Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

For all those nasty, stinky, smelly, foul, wretched, level 5 hazmat emergency diaper loads of shit & piss you blessed you parents with as a baby… your parents will return to you when they get older and develop advanced alzheimers.

For anyone confused about what makes the mind of woman different from the mind of a man, well, the following comparison should clear up any confusion:

From the mind of a woman came…

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,

One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to ‘how big is my behind?’

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

From the mind of a man came…

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac,
With huge boobs,
Who owns a bar on a golf course,

And loves to send me fishing,
And drinking.

This doesn’t rhyme,
And I don’t give a shit.

Whoever said getting older means losing all your opportunities to act irresponsible (aka: immature) needs to have their head examined… with a baseball bat. Getting older does NOT mean a person has to give up the right to act like an immature, childish prankster!

Growing Up is Highly Overrated!

Although Blakk Frogg has no desire to look like a trendy jackass, many guys in this world do… so Blakk Frogg would like to give you a helpful hint if you want to look fashionable, trendy, sexy and (rico) suave: “Act like you just shit your pants.”

Fake Motivational Poster: Just Crapped My Pants

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, “Where in the hell have you been?” Larry replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.”

“A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?” “I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates!” he said proudly.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain. “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”

“Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”

Larry is recovering in room 232 at Mercy Hospital.

Visit Americas-Best.Com for…
Funny/Sexy/Sarcastic/Stupid MySpace Comments

Anyone that knows Blakk Frogg knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that he hates, no, despises American Idol. With that said, he has heard of a way in which the producers could improve the quality of that otherwise annoying program:

Add the Muppet Critics as Judges to American Idol!

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man on the woman’s nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

“Is this your husband?” he nervously asks.

“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend, then?” he continues.

“No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.

“Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

“No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!”
she answers.

“Well, who in the hell is he, then?” he demands.

She whispers in his ear “That’s me before the surgery.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

We don’t know the ‘actual’ reasoning for this shirt’s creation but we suspect that its “Stop Being Difficult and Take It in the Ass” slogan has something to do with one of the following:

• The continuing disappearance of personal rights & freedoms
• A new slogan used by TSA at airport security checkpoints
• The latest campaign slogan of a Presidential Candidate
• That awkward moment when a man realizes prison rape stories are more than just stories
• How a married man feels after having sex with the same woman for 20 years

If you have any other ideas, please leave them in the comments section and if Blakk Frogg likes your ideas he’ll add them to the list!

At no time in his life has Blakk Frogg ever considered getting a tattoo and quite frankly he really does not find them very appealing… but to each their own. For those considering a tattoo, please make sure you review the picture below before deciding where the artwork will go on your body:

What Tattoo Location Really Means

So, before you commit to having ink injected (permanently) into your skin, study this map closely and THEN make your decision. Why? Because no matter how good of a job the tattoo artist does when recreating the picture you drew of a lion ripping the soul out of a demon’s rectum, some things just don’t look right on a person’s forehead.

Some women really do need to learn not stare at a man’s long, hard, dark…

… chocolate bar on the front of his shirt.

Wait, you didn’t REALLY think Blakk Frogg would utter a foul, dirty word, did you? You pervert!!!