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Dear Ronald McDonald,

For years we, the ever-expanding people, have ignored the obvious lie that your company cares for its customers as we happily wolfed down the innumerable grams of fat and billions of calories jam packed into just about everything on your menu. I don’t wish to discuss that today.

Instead, I’d like to ask WHY you hire people that cannot speak English and certainly do not seem as though they can read English, either.

Now before anyone gets mad, this letter has nothing to do with illegal aliens, ‘foreigners’, etc. This letter takes aim at US Citizens born and raised here in the United States that have spoken no other language than English in their whole miserable, stinkin’ lives.

It would make SENSE that a lifelong English speaking person could listen to an order given to them in clear English by a customer and/or read words written in English on a teleprompter screen, turn to co-workers and enunciate the syllables clearly so that nothing gets lost in translation — from English to English.

But NO, that does not happen. We, as a public, have gotten SO lazy in our use of language that we drop syllables out of words for the sake of our own convenience even if the syllables had a purpose. Never mind the fact that the party who CREATED the word put the syllables in there for a reason… so that people would understand what the f#$k the word really meant!


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What sparked this tirade? Quite simply, the McDonald’s near my work has systematically screwed up the SAME simple order more times in the past year than I can keep track of and since different employees did it each time I have determined that the root cause of this problem comes from a societal problem rather than the idiocy of one loser with a piss poor education.

Do you see anything confusing in the following statement?

“Hi, I’d like a Sausage McMuffin with Egg, please.”

Somehow it continually gets turned into “I need a Sausage Muffin Egg” or “I need a Sausage (muffled sound)-Muffin” by someone in the restaurant and you know what happens? They give me a sausage patty w/ cheese on a muffin — despite the CLEAR wording on the receipt AND the teleprompter.

You will NEVER get out of that dead-end career path of yours, you ADULTS who keep f#$kin’ up my order. Do you SEE a ‘sausage egg muffin’ on the f#$kin’ menu? Huh? Do you? And then HOW do you forget to add the egg to the non-existent ‘sausage egg muffin’ you took the time to create in that puny little mind of yours?

Musta’ used up all your brainpower twisting a perfectly good food order given to you in English into an ebonically-enhanced, confusing collection of grammatical crap.

So, McDonald’s, although not very realistic or logical idea, perhaps you OUGHT to hire illegal aliens who have taken the time to learn English as a second language and strive each day to speak it better and with greater accuracy… instead of hiring Americans who take the English language for granted and pervert it to a point where no one can understand it…

… and as a result they f#$k up a simple breakfast order over and over again.


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So, Ronald, it will suffice to say that I may have to abandon you as my source of quick breakfast foods. and besides… I heard some guy named The King stole your idea and sells it for a lot less roughly 50 yards down the road.

Sincerely,

– Blakk Frogg

Blakk Frogg has a question: If you go through the drive-thru of a McDonald’s that blatantly advertises on its signs and in its windows ‘Buy One Get One Free Egg McMuffins’, do you order two of them to receive the ‘special promotion’ or ought they automatically double your order if you order only one?


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Seriously… The sign said ‘Buy One Get One Free’, not ‘Buy One and Get the Second One for Free if You Check Your Order, See You Only Received One Sandwich, Back Up in the Drive Thru Line, and Ask Us for the Second Sandwich’.


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