Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A well dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, “Sir, can you tell me the time?”

The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, “It is a quarter to three, young man.”

“Thanks,” said the boy. “At exactly three o’clock you can kiss my ass.”

With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him.

“Why are you running like this at your age?” asked the friend.

Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, “That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!”

“So what’s your hurry,” said the friend. “You still have ten minutes.”

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Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

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Q.What is the difference between ‘ooooooh’and ‘aaaaaaah’?

A. About three inches.

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Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It’s not hard.

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry.

She immediately said “yes”.

The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was! “Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny…”

After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to the marriage proposal.

“Oh”, she said, “I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was.”

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Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it’s worth it!

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A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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A. They both like a tight seal.

It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses.

On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.

As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the damn store!”

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Q. What’s the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

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A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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A. The y spray paint X’s on the back of the sheep that kick!

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The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

“Need some help?” a secretary, walking by, asked.

“Yes,” he replied, “how does this thing work?”

“Simple,” she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

“Thanks, but where do the copies come out?”

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Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

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A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

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Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him.

“What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”

Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river — look, my suit’s still damp — ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson’s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes.”

“You’ll have to do better than that, Jones,” said the boss, obviously disappointed. “No woman can get ready in ten minutes.”

Bernie was invited to his friend’s home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, “That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names.”

Morris hung his head and whispered,” To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago.”