Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A smart-ass lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy. He thinks that he is much better than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy’s expense.

The deputy says, “License and registration, please.”

“What for?” asks the lawyer.

The deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

Then the lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.”

“You still didn’t come to a complete stop,” says the deputy. “License and registration, please.”

The lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!” the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

“That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,” the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, “Now, do you want me to “stop” or just “slow down?”

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A recent study released by the Institute for the Development of Ridiculously Stupid Bacon Claims states that consuming large amounts of bacon and sausage will cure a hangover.

“After studying the results obtained from a double blind, half somersault experiment conducted at a friend’s house, we concluded that eating as much bacon and sausage after a long night of drinking will, in fact, cure a hangover… as long as you sleep a lot, drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids, and wait 48 hours before attempting to do anything useful.”

Critics argue that the study will give uneducated people the wrong idea about bacon’s healing powers and encourage people to drink excessively only because they think they will have an easy way to get around hangovers.

Authors of the study replied to that accusation by saying, “Uneducated people get what they deserve! If anyone takes studies like this seriously, well, they deserve a throbbing headache, nausea, cold sweats and vomiting!”

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”

The little boy replied, “My daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”

The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many.”

The boy said, “My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.”

The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds,” and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.”

When we first told people about this pre-dinner treat that our waitress at Four Moons Restaurant slopped down in front of us, many people gave us funny looks and asked, “Uh, duck? With melon sorbet? WTF?!?”

At first we also wondered about the combination but once we stuffed this culinary treat into our feed holes, well, all doubts and suspicions vanished quicker than money from our bank accounts after a payroll direct deposit!

It may not look like much, partially due to the crappy photography skills and equipment that we possess, but it tasted AWESOME!

For those who have never had prosciutto, let alone DUCK prosciutto, you have seriously missed out on a kick ass meat! Now go out and try some, ya’ silly bastards!

If you can’t eat it or screw it,

Piss on it and walk away.

In the past you have read how we save precious seconds in the morning by preparing bacon and other breakfast treats the night before. What you have NOT yet seen, though, may shock you.

Sometimes we get creative with the way in which we store the pre-cooked breakfast treats. Note: This usually happens after a long night of drinking… right before we head off to bed.

Judge us by our love of bacon and all its yummy friends and not by our art skills, please!

An 80 year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, “Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?”

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began: “I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day while setting off to hunt, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”

As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge. He realized he’d left his gun at home and so couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature, but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.

“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, “If you ask me, I’d say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

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While the bacon does rule our Universe, and all neighboring Universes as well, sometimes people go a little too far with their bacon worship practices… and use bacon in inappropriate ways.

No, we don’t mean some sicko has locked himself in a room with a stack of Playboy or Hustler magazines and 5 pounds of raw bacon. We DO mean that some people add bacon to foods that, in our opinion, ought to have remained bacon-less.

As an example, some creative bastards apparently got stoned one day and blended up a batch of bacon flavored ice cream.

We say, “Hooray” for the presence of bacon, of course… but we really don’t feel all that good about the idea of mixing bacon with our ice cream.

Actually, we feel a bit nauseous right now.

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs..”

The rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish….. On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? ”

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

“Your badge! Show him your BADGE!”

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Like a lot of folks in this country, Blakk Frogg has a job: He gets up each morning, goes to work, puts in at LEAST solid 8 hours of work. Every other week he gets a check. Simple as that.

He then pays taxes on his earnings and the government distributes his tax dollars as it sees fit.

Here’s the kicker, though… In order to get that paycheck, he has to pass a random urine test, with which he has no problem.

He DOES, however, object to the distribution of his hard-earned tax dollars to people who DON’T have to pass a urine test. He wonders WHY a person doesn’t have to pass a urine test in order to receive HIS money in the form of a welfare check. Seriously… HE has to pass one in order to EARN that money so shouldn’t THEY have to pass one before receiving it?

Please understand that Blakk Frogg has no problem with helping people get back on their feet. He does, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit around on their lazy ass using drugs… on his dime.

Think about how much money state, local and federal government agencies would save if aid recipients had to pass regular, or random, urine tests before they could receive a public assistance check.

Democrat, Republican, Conservative or Liberal, it does not matter. If you agree with this message, spread the word. Otherwise your silence equals acceptance of the current situation… and you have no right to complain.

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You will find Blakk Frogg at Happy Hour…. He’s the tall, drunk bastard dancing on the pool table — again.