Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

We salute you, Barney, for makling a burger piled high with bacon! We have not figured out exactly HOW a person would FIT that thing in their mouth, but anyways… It’s a gorgeous looking burger with plenty of bacon!

OK, so we feel sooooo much better knowing that people other than ourselves have gone through a decision-making nightmare involving bacon as complex as the one illustrated on this Bacon Flowchart.

We no longer feel like total losers… though honestly, we probably ought to. LOL.

Oops. It looks like another idiotic bacon web site has popped up. Why do we call the site idiotic? Because we know the bastards responsible for it, that’s why!

Seriously… Did you REALLY think WE would DARE make fun of something without good reason?

Hmmm… Scratch that last question. But anyways, www.MoreBaconPlease.com takes bacon and other tasty meat treats and tells you about them with a sarcastic, obnoxious attitude. So deal with it. Ha ha…

Oh, and up your nose with a pair of bacon-scented pantyhose!

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Oh, for the love of ANYthing Holy… Why the heck didn’t someone tell Blakk Frogg before now that he could get a Humping Dog for the unused/extra USB ports on his computer?

All these years his USB ports have remained empty for NO reason. Poor, poor unhumped USB ports… Soon your celibate days will come to an end!

Time and time again people preach to me about the virtues wearing a helmet while riding a motorcycle. I know the risks of not wearing a helmet. They SCARE me, yes, and I ride cautiously BECAUSE of my fear.

For those not understanding that statement, let me re-phrase: The idea of having my valuable brains splattered all over the pavement makes me ride more carefully and watch out for all those coffee-drinking, cellphone-using, cracked-out, jamming-to-the-beat and eating a croissant bungholes in their automobiles — ‘cuz they ain’t watchin’ for me!

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

What does smoking have to do with this? More people die and get sick in a year from smoking than die on motorcycles in a year from not wearing a helmet — and yet SMOKERS have the NERVE to preach to ME about not wearing a helmet. “You’re gonna’ DIE doing that! It’s WRONG and DANGEROUS!” they say.

Hmmm… If I wreck on my bike and splatter my grey matter on the highway, only I get hurt and/or die. When a smoker lights up, the Surgeon General says EVERYONE exposed to the smoke from their cigarette, pipe, cigar, etc.

So please TELL me WHY smokers feel as though they have the RIGHT and DUTY to preach about safety when they habitually destroy THEIR lives and those of EVERYONE else around them?

When I choose to ride w/o a helmet I take MY life into my hands — and not for a cheap chemical high. Smokers have an addiction that causes them to take the rest of the world out with them.

So, folks, the next time you see me or anyone else riding w/o a helmet, instead of of muttering curses and curse words about how dumb we are, thank us for possibly removing ourselves, and ONLY our (stupid) selves from the gene pool.

Americas Best MySpace Motorcycles Comments

With us gone you will have that much more free time to stop and really enjoy the cigarette smoke from the guy next to you — that’s killing YOU, your FAMILY, your PETS… Get the point yet?

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

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Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

“Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked.

“To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

I’d like to extend a giant ‘thank you’ to the bonehead in the black Maxima on I26 this morning near Cayce, SC around 7:25 AM. From the exterior of your vehicle it seemed as though you really do take pride in the appearance and cleanliness of your car. Therefore it should not have surprised me one bit that you just HAD to toss an empty plastic cup out your window as you sped merrily down the highway. The presence of that no longer useful cup certainly would have ruined the pristine interior of your oh-so-special vehicle.

In hindsight, though… Silly me, thinking you might actually CARE right now that your careless action caused the startled driver of a minivan to swerve into my lane when the cup took a sharply angled bounce off the highway and struck their windshield unexpectedly.

Thankfully as soon I saw your punk ass litter like that I reduced my speed as soon as I saw your pudgy, fat fingers drop the plastic cup out the window so the minivan came over into my lane, yes, but I had already gotten back a safe distance from the scene of the crime.

Therefore no collision took place. No thanks to you, though, my idiotic litterbug friend.

Oh, how I wish I had gotten that Maxima’s license plate number. In the midst of all my cursing I neglected to speed up and tailgate the bastard so that I could jot down the plate number hidden under that dark, smoke-colored license plate cover. Someday I hope to have one of those so that I, too, can drop whatever I want out of my windows, nearly cause accidents, get away with it ‘cuz no one can read my license plate or see in my ultra cool tinted windows.

And finally, to you, dark colored Maxima driver, I say, “Go to Hell, ya’ rotten bastard! You coulda’ killed someone this morning. Prick!”

I didn’t stutter, did I?

A TRUE STORY FROM…..”THE HOUSTON NEWSPAPER”

IN HOUSTON,TEXAS MARCH ON 5th, 2009

Last Thursday Night Around Midnight, A Woman From Houston , Texas Was Arrested, Jailed, And Charged With Manslaughter for Shooting A Man 6 Times In The Back As He Was Running Away With Her Purse.

The Following Monday Morning, The Woman Was Called In FrontOf The Arraignment Judge, Sworn In, And Asked To Explain Her Actions.

The Woman Replied, “I Was Standing At The Corner Bus Stop For About 15 Minutes, Waiting For The Bus To Take Me Home After Work. I Am A Waitress At A Local Cafe…

I Was There Alone, So I Had My Right Hand On My Pistol, That Was In My Purse, That Was Hung Over My Left Shoulder.

All Of A Sudden I Was Being Spun Around Hard To My Left. As I Caught My Balance, I Saw A Man Running Away From Me With My Purse.

I Looked Down At My Right Hand And I Saw That My Fingers Were Wrapped Tightly Around My Pistol. The Next Thing I Remember Is Saying Out Loud, ” No Way Punk! You’re Not Stealing My Pay Check And Tips.”

I Raised My Right Hand, Pointed My Pistol At The Man Running Away From Me With My Purse, And Squeezed The Trigger Of My Pistol 6 Times!

When Asked By The Arraignment Judge, “Why Did You Shoot The Man 6 Times?

The Woman Replied Under Oath, “Because, When I Pulled The Trigger Of My Pistol The 7th Time, It Only Went Click.”

The Woman Was Acquitted Of All Charges, And She Was Back At Work At The Cafe, The Next Day!

Now that’s Gun Control….