Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

To celebrate the day when a lot of people injure themselves while puking up green beer, Jameson’s Irish Whiskey, and whatever foods they managed to scarf down between raucous verses of songs they sing only when wasted, or as we like to call it, shit hammered on St. Patrick’s Day, we will not post a list of jokes involving drinking:

• New Mixed Drink for Her Man
• Average Miles per Gallon for Beer Drinking Americans
• The Alcoholic Alphabet
• Old Lady Joins a Biker Gang
• Why Parents and Grandparents Drink
• I Spat in This Beer
• Martini and the Shirt Pocket
• Drunk Guy Waiting on the Corner

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

We figured this posting really and truly needed to get written on today, March 17th, because a lot of you boneheads will go out tonight, get wasted on Irish Car Bombs and green beer, and drive your cars into mailboxes, trees, guardrails, etc. on the way home — or to the next pub.

Let this next news story serve as a warning to you: Don’t be a Botos!

Drunken Neb. man who missed hearing gets prison

Associated Press – March 16, 2010 2:15 PM ET

PAPILLION, Neb. (AP) – A 30-year-old Bellevue man who showed up too drunk last week for his drunken-driving sentencing has been given a year in prison.

Judge Jeffrey Funke of Sarpy County District Court said Tuesday that Jason Botos (BOH-tahs) was a danger to society and should be behind bars. It was Botos’ second DUI conviction.

Last Thursday, Botos arrived at the Papillion courthouse so drunk that he couldn’t attend the scheduled sentencing. Botos had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor drunken driving in a September 2009 collision with five other vehicles.

Deputies arrested Botos in the parking lot on a warrant from the judge, who on Tuesday gave Botos 90 days more in county jail for missing his sentencing on Thursday. ( source )

Scary, ain’t it? That guy caused an accident involving 5 cars ago as part of the events that resulted in his second DUI conviction… and could not manage to sober up enough nearly 6 months later to at least walk into the courthouse under his own power and lie to the Judge about how he felt bad for for what he did and had cleaned up his act.

So getting back to the point of this message, have a designated driver or at least lay off on a few rounds of drinks tonight and… Don’t be a Botos!

Time for Some Fun Drinking-Related Photos!

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Stay tuned today because we’ve got more drinking and drunken photos in store as the day goes on… unless we get too drunk too early at the computer and pass out in our chair. 😛

Anyone with an IQ over 40 knows that Blakk Frogg enjoys going to the beach and the local pool where he gets to see pretty young ladies wearing clothing as thin dental floss to cover their ‘naughty bits’ — and he’s not ashamed or afraid to admit it!

Long live the hotties by the pool wearing ‘butt floss’ for the public’s viewing pleasure! Just please don’t tell Blakk Frogg’s girlfriend he said that… Ha ha.

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One day a woman went to her pastor and asked, “Pastor there are some things in life that aren’t addressed in the Bible; how are we supposed to deal with them?”

The Pastor responded, “There are no such things, give me an example of what you are talking about”.

The woman responded, “PMS is not in the Bible”. So the Pastor thought and told the woman to call back in the morning and he would have the answer.

The woman called the next morning and asked if the Pastor had an answer about PMS in the Bible.

The Pastor replied, “Yes, it’s the part where Mary rides Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem!!!”.

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A rural Texas farmer’s wife came home and found her husband in bed with another woman.

She was so mad – she grabbed him by the hair of his head and yanked him right out of bed and across the room. She dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.

She put his tally-whacker in a vice, and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old rusty saw.

The banged up farmer was terrified, and hollered, “Stop! Stop! you’re not gonna’ cut it off with that rusty damn saw, are you?”

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her cheating husband’s hand and said, “Nope. I’m gonna’ set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do what you gotta’ do!!!”

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A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during a rendezvous, she confided in him she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back.

He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

“Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.”

“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it,” he said nonchalantly.

The wife watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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History: Blakk Frogg came across the above photograph mounted on the wall of an Italian restaurant on the outskirts of Munich, Germany near the old Munich airport. Not that too many of you would CARE where the image came from, but for those that did care, thank you for caring. As for the rest of you, go scratch!

Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.

Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as THE whaling ship that killed his father.

Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, ‘That’s the ship that Killed my father! Let’s swim closer!’

When they were close enough, the male said, ‘Why don’t we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge.’

And the female agreed to this.

So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean.

The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, ‘They’re still alive, but I’ve got another idea. Let’s swim around and gulp up all the sailors!’

That’s when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, ‘Oh no… I agreed to the blow job but I’m NOT swallowing the seamen.’

= = = = = = = = = = = = =

What’s that? You want to read a joke about an old man’s sperm sample? You sick little monkey! Shame on you!

I met an older woman at a bar last night.

She wasn’t bad for 57; we drank and bullshitted a bit, then she asked if I’d ever had the ‘sportsman’s double’, a mother and daughter threesome?

I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:

“Mom, you still awake?”

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The other day a really gorgeous female friend of mine called me and told me that a strange man had walked up to her door and claiming to work for the Health Department earlier in the day. He said he had orders to ask people in the neighborhood to strip naked and jump up and down while he looked for… ticks.

Needless to say that after ten or fifteen minutes of jumping around stark naked while he looked her over searching for ticks she began to get cold — ‘cuz it’s January and snowing out. She said she realized she’d been scammed by some pervert in a funny hat and glasses, grabbed her clothes and bolted inside.

Wow. I can’t believe she didn’t recognize me in those glasses.

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My parents told me to take pride in my education and to this day I still do so. I also like to take every opportunity to share the wealth with my closest friends.

So, without further ado, the Lesson of the Day is as follows: The Letter ‘B’.

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Now tell me…. Who amongst us dislikes the letter ‘B’?