySpace Comments Page.

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

Americas Best MySpace Comments

In the mood for a few hundred Adult MySpace Comments? If so, then check out Adult MySpace Comments before your head explodes and leaks green puss all over your keyboard — or at your convenience. Blakk Frogg really doesn’t care which.

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said,” Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called -(Beer)- The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague idea something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings, in a familiar scam known as a relationship. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as marriage. Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this ‘Beer‘ and the women administering it… there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys. For the support group nearest to you, just look up ‘Golf Courses‘, ‘Bar & Grill‘ or ‘Tavern‘ in your local phone book.

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men can turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1. Argued over nothing.
2. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3. Gained weight.
4. Talked excessively without making sense.
5. Became overly emotional.
6. Couldn’t drive.
7. Failed to think rationally
8. Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

A woman walks up to an elderly looking man sitting in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”

“I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise,” he replied.

“Wow, that’s amazing,” she said, “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six.”

Funny/Sarcastic Pictures… And Your Mommy!

From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes an alleged true story from Central Montana.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local Neighborhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station. Apparently this breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” said the man, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO — he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from party, the police pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the block. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they’ll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr Smith is there and his ! wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police still have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.

Dear Wife,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren’t in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn’t want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

==============================================

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn’t get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn’t come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, “Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?”

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

Whenever a man has something to say, you can be sure a woman always has to have her say in the end…

He said… Want a quickie?

She said… As opposed to what?

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

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He said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.She said… You wear briefs, don’t you?

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He said… Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?She said… Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

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He said… This coffee isn’t fit for a pig!She said… No problem, I’ll get you some that is.

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He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you in the worst way.She said… Well, you succeeded.

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Priest… I don’t think you will ever find another man like your late husband.She said… Who’s gonna look?

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He said… You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?She said… No, have you?

Americas Best MySpace Random Comments

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He said… Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?She said… Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

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He said… Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.She said… Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

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He said… Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?She said… I would, but you’re never there.

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He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you really badly.She said… Well, you succeeded.

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He said… Shall we try swapping positions tonight?She said… That’s a good idea… You stand by the ironing board, while I sit on the sofa and fart.

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He said… What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?She said… Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard.

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AND FINALLY ONE FOR THE GUYS!

She said… What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

He said… It’s not my fault…I ran out of money.

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments