Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, ya’ self-righteous maggots! Time to celebrate the upcoming Christmas Holiday with some Christmas humor, funny Christmas pics and other stuff that more or less makes fun of Christmas!

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And now we must begin the list of Christmas postings we’ve posted over the years on Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog… so deal with it!

• Merry Christmas, Bitch! — a Blakk Frogg Favorite!
• Perfect Man, Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus
• Loud Fart on Christmas Morning

• Most Popular for Last 30 Days
• Funny Jokes for Adults
• Squirrels in Houses of Worship

• Train Set and Bad Language
• You Might be a Redneck Jokes
• Christmas Party in Alaska

• Facts About Reindeer
• Onions and Christmas Trees
• Pissed Off Santa Poem

• 20 Ways to Confuse Santa Clause
• Blondes Decorating My Christmas Tree
• Pedro and His Girlfriend

• No More Ho’s for Santa Clause?
• Reality for Pumpkins After Halloween Passes

Well there you have it. Blakk Frogg’s official Christmas posting. Now someone PLEASE get him a case of beer! Pronto!

While browsing through an unnamed personals magazine, for professional reasons, Blakk Frogg came across the following photograph and figured he ought to share it with the rest of you and call it “Pimp Looking for New Hoes”.

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Now if you will please excuse Blakk Frogg has a few ‘professional’ emails to send to somereal hot chicks who go by the screen names of ‘Dances With Dildos’, ‘Ready to Hump’, and ‘Ready to F##k Frogg’.

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me …. it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got a view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

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One day the little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and! if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test…..we couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!”

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And the moral of this story is:

Always keep the condoms in your car.

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A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man.

‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

‘Where the heck are you going?’, said the wife.

The man said, ‘I want to see how you’re gonna live on just $800 a year!’

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A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin”.

“What?” Said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?

“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it’s going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited!

“Good,” said the husband, “but, why?”

“You work for the I.R.S…… This time I KNOW I’m gonna get screwed!” she screamed.

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After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

“C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the thousandth time, “how many women have you slept with?”

“Baby,” he protested, “if I told you, you’d throw a fit”.

Kim promised she wouldn’t get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

“Okay,” he said, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven – then there’s you – nine, ten, 11, 12, 13..”

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Shame on you!

Now all of you people REALLY ought to take yourselves out back for a good spanking ‘cuz there’s no way in HELL you clicked the link for any other reason than to see something…. ‘sexual’

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Truth be told, though, I guess even I would have clicked the link. * sigh * So I guess that means I need a spanking, too. Damn…. That’ll be the fourth one this week and it’s not even 9 PM on Saturday yet! Woo Hoo! I’m ahead of schedule!

Last night as Blakk Frogg lamented over having to go to bed alone it suddenly occured to him that he had the ability to do something that a fella shacked up with a female companion for a night of raunchy, hair-pulling sex cannot safely do… so he let loose a 10 second anal explosion that caused the covers at the end of the bed to fly up and his feet to get real warm, real fast.

The unlucky bastard with a woman would’ve gotten smacked for that.

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From time to time Blakk Frogg writes some rather interesting things he sends in the emails to good friends…. and this time he had a few things to say about his sex life:

I wouldn’t be able to last more than 15 seconds w/ a woman these days ‘cuz of stress and ‘lack recent wiener activity.

She’d hello and tell me her name and I’d already have to clean the protein smears from my underwear.

So, so wrong and unfair to me. Ever hear of blue balls? Mine are burgundy.

I’m the walking, talking, Special Olympics of sex.

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