Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL550 and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed said, “You’re bullsh#ttin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well … You started it.”

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For those of you with a drug problem and children at home, don’t let this happen to you! Hide your drugs in more appropriate places!

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Although the whole ‘talking babies’ thing got played out YEARS AGO, every once in a while a funny picture surfaces… like this one:

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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished; so I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptions, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum, u luvum!!

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Never thought I’d ever see something in Walmart that I simply just cannot live without… until now. For Christmas I’d like a “Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp”

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Naturally I wonder what sort of options the Caucasian Sip-n-Slurp comes with. A bib, perhaps? And can you order your Sip-n-Slurp in a choice of hair colors? Body type? Suction rating?

Every Sunday afternoon everyone in the neighborhood would meet at the nearby cross roads and country store to compare their weekend catches. Everyone had normal size fish except this one old farmer who had always brought in huge fish.

The game warden heard about this and showed up one Sunday afternoon. After inspecting the old farmers fish, he turned to the farmer and said “If you don’t show me your fishing spot , I’m going to have to close you down.”

The farmer replied by telling him to come out to the farm in the morning and he would take him fishing.

The next morning the game warden shows up with his pole and the farmer tells him to climb onto the tractor. They head out into this big field until they come to a little pond.

The warden is scratching his head because all he sees is a rotten old skiff, when he expected a large lake and something closer to a yacht.

The farmer said to get in and they start rowing out to the middle. About this time the warden notices that there are no fishing poles.

As he is about to say something, the farmer reaches into a box and pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it into the pond.

After the water and smoke settle, he paddles around picking up the fish.

The warden’s jaw is on the deck. He can’t talk for a minute. When he finds his voice, he starts in on the farmer about how he can’t believe what just happened and starts screaming to the farmer about all the regulations he has broken.

While this is taking place the farmer calmly reaches into the box grabs another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the warden and asks him if he is going to fish or talk.

Simply Frogg and Americas Best

With the approach of Halloween comes the inevitable slew of interesting and unusual costume pictures getting posted on the Internet. Today we’d like to highlight a Halloween costume that we believe may win first prize for most disgusting Halloween costume ever. Enjoy!

Most Disgusting Halloween Costume Idea: Tampon Ninja

For those of you NOT interested in dressing up as a female hygiene product assassin, the Frogg Wear Halloween Blog. It’s got more than 2,000 costumes and costume accessories for kids and adults to browse through. Definitely a good place to look for costume ideas!

No one appreciates the fact that ‘nut hugger’ jeans have (mostly) fallen out of fashion more than Blakk Frogg but someone REALLY needs to put limitations on the whole baggy pants epidemic that has now, as illustrated by the two Halloween Costumes below, infected Halloween.

Pull Up Your D@#n Pants, Ya’ Dolphin!

Buy a Belt, Ya’ D@#n Hippie Penguin!

Please, folks, if you value a butt crack free Halloween as much as Blakk Frogg, help these lost souls out by giving them a belt for Christmas — not one made out of animal products. For obvious reasons.

What’s more American than listening to G’n’R Paradise City in the garage, drinking beer, cleaning the garage, and making sure the kids don’t kill each other. . . with meat on the grill. . firearms safely stored. . just got permission from the neighbor to walk in his yard to stain that side of the fence. . and Free Bird just started playing?

God (or whatever deity you believe in) has blessed this Country. Return the blessing by helping those around you!

Pass it on if ya’ think this makes sense!

Blakk Frogg says, “I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag…”

Spotted recently floating around internet news sites:

URGENT: As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the East Coast, federal disaster officials warned that Internet outages could force people to interact with other people for the first time in years. Residents brace themselves for the horror of awkward silences and unwanted eye contact. FEMA advised: “Be prepared. Write down possible topics to talk about in advance. Sports…the weather. Remember, a conversation is basically a series of Facebook updates strung together.” BE SAFE

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