Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

While browsing through an unnamed personals magazine, for professional reasons, Blakk Frogg came across the following photograph and figured he ought to share it with the rest of you and call it “Pimp Looking for New Hoes”.

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Now if you will please excuse Blakk Frogg has a few ‘professional’ emails to send to somereal hot chicks who go by the screen names of ‘Dances With Dildos’, ‘Ready to Hump’, and ‘Ready to F##k Frogg’.

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me …. it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got a view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

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One day the little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and! if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test…..we couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!”

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And the moral of this story is:

Always keep the condoms in your car.

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Council Bluffs who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Des Moines and one of my sisters, who lives in Ames, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Iowa City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Bettendorf for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting trial on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Davenport. She is still a part time ‘working girl’.

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Cornhusker fan?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

==========================

Dear Worried,

Can I have your sisters’ phone number?

Signed,

Abby’s Husband

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More Sarcasm and Jokes.

From time to time Blakk Frogg writes some rather interesting emails to good friends…. and this time he has a few things to say about his sex life:

“I wouldn’t be able to last more than 15 seconds w/ a woman these days ‘cuz of stress and “lack recent wiener activity.”  She’d say, “Hi” and I’d already have to clean the protein smears from my underwear.  So, so wrong and unfair to me.  Ever hear of blue balls?  Mine are burgundy.”

“I’m the walking, talking Special Olympics of sex.”

While many people have found love, happiness and contentment in their current relationship, Blakk Frogg would now like to address THE REST of the world who, like him, seems to suck at dating:

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And no, this does NOT mean Blakk Frogg gets hookers.  Not unless you count that time he paid your mom $17 to suck the poison out of a snakebite…..

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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

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The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

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Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”.

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Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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Find other strange and unusual ‘sex-related’ comments and jokes on Simply Frogg.

Stop and ask yourself if you’ve missed out on any of the really cool stuff posted by Blakk Frogg over the past 30 days.  If you cannot say that you have read EVERY popular post, well, now’s your chance!

The top 10 most popular posts on Da’ Blakk Frogg Blog for the past 30 days begins…..  NOW:

• Definition of Perfect Woman
• Take the ‘Are You Gay’ Test for Guys
• Oral Sex, People! Oral Sex!
• Strange Pussy in the Apartment
• Dirty Feet Fetish? Just…. WHY?
• Why Some Girls Get Bad Grades
• Link to Shoplifting Seagull Video
• Popular Americas Best MySpace Comments (Sept 2007)
• Shave That Pussy Please
• Drunk Dialing Rule Book

So there you have the ten most popular postings for the last 30 days. Once you’ve read them all you can tell all your friends that you’re cooler than cool, hotter than hot, etc.

Then one of your friends will smack you back down to reality and all will be right with the world once more.

Have a nice day.

 – blakk frogg

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and puts the guy’s dick in the clamp. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screamed, “STOP! STOP! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO.. TO.. CUT IT OFF, ARE YOU???!?”

The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye:

“Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire.”

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Blakk Frogg has seen a case where ‘sex’ and fire have come together in the past…..

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Not sure what to expect here?

Every other year the Shocker Family gets together for a family reunion and this time, some bright member of the family brought a camera! So without further ado, please enjoy the following shocking family reunion photos:

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It stands to reason that someone will get mad at Blakk Frogg for posting that last image, but hey…. he already WARNED everyone that today’s post would contain mildly NSFW stuff — so stop hating on a Frogg, damn it!

Nothing ruins a nice evening at home (or in the backyard) with the pussy more than having to wade through excess hair. So, in the interest of appeasing the masses and keeping some similance of order in the world, Blakk Frogg has decided that he will take the initiative and insist that the pussy get shaved — today!

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Many of you thought this post would feature the anatomy of a woman getting trimmed, and for that Blakk Frogg reall does NOT apologize. Get your minds out of the gutter! You’re in my parking spot!

 – blakk frogg