Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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Everyone knows Blakk Frogg likes beer. He prefers the microbrews and specitalty beers but sometimes, when he feels he need to re-live his younger days, he buys a few cases of the beer (swill) he chugged as a tadpole, er, student.

Nasty, cheap, never filtered, served in dirty mugs, and tastes like backwash from the first sip straight through to the last. Mmmm, Mmmm, Refreshing.

Blakk Frogg thanks his lucky stars that he has a job. Otherwise he’d have to drink that horse piss all the time!

For the record, Blakk Frogg is not calling St. Pauli Girl a filthy goat piss beer. Seeing her cans, er, beer mugs, caused him to think about the various beers he has consumed over the years. He likes St. Pauli Girl every once in a while. Yummy stuff. He really likes her cans, too. Really. He does.

Most of us have had the unfortunate pleasure of going into work with a hangover. Life gets pretty amusing for the span of time that you spend at work after downing a few too many brewskis, taking too many shots, and mixing too many different liquors the night before; especially if you get MAYBE, at BEST, two or three hours of sleep.

So, without further ado, “You know you’re in bad shape at work when…“

1. The phone looks “too heavy to lift” when it rings.
2. You groan every time you go to reach for the mouse.
3. The thought of going to lunch sounds too much like work.
4. Fax machines remind you of horror film sound effects.
5. The clock snickers at you.
6. Co-workers refuse to enter the bathroom after you for fear of what you may leave in there.
7. Mt. Dew tastes like an elixir of the gods.
8. You empty the water cooler by yourself…. And still can’t pee.
9. Every time you exhale, a key on your keyboard melts.
10. The mouthpiece on your phone gets disinfected by the vapors in your breath.
11. Fluorescent lighting above you starts to sizzle your skin.
12. The computer monitor in front of you looks and acts like a spotlight.
13. You begin to sweat acetone from your eyelids.
14. The idea of pooping your pants at your desk does not sound all that bad anymore.
15. It feels like someone lit your eyeballs on fire with a road flare.
16. Although the thought of alcohol offends you, Happy Hour still sounds like fun after work.
17. You cannot, for the life of you, figure out what is so Happy about Happy Hour anymore.
18. The hamster in your thought wheel is playing with a jackhammer.
19. Elevator music offends you… a lot more than usual.

Thank you for reading an honest to goodness Blakk Frogg original.  Now somebody PLEASE get Blakk Frogg a beer!

St. Patrick’s Day: the one day of the year when the 2% of the world’s population that’s Irish gets the other 98% completely shitfaced.

Leg 1: 7 a.m. to 9 a.m.

Rise and shine early. Take a long, hot shower, and liberally use aftershave, perfume, cologne, deodorant and powders afterwards, because by 3 p.m., you will be excreting raw alcohol and other poisons, and without proper preparations, you will smell like a three-day dead cat wrapped in a fraternity carpet.

The bars open at 9, so use this time to prepare. Collect the following supplies and put them in a place where you will easily be able to find it in an impaired condition. We recommend the bathroom floor, between the toilet and the baseboard heater, since that’s where you’ll probably end up:

1 quart spring water
1 bottle aspirin
5 pairs Depends undergarment
1 bottle Percocet
1 gram morphine sulphate
1 oz. human adrenaline extract
1 precharged electric defibrillator
4 Cardiac needles
1 trauma surgeon

Brew a strong pot of coffee. Add 9 oz. Jameson Irish whiskey, drink. Note that coffee should be drunk liberally throughout the day. There is a reason that the Irish invented Irish Coffee; unless you ingest a large volume of artificial stimulants throughout the course of St. Patrick’s Day, you are going to die.

Arrange to be picked up to be taken to the bar by 8:45 a.m. We cannot stress enough that you should not drink and drive. There is no reason to chance losing your license or killing someone in a drunken state when you have plenty of idiot “friends” willing to take that risk on your behalf.

– Use These Links to Continue Drinking –
First Leg | Second Leg | Third Leg
Fourth Leg | Fifth Leg