Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

While perusing the Web looking for, um, bacon, of course, Blakk Frogg saw the following information: Hurricane Irene’s impact expected to break records, meaning recovery could potentially cost more than any other disaster in the Nation’s history…

It made him wonder, though… Will other countries hold concerts, fundraisers, etc. to assist?

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In an earlier posting we talked about a very tasty bacon wrapped treat: Bacon Wrapped Jumbo Chicken Franks. Now of COURSE you have the option of using other types of hot dogs as mandrels for the bacon… but we highly suggest sticking with bigger wieners if you can. Size DOES matter, ya’ know.

So what can ya’ do with small wieners? Especially the ones made from quality meat like Nathan’s and Hebrew National? Rest assured we have found a baconified use for those, too!

Just last night we feasted on some Nathan’s Hot Dogs prepared in the following manner:

1. Cooked bacon. As usual.
2. Allowed bacon to drain on paper towel and cool to room temperature.
3. Cooked hot dogs while bacon cooled.
4. Diced a variety of fresh hot peppers while hot dogs cooked.
5. Opened hot dog buns and laid a strip of bacon on each bun wall.
6. Placed a line of diced hot peppers where the two strips of bacon meet.
7. Apply a ‘squiggle’ of mustard (not honey mustard!) over the peppers.
8. Drop a hot dog on top of all that and tuck all the components into place.

One additional thing we opted to do that some may not want to do: We added an additional ‘squiggle’ of mustard over the hot dog because hot dog buns don’t tend to have enough moisture in them for our taste.

We LOVED these hot dog, bacon and fresh hot pepper creations! You will, too!

Yes… Blakk Frogg’s talking about YOU and he certainly has too much time on his hands these days.  NOT!

Click Here for More Slacker Stuff… Unless You’re Too Lazy!

That’s what inspired this product line.  Blakk Frogg works his amphibious tail off all the time and has to endure sooooo many people around him just lollygagging their way through life stopping ONLY to complain and whine about how “life is so hard” and “life’s so unfair”. . .  so he came up with this design to tell all those people just how he feels about them.  THEY’RE ALL A BUNCH OF SLACKERS!

Feel free to share the ‘love’ that emanates from this friendly, polite and simple, yet oh-so-appropriate design.  Or not.  Most of you won’t, though, ‘cuz you’re just a bunch of… SLACKERS!

As record high temperatures continue to scorch many parts of the United States lists like the following have started appearing in local newspapers across the country:

Top ten items not to leave in your car in this heat

Myrtle Beach, SC (WMBF)- In this extreme heat and humidity, getting into that hot car is all but pleasant, but what about the things you leave in your car once you get out? With no end in sight for the heat, here’s the top ten items to take out of your vehicle tonight.

10.) Aerosol cans — Aerosol cans like hairspray should not be stored at temperatures above 120F. They can explode.

9.) Prescription and over the counter medications — The heat can change the chemical composition of medications.

8.) Cigarette lighters — These lighters can explode if they are left in a hot car.

7.) Electronic devices like GPS and iPods — The heat can cut short the lives of electronic devices. In the long run, this will cost you money to replace these items.

6.) CDs and DVDs — CDs and DVDs can be damaged if left in a hot car.

5.) Sunglasses — The heat can warp the shape of frames and lenses on your sunglasses.

4.) Plastic bottles like water bottles — Chemicals used to make plastic bottles could leach into your drink if you leave them in the heat.

3.) Crayons — If it is hot enough in the car, crayons will melt causing a gooey mess.

2.) Lipstick — Lipstick will also melt in the heat, so take it with you when you get out of the car.

1.) Soda cans — Cans don’t like extreme heat or cold and can explode.

OK, so that list makes a lot of sense but it also makes one wretched assumption about many members of the general public and common sense: It made the terrible assumption that all members of the general public HAVE common sense.

OUR version of this list would have started with the following three entries because we know better than to assume good things about the general public these days:

1. Children

2. Elderly

3. Pets

As stupid as that sounds, we have lots of stupid people on this planet who ‘forget’ to get grandma, junior and/or the family llama out of the car on hot days.

Before any of you trolls out there attempt to lay the blame on Blakk Frogg’s doorstep, let the record show that Blakk Frogg in now way, shape or form condones stupidity of this magnitude.

He does, however, hope the idiot that attempted to play real-life, unscripted and non-choreographed Frogger (an old school video game where a frog attempts to hop its way across numerous lanes perilous traffic) near Clemson University makes a full recovery — and lives to suffer the full lifetime of humiliation he surely deserves for his recent blatant act of stupidity.

CLEMSON, SC (AP) – A man has been hospitalized after Clemson police say he was hit by an SUV while playing a real-life version of the video game Frogger.

Multiple media outlets report that the 23-year-old man was taken to a hospital in Anderson after he was struck at around 9 p.m. Monday.

In the Frogger arcade game, players move frogs through traffic on a busy road and through a hazard-filled river. Before he was hit, police say the 23-year-old had been discussing the game with his friends.

Chief Jimmy Dixon says the man yelled “go” and darted into oncoming traffic in the four-lane highway.

No charges are expected against the driver. The name of the man who was struck has not been released, and police say he is not a Clemson student.

On another note, Blakk Frogg loves beer, bacon and beating bigots brutally with big bags of bananas!

OK, just so everyone knows, the folks responsible for More Bacon Please have NOT become vegetarians. Apparently the lack of recent posts has made SOME idiots, er, people out there believe we gave up eating meat.

Preposterous!

We have not given up eating meat and we CERTAINLY have not given up eating bacon. We just cannot AFFORD to eat as much as we did this time last year. On average, the price of bacon has increased way more than our wallets can stomach — despite the grumblings of our stomachs.

Standard, generic bacon rose from its regular cost of around $2.25 per pack to over $3.00 per pack…. an increase of around 33%. Really? 33% and no one sees a problem with that? Hmmm…. That’s fu#ked up.

Brand name bacon rose from its regular, non-sale cost of around $3.99 per pack to over $7.00 per pack! We really don’t need to do the math for you on THAT abusive pricing, do we? Somebody’s getting rich while us, poor WORKING CLASS folks have to ration our bacon intake. Hmmm…. We find that REALLY fu#ked up.

So… What gives? The price of bacon remained relatively stable during times when gas prices soared out of control and costs of other items jumped up because companies incurred greater fuel and transportation costs. Now, however, over the past few months bacon’s pricing has jumped up quite a bit — and for apparently no reason?

Unacceptable! Completely unacceptable! We DEMAND reasonable bacon pricing!

You Know You Love Bacon When… Pigs Protest Your Every Meal!

Yep. We finally dragged our bacon-loving selves away from the bacon-filled table long enough to post another article on this site. Actually, we have not had the MONEY to buy bacon recently due to evil, greedy big business types jacking up the prices on all grades of bacon and keeping us from enjoying our favorite snack.

So anyways, in lieu of a tasty bacon story, today we’d like to share a short and to the point bacon joke that we heard recently:

Years ago it was suggested ‘ that an apple a day kept the doctor away ‘ But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Did someone say… BACON SANDWICH?!?!?

We will never grow tired of that picture. Ever. EVER.

Once again that bastard of a Frogg broke all new(?) ground by digging deep into his twisted little mind, pulled out a great(?) idea, and wasted the entirety of his weekend putting up on the internet for all to see. Yep. Blakk Frogg needs a life!

Check out Frogg Wear’s Halloween Costume & Accessory Blog… or that evil amphibian will start drinking, catch the bus to your place, hose down your front door with freshly processed beer, and leave a large ‘steamer’ in your Mom’s prize winning flowerbed!

Yes… Even Amphibians Like Naughty Nurses!

Latest Immigration Poll in Arizona:

The latest telephone poll taken by the Arizona Governor’s office, asked whether people who live in Arizona think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.”

71% of respondents answered: “No es una problema seriosa.”

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Disclaimer: The mighty Blakk Frogg does NOT discriminate against mexicans, dominicans, russians, ugly people, goat-humping people, anti-Castro demonstrators, flying squirrels, flattened squirrels, people of color, people who lack color, straight people, crooked people, people who hate people OR people who loved too many people, or the wrong people, and caught the gift that keeps on giving…. so don’t flood Blakk Frogg with your hastily written, hateful emails ‘cuz he posted this.

It was funny, and you laughed… so shut your rotten talk hole!

Yep. The answers you give to these questions will help you figure out whether or not you should consider yourself a gay man:

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat… ‘Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, man. You’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or women’s funbags. Anything else and you are in ‘training’ and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings, then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudge packer.

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Disclaimer: The mighty Blakk Frogg Crew does NOT discriminate against homosexuals, mexicans, chinese, greek, dead, nearly dead, mostly dead people, or people that look exactly like… YOU. He simply loathes and detests just people who wear too much aftershave, have crappy taste in cologne, bathe in smelly overpriced lotions, wear too much damn deodorant, and/or cover themselves in calamine lotion for pleasure.

Therefore please don’t even THINK about blasting Blakk Frogg with all your hate-filled, ignorant, anti-amphibian emails.

It was funny and you laughed… so shut your filthy sewer of a mouth!