Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

A United States Paratrooper was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Paratrooper got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Paratrooper went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Paratrooper and asked, “What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

The Paratrooper calmly replied, “God was too busy today protecting America’s troops who are protecting your right to say stupid shit like that and act like an asshole… So, He sent me.”

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Blakk Frogg says, “Whether you agree or disagree with the ‘war activities’ currently taking place overseas or not, you had better agree that the brave men and women risking their lives for your right to debate such things deserve your respect and admiration.”

You can find other Patriotic Pictures for MySpace on http://americasbestcomments.com.

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I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time.

I explained how I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete… so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I’d been poisoned and was that why I wound up in the hospital.

I said no….. In all actuality, I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy behind her was going to have to be carried out the door.

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This letter/editorial came from a woman who had some definite opinions on the United States Immigration Policies and put together a pretty good analogy…..

“Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.”

“Let’s say I break into your house. Let’s say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, “I’ve made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I’ve done all the things you don’t like to do. I’m hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house).”

“According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family’s insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).”

“If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there. It’s only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I’m just trying to better myself. I’m hard-working and honest, um, except for well, you know.”

“And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me.”

“Why can’t people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America….if you agree, pass it on (in English). Share it if you see the value of it as a good simile. If not blow it off along with your future Social Security funds.”

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Now what could Blakk Frogg possibly have to say after that? Hmmm….. Nope. Nothing. He does, however, have a funny picture to show you, though:

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note: the above picture is clearly an image from a World Cup Soccer match that someone photoshop’ed, in case y’all couldn’t figure it out. Find more funny/sexy/sarcastic photoshop’ed images here.

This is a true story, indicating how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her Class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read, “and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?”

The teacher paused then asked the class: “And what do you think the man said?”

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly, “I think the man would have said: “Well, fuck me! A talking pig!!”

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no, it’s not a pig….. but it IS big and plump. deal with it!

Blakk Frogg apologizes in advance for publishing this list of really, really bad puns. However, if he had to read through these and suffer, so do you.

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16. A calendar’s days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Three men… a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker, sat in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn’t like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her.”

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, “Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn’t like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her.”

The Biker then took a big swig from his beer and said, “Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn’t like the t-shirt, then she could go fuck herself.”

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Some things defy logic, like WHY a man would try having sex with a hedgehog — but never-the-less a man did indeed try to do so….

Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.

But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog’s needles left his penis severely lacerated.

A hospital spokesman said: “The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis.”

Article originally posted on www.ananova.com

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Blakk Frogg asks, “Cure his premature ejaculation? What the HELL sort of medicinal properties could the vagina of a hedgehog possess that would cure premature ejaculation? Oh, well NOW he won’t have to worry about coming too quickly with woman. Why? Because what sort of woman wants to shack up with a guy who willfully fucks a hedgehog?!?”

Sorry there’s no pic to go with this sorry ass news story (not really sorry, though), so have fun with these Free MySpace Sex Comments.

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the low country of West Virginia, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s real.

A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a really dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghost-like in the rain.

It slowly crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride really bad, the guy jumped in the car and closed the door, only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel. The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.

The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the marsh and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver’s window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve.

Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town. Wet and in shock, he went into a cafe and, voice quivering, ordered a cup of hot coffee, black, then told everybody about his experience. A silence enveloped the cafe and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and was not just some weirdo.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the cafe and one says to the other: “Look Bubba, there’s that idiot who rode in our car when we were pushing it in the rain.

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Get yo’self a heapin’ por’shun o’ funny ass redneck myspace comments, ya’ hear?

Good driver? Bad driver? Safe driver? Danger to society?

A lot of people do NOT think while driving, and the following question will help you to find out if you fall into that ‘non-thinking driver’ category…

Situation: While driving down a narrow 2-lane road that the Department of Motor Vehicles has clearly marked as a no passing zone for the next 15 miles, you come up behind a pedestrian riding a bicycle…. and there is NO shoulder to ride on. Also, your lane does not have enough room for both the pedestrian on the bike and your vehicle. At this time you see no vehicles approaching in the opposite lane.

Question: Do you A) Approach slowly from the rear and pass on the left at the first possible moment? B) Approach slowly, sound horn softly so as to let the pedestrian know they need to pull over so that you can pass safely? C) Follow at a close, but safe distance with your flashers on until the road signs say you can pass legally?

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Results: The correct answer is “C: Follow at a close, but safe distance with your flashers on until the road signs say you can pass legally.” No need to take any unnecessary risks on the road that would endanger other drivers, violate the law, or put pedestrians in harm’s way.

Interesting Corollary: The majority of men have no problem with that simple test and pass with flying colors. Women, on the other hand, haver a tendency to fail this test pretty much each and every time. No one has a clue why, though…..