Little Johnny’s neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word “ears” he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said: “What a beautiful baby.”
The mother said: “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.”
Johnny said: “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?”
“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”
“That’s great,” said Little Johnny, “‘cuz he’d be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses.”
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?”
Peter said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show Us your good manners?”
I would say: “Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to meet after dinner.”
The teacher fainted.
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”
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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”
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Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
“Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked.
“To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
One day Little Susie got her “monthly bleeding” for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with Little Johnny.
Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was.
Johnny’s face grew serious and he said, “You know, I’m not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off.”
The teacher of a first grade class gives instructions to the little boys on how to go to the bathroom.
The teacher tells them the following:
One – unzip your zipper
Two – pull your ‘thing’ out
Three – stroke the skin back
Four – take a pee
Five – stroke the skin forward
Six – put it away and zip up the zipper
So the boys go to do their thing and return a few minutes later. The teacher asks, “Where is Little Johnny?”
One of the boys replies, “He is still in the bathroom.”
The teacher goes down the hall to the boy’s restroom and hears Little Johnny “Three, Five, Three, Five, Three, Five…………”
Little Johnny goes to class one day to find that he has a substitute teacher. As the class gets settled, the teacher writes her name on the board and says, “My name is Ms. Prussy, that’s P-R-U-S-S-Y.”Some of the kids in class snicker and she says sharply, “That’s WITH an R!”
So class goes by and the kids come to school the next day and there is the substitute again. She stands up in front of the class and says, “Okay students, who can remember my name? And don’t forget the R!” About five hands go up and Dirty Johnny is one of them. He is jumping up and down trying to get her attention.
The teacher says, Okay Johnny, what is my name?”
To this Johnny replies, “Ms. Crunt, C-R-U-N-T!!”
Little Johnny’s neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word “ears” he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said: “What a beautiful baby.”
The mother said: “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.”
Johnny said: “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?”
“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”
“That’s great,” said Little Johnny, “‘cuz he’d be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses.”
