Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

OK, we have had it up to HERE with all these fast food restaurants and chain restaurants filling up the airwaves, billboards and television commercials with their “Five Dollar” and “Dollar Menu” specials. Give it up, guys… Seriously. We get it already.

Have you ever wondered what exactly makes up the components of a “Value Meal”, what grade of ingredients go into a “five dollar meal”, and/or how much better you could eat for just two or three more dollars if you gave your dining plans more though than simply recalling the last overplayed commercial you heard or saw and marching sheep to the slaughter?

Well obviously WE did think about that ‘cuz we wrote a blog posting about it after discovering that in a sleepy little town in Orangeburg, SC we can get a sandwich that looks and tastes far better than…

Example of a ‘Five Dollar Special’ — Looks Kinda’ Sad, Right?

We won’t TELL you who made the sandwich above, but we feel confident you can figure that out on your own. If not, then no one, not even the God of Bacon Him or Herself can help you…

Oh, and did you even SEE any bacon on that sandwich? Nothing! Not even a small, salty sliver! Horifying! Absolutely horrifying!

Moving on, though, wouldn’t you rather stop into a place like Four Moons for lunch where you can get a sandwich like…

Triple Decker Sandwich… Has Visible Bacon!

Now for just a few dollars more we can get a sandwich that has large chunks of meaty, salty, tasty bacon piled high. No brainer, right?

So to conclude, perhaps YOU ought to expand your culinary range and explore some of your local eateries so that you, too, can find your own Four Moons lunchtime feast… instead of eating another one of those bargain priced meals.

The old addage still rings as true today as it did 100’s of years ago: You Get What You Pay For!

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car . . .

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water . . .

You can say 110 degrees without fainting . . .

You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off . . .

You can make sun tea instantly . . .

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron . . .

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance . . .

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one . . .

It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets . . .

You actually burn your hand opening the car door . . .

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter . . .

A formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go to the corner store . . .

Hot air balloons can’t go (at all) . . .

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car . . .

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear, “what if I get knocked out and lay on the pavement and cook to death”?

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

When a man in Macon, Ga., came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.

A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, “Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal.”

The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn’t from Macon.

“Well, then,” the reporter said, “the headline will probably say, ‘Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog.'”

“Actually,” the man said, “I’m from Connecticut.”

“In that case,” the reporter said in a huff, “the headline will read, ‘Yankee Kills Family Pet’.”

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Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker and the other was a homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.”

The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.

No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, “If you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead.”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker.

Since the man doesn’t have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in the nearest Red Light District.

A short while later, he finds what he’s looking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse.

The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs.

So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before.

He notices the same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her and says, “Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!”

The hooker replies, “Hey, old man, what did you expect for $10? Lobster?”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in the United States, given the vast and expansive landscape from which we OUGHT to have no trouble getting the fossil fuel to meet our needs.

Blakk Frogg figured out the problem and believe it or not, the answer won’t surprise you one damn bit: Nobody bothered to check the oil!

Simply put, we just didn’t know we had started to run low and the reason for our not knowing comes from a purely geographical reason.

Our OIL is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Kansas, Michigan, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Texas….

… and our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC.

Any Questions?

The World’s First Politician

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When a woman wears leather clothing:

• A man’s heart beats quicker

• and his throat gets dry,

• and he goes weak in the knees,

• and he begins to think irrationally. . . .

Ever wonder why?

It’s because she smells like a new truck.

….. and after an accident like this one, well, you may need a new truck….. AND a new Ferrrari!

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners.”

“Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money! “I’m Broke!” and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door And pushed it wide open.

“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of
this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”

The old lady stepped back and said, “Well I hope you’ve got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best

Every great once in a while a photo opportunity will come our way that we simply cannot turn down. This time a bombshell of a babe with a Harley Davidson practically begged us to photograph her and her motorcycle next to some totally gorgeous bacon.

Our mommas taught us better than to turn down the polite request of young lady with a healthy rack, so…

First-year students at North Carolina State University’s Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, “In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example,” the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Then he announced, “Life’s tough, it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”

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