A Few Words on Exercise

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now & we don’t know where the hell she is! The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. [...]

Perfect Man or Perfect Woman?

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side [...]

Old Woman Demands a Singing Telegram

A telegram delivery man rings the bell to deliver his next telegram. An old woman answers and says “Oh goody! A singing telegram. I’ve always wanted to get one of these.” The delivery man replies, “I’m sorry ma’am but this isn’t a singing telegram, it’s just a regular telegram.” The woman, obviously disappointed, sighs and [...]

Is It Safer in Iraq?

Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U.S. involvement in Iraq, here’s a sobering statistic: There has been a monthly average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theatre of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths. That gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers. [...]

Why Marry a Man?

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it… Then buy a dog. If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ….. Then buy a dog. [...]

English, Irish and Scottish Hygiene

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.” The [...]

Littl Johnny & the Substitute Teacher

Little Johnny goes to class one day to find that he has a substitute teacher. As the class gets settled, the teacher writes her name on the board and says, “My name is Ms. Prussy, that’s P-R-U-S-S-Y.”Some of the kids in class snicker and she says sharply, “That’s WITH an R!” So class goes by [...]