Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Though far away and (hopefully) a distant forecast for events in the life of Blakk Frogg, he must face the inevitable — and that inevitable fact deals with the idea that one day he will have to more or less PRAY that someone will touch his private parts. . . besides a licensed medical physician or an attendant at a nursing home.

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

So without further ado, let us now enjoy a joke about old people and sex. . .

An elderly man really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, “There really is no justice in the world.”

The other little old lady asked, “What do you mean by that?”

The first little old lady replied, “Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. . .”

“Now that I’ m 80, though, the damned things grow wild on the beach. . . and I’m too old to squat!”

Yep. Some girls truly deserve the name of ‘Gold Digger’ and some guys truly deserve the name of ‘gilolo’. Why? Because they make truly ignorant statements like THIS when they think no one can hear them:

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Seriously speaking all you girls and guys who make your living by opening your intimate parts to the highest bidder. If you cannot get it on your own through hard work, honest effort and legitimate means, maybe that Porsche just wasn’t meant for you and MAYBE people would not look at you like a. . . WHORE if you got off your knees, back, etc. — and got a job that didn’t involve excessive sucking, unhealthy amounts of licking, and definitely unhealthy amounts of sweat rolling off the backs and brows of people who use you for their sick little fantasies and toss you away like the prophylactic devices one can only hope you insisted on using for your tryst(s).

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Blakk Frogg works hard for all his ill-gotten goods. Oops. He meant to say, “Stuff.” Honestly. Ask his agent at the Brothel Catering (exclusively) to Wealthy Women w/ Big Boobs, Thin Waists and Neatly Trimmed Beavers.

Look it up. . . It’s a real place. 

Although Blakk Frogg has paid the Olympics next to no attention at all, he has found the displays of National Pride in the stands at various events quite uplifting. Take, for example, this colorful young lady who CLEARLY loves the United States:

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Then, of course, you’ll always have those few individuals who go a bit overboard with their enthusiasm for their country and make somewhat of an ass out of themselves — all in the name of loving their country:

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

In either case, though, their pride in the United States shines brightly and although Blakk Frogg would much rather have a stadium filled with fans like the sexy young lady in the American flag bikini set, he seriously doubts that beautiful babe can chug beers and do belly flops better than the big guy!

A woman, standing nude, looks into the bathroom mirror and says to her husband, “I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.”

The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

He never heard the gunshot.

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

Once upon a time a gal left her guy for a handsome prince.

Within 6 months, the guy had money in the bank, room for his clothes in the closet, could set down his razor in the bathroom without having to move a hair dryer or cosmetics, hired a maid to do his cleaning and laundry, ate great meals at the local restaurants, and was free to go to a bar and watch football whenever he wanted. His sex life? Don’t get me started.

The End

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “Will you marry me?”

The girl said “No” and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

The End

A turtle was sitting one day in the woods, just about to crack open a beer when the neighborhood bunny comes hopping up to his stoop.

“Don’t drink that beer. Come frolick and jump and play in the woods with me!”

SO the turtle does just that, and runs off into the woods with the rabbit.

Down the road, a deer was looking to eat some shrooms when the bunny and the turtle came bouncing around.

“Dont eat those ‘shrooms, dear old friend Mr. Deer, come folick and jump and dance and play in the fields with the turtle and me!”

So the deer put down his shrooms and went off hopping with the bunny and the turtle.

A little bit further down the road, a bear was rolling a joint and getting ready to get high when the bunny, the turtle and the deer came bouncing up to him.

“Oh, great Mr. bear, dont smoke that weed, come frolick and jump and dance and sing and pl…”

Mr. bear knocked the bunny out cold with an overhand right, much to the stunned silence of the turtle and the deer.

“What did you do that for?” asked the turtle.

“I fucking hate it when that damn bunny’s on ecstasy.”

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

“Stand back! I don’t know how big this thing gets!!”

Several men are in the locker room of a very prestigious and expensive golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, …go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$60,000″

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing…the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, “Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me.”

His wife was hurt, but said, “Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you.”

They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, “I’m sorry darling, and I’ve been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we’re being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation; I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me.”

The husband froze at the top of his back swing, and then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers.

He screamed and ranted, “You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul…and all these years you’ve been playing off the ladies tees!”

Some things are sacred.