Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A man was flying to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind

The man had noticed as he walked by and could tell the gentleman was blind, because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he had flown this flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said “Keith”, we’re in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?

The blind man replied, No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs.

Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye Dog. The pilot was wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines.

True story… Have a great day and remember things aren’t always as they appear… except on TV ‘cuz EVERYTHING on TV is real.

——————-

More interesting jokes and stuff like this at Simply Frogg

WATER: It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces. Tn other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of shit.

However, Blakk Frogg wants you to know that we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

Torecap what we have learned,

WATER = Doo Doo

WINE, BEER, LIQUOR = HEALTH

Blakk Frogg wants you to live long, healthy lives! Free yourself of shit… Drink WINE, BEER, and LIQUOR!

To sum all this up in a nice neat paskage, “It is better to drink wine and talk shit than it is to drink water and be full of it.”

No need to thank Blakk Frogg for this valuable information. Considerate this a public service announcement from your good friend and mine, the infamous Blakk Frogg.

Have a nice day…

——————

More stuff like this at Simply Frogg

An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, whereupon the doctor said, “You are in fine shape for your age. Do you and hubby still have intercourse?”

“Just a minute, I’ll have to ask my husband,” she replied.

She went out and yelled across the reception room, “Tom do we still have intercourse?”

Tom answered impatiently, “If I told you once, I told you a thousand times… We have Blue Cross!”

————–

Lots of jokes at Simply Frogg

For all of you that have ever wondered what a ‘nappy headed hoe’ really looks like, Blakk Frogg has the answer:

Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

Any questions?

————–

More unusual stuff like this at Americas Best.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (Hummmmmmmmm)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

————–

Like Sarcasm?

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

———–

Lots more jokes like this one on Simply Frogg

Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes.”

The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”

The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”

The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand… Chunks is my dog.”

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the old donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up!

As the farmer’s neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon,everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

NOW — THE HUMOR OF IT ALL…

The donkey later came back, and bit the dickens out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

============

More like this joke on….. Simply Frogg

A couple from Texas and a couple from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said, “So, where ya’ll from?”

The east coast girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”

The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: “So, where ya’ll from, bitch?”

==========

More jokes like this one at…… Simply Frogg

For all of you that find yourselves broke as hell with the desire to get your groove on, Blakk Frogg came up with the perfect Cheap Date package. Simply find a willing partner and break out the following….

(2) Tall Boys of Malt Liquor Beverage to start the party

(3) Lubricated & Ribbed Condoms to keep the party safe

(4) ‘Loosie’ Menthol Cigarettes for breaks in the action

(1) Key to an Hourly Rates Motel room for privacy

How will you know when you’ve found the perfect partner for the night’s events? Easy! Look around the room for anyone wearing a shirt like this:

For those who want a shirt like that so that everyone knows your intents for the evening…. all you have to do is…. click this damn link!

-blakk frogg

P.S. ——> If you STILL can’t get a fun-filled cheap date even with this very helpful and informative advice, it’s probably because your breath smells like stale, moldy, shredded onions dipped in curdled milk. 😛