Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Blakk Frogg says, “Drinking heavily makes world a blurry place to live. I meant ‘better’, damn it.”

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A guy went into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.”

The bartender says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”

“Yes, I just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy went into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was this time and the answer came back, “I just found out that my younger brother is gay, too!”

On the third day the guy went into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife…”

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Blakk Frogg asks, “Do they have a sign which reads ‘Over 1 Billion Served’ as well?”

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50
HANDJOB: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.

“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”

“I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

“Yes”, she purrs, “I am.”

The man replies “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”

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Although Blakk Frogg doesn’t usually pay attention to a damn thing coming out of a celebrity’s mouth, ‘cuz they usually have nothing useful to say, he will tune in for a minute if they wanna’ talk abour S-E-X!

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“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” –Tom Clancy

“You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.” –Steve Martin

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” –Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” –Rodney Dangerfield

More Celebrity Sex & Realtionship Quotes:
page 1 | page 2 | page 3 | page 4 | page 5

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, “What a great chest you have.”

He tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.”

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, “What massive calves you have.”

The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.”

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.

He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was”

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A hug leads to a kiss… a kiss leads 2 a finger… a finger leads to a hand… a hand leads to a lick… lick leads to a suck… a suck leads 2 a fuck.

So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this ‘cuz sex is like math:

“You add the bed… subtract the clothes… divide the legs… leave your solution… and pray you don’t Multiply!”

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Wow. Blakk Frogg thinks the groom deserves a medal for courage under fire. For real. No lie. Seriously. He means it.

“You’ve got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.

It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it on his show.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the guests. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the Bride’s and his family and his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone and asked them to open up their envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his new bride having sex with the Best Man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After watching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said “F— You!”, then he turned to his bride and said, “F— You!”.

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said “I’m outta here!”

He had the marriage annulled the next day.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing ever happened.

His Revenge: making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000.00 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think he might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this?

• Elegant Wedding Reception for 300 guests: $32,000
• Wedding Photographs: $3,000
• Honeymoon in Maui: $8,500

The look on everyone’s face when they saw the 8×10 of the bride humping the best man? PRICELESS!

There are some things that money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MASTERCARD!“

A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love passionately to her new husband, stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes, and accidentally let out an enormous fart.

She looked up bashfully, and said, “Aww. So sorry… Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud!”

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South Carolina (A.P. Newswire) — Following a string of complaints from residents about unusually large numbers of men cruising up and down the streets of towns located throughout certain parts of South Carolina, State and Local law enforcement agents set out to catch these men and bring them to Justice.

After setting up surveillance to see what draws all these men out, the departments pooled their resources and came up with the perfect plan to catch them. To date, more than 740 men have been arrested thanks to the help of South Carolina’s newest law enforcement officer:

Click Here For A Picture of This Brave Agent in Action

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” his wife demanded.

“I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”

She looked down at his shoes and said: “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”

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“In My Bed, Thinking of You…”

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this

strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I

can’t forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly

during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in

my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

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You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any

reservations, you laid on my naked body…you sensed

my indifference, so you started to bite my body

without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me

crazy while you sucked me dry.

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Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you

were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only

the sheets bore witness to last night’s events.

My body still shows your marks, making it harder to

forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for

you… as soon you appear I will quickly grab you and

won’t let you go, will hold you with all my strength

so you won’t disappear. Won’t rest until l squeeze

your blood out….. you fucking little mosquito.