A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, “When I get ‘it’ in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get ‘it’ all the way in, I can’t see a thing.”
“Hmmm… that’s an interesting optical reaction to sex,” said the researcher.
“Would you mind if I had a look at it?”
So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!
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It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist’s daughter came up and gave her teacher a box.
The teacher said, I’ll bet these are flowers!? The girl replied, “How did you know?”
“Just a lucky guess,” she said.
Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, “Just a lucky guess.”
Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box’s corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine.
The boy said, “No.”
She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne.
The boy again said no.
Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.
He said happily, “A puppy!”
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Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.
Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.
The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.
Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
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A new primary school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking students to stand and introduce themselves.
The first child stands and says, “My name is Mary Johnson.”
“Thank you, Mary”, says the teacher.
The second student says, “My name is Sam Smith.”
“Thank you, Sam.”
The third student says, “My name is Johnny Fuckhour.”
The teacher is horrified, and tells Johnny that this type of language will not be allowed. He replies, “Honest, my name is Johnny Fuckhour. If you don’t believe me, check up in the fifth grade where my brother is.”
So the teacher walks up to the fifth grade class, and asks, “Do you have a Fuckhour in here?”
One boy stands in the back of the room and says, “Hell, no! We don’t even get a nap hour in here!”
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22 Dec, 2009
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Alcohol|Drinking|Funny Jokes|Gross|Humor|Jokes|Sarcastic|Sex|Sex Joke
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.
The bartender brings the drink and puts the following tems on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
“First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.”
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue… salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys… smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks… this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
In one second the sharp lime taste hits… At two seconds the Baileys curdles. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, “Jesus, what do you call that drink?”
She smiles widely at him and says, “Blow Job Revenge.”
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A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO which costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?”
The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?”
“Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!” states the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?”
“No problem,” replies the doctor.
So the old man leans in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right… but I’ll stick with my Moped!”
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly; WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!
“What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?” the doctor asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph.WHOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH He’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do. Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh My Gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?”
The old man whispers, “Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.”
DON’T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON!
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never smack a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.
The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it’s done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.
Always take a good look at what you’re about to eat. It’s not so important to know what it is, but it’s critical to know what it was.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.
IF a someone says there ain’t no God, tell’em to go tell the cow, she’ll understand better.
Leo was a lion and wanted everyone to know he was King of the Jungle. So he went through the jungle reminding everyone just who he was.
He came upon a monkey and asked him “Who is the greatest in the jungle?”
The monkey, trembling in fear replied, “Why, you are Leo. You are the great sovereign of the jungle.”
Leo said, “Yes, and don’t you forget it.”
Next Leo came upon a wildebeest and asked him the same question. “Who is the greatest of all in the jungle?”
The wildebeest, shaking so hard he could hardly speak, said, “You, King Leo, are the great potentate.”
Leo walked away reminding the wildebeest to never forget that fact.
Then Leo came upon an elephant and proceeded to ask him the very same question. “Who is the greatest of all in the jungle?”
The elephant just reached out and wrapped his trunk around the lion, almost squeezing the breath out of him, and pounded him against the ground several times. Then he pounded him against some trees. Again he pounded him against the ground. In a little bit the elephant dropped Leo to the ground and walked away pushing over trees as he went.
Leo laid there trying to get his wits and said, “Just because you don’t know the answer, doesn’t mean you have to have an attitude.”
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18 Dec, 2009
Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Adult MySpace Comments|Babes|Blakk Frogg Speaks|Funny Jokes|Funny Pictures|Girls for MySpace|Humor|Jokes|Lesbians|Pretty Girls|Redneck|Sarcastic|Sex|Sex Joke
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, ya’ self-righteous maggots! Time to celebrate the upcoming Christmas Holiday with some Christmas humor, funny Christmas pics and other stuff that more or less makes fun of Christmas!
Visit MySpace Sarcasm if…
you like peanut butter between your toes
And now we must begin the list of Christmas postings we’ve posted over the years on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog… so deal with it!
Well there you have it. Blakk Frogg’s official Christmas posting. Now someone PLEASE get him a case of beer! Pronto!
Never name a pig you plan to eat.
Country fences oughta’ be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.
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Life ain’t about how fast you run, or how high you climb. It’s about how good you bounce.
Keep skunks and gossipers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
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Trouble with a milk cow is… she won’t stay milked.
Don’t skinny dip with snapping turtles.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
Meanness don’t happen overnight.
To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.
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Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal. It just ain’t helpful.
Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.
Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
Don’t sell your mule to buy a plow.
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Two can live as cheap as one… if one don’t eat.
Don’t corner something meaner than you.
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar… if you’re into catchin’ flies, that is.
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It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
Don’t go drinkin’ with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.
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You can’t unsay a cruel remark.
Every path has some puddles.
Don’t wrestle with pigs. You’ll get all muddy, and the pigs’ll love it.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.
The early bird gets the worm. But… the second mouse gets the cheese.
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The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a durn good reason for the move. You can’t post: Thou Shalt Not Steal Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of Lawyers and Politicians. It just don’t make sense.
