Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, “You must be a dentist.”

The guy, surprised, says “Yes… how did you figure that out?”

“Easy,” she replied. “You keep washing your hands.”

One thing led to another and they make love. After they’re done, the girl says, “You must be a good dentist.”

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Sure, I’m a good dentist, how did you figure that out?”

The girl nonchalantly replied, “I Didn’t feel a thing.”

The cry arose for MORE adult myspace comments, so. . . Blakk Frogg had to respond!


Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments


Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments


Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments


Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments


Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments


Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

So there you have it, folks. . . another installment of politically incorrect picture comments from Americas Best MySpace Comments. For those who don’t already know, that site has a sister site called Sarcastic MySpace and Blakk Frogg added some new animated picture comments to it the other day.

Now get out there and BE somebody!

frogg

Sorry folks, but the content from this page moved to a new domain: Americas-Best.Com.

We apologize for any inconvenience, and you may flog our grandmothers if it will make you feel better.

Sorry folks, but the content from this page moved to a new domain: Americas-Best.Com.

We apologize for any inconvenience, and you may flog our grandmothers if it will make you feel better.

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass. What made you come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat, and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn come to church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”

Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ you decided you would rather do without your hat than Burn in Hell, right ?”

Murphy shook his head and said, “No, Father, after you talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ I remembered where I left me hat.”


Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

Dear Wife,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren’t in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn’t want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

==============================================

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn’t get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn’t come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, “Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?”

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

Whenever a man has something to say, you can be sure a woman always has to have her say in the end…

He said… Want a quickie?

She said… As opposed to what?


Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments


He said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.She said… You wear briefs, don’t you?

He said… Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?She said… Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said… This coffee isn’t fit for a pig!She said… No problem, I’ll get you some that is.

He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you in the worst way.She said… Well, you succeeded.

Priest… I don’t think you will ever find another man like your late husband.She said… Who’s gonna look?

He said… You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?She said… No, have you?


Americas Best MySpace Random Comments


He said… Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?She said… Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said… Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.She said… Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said… Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?She said… I would, but you’re never there.

He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you really badly.She said… Well, you succeeded.

He said… Shall we try swapping positions tonight?She said… That’s a good idea… You stand by the ironing board, while I sit on the sofa and fart.

He said… What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?She said… Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard.

AND FINALLY ONE FOR THE GUYS!

She said… What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

He said… It’s not my fault…I ran out of money.


Americas Best MySpace Drinking Comments

Blakk Frogg has grown sick of ads like this one piling up in his mailbox. So what did he do? He critiqued a recent one for your reading pleasure. Bold face type is the ad, the regular italicized type is what went through his mind as he read the thing.

= = = = = = = = =

Dear Blakkfrogg-269U,

67% of women desire a “bigger” man…

maybe I should eat more!

From the Creator of [product name 1] comes [product name 2], the most powerful penis enlargement pill on the market!

I’m so tiny that I’ll need TWO products to make me a man again? My life really DOES suck… 

GO BIG…

value meal terminology referring for my schlong? So so wrong… 


Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free jokes, comments and graphics

SATISFY HER BETTER THAN ANY MAN CAN!!!

but a woman will STILL do it better, right?

OVER 120,000,000 CAPSULES SOLD!!!

at a guaranteed 3 inches per pill, that’s 360,000,000 inches or 30 million feet of increased pecker length. Hmmm… I wonder how many miles of wiener that works out to be?

  • Do you want a larger and firmer penis? not in church, no
  • Do you want to give your partner more pleasure? what will I get in return?
  • Do you want to stay ROCK HARD longer? women just LOVE granite between their loins!Our Revolutionary Pill Can Enlarge Your Penis Up to 3-FULL-INCHES. 100% GUARANTEED!

  • Simply Frogg and Americas Best
    free jokes, comments and graphics

    and HOW does one file a complaint if the product fails? before and after photos? signed affidavits from disappointed sex partners?


    And now for a few final words on the topic from Blakk Frogg….

    Blakk Frogg understands targeting males, but he works with a woman who gets ads like this one, minus the commentary, all the time. Oh, now he gets it: As a woman it would be doing her woefully inadequate male partner a favor by ordering these behind his back and slipping them into his beverages at dinner.

    “Wow, honey. That dinner was fantastic and… Hey! What’s this? Your pot roast gave me a woodie!” exclaimed the astonished previously puny peckered man.

    Enough is enough. Repeatedly making guys feel like they aren’t packing enough meat can’t REALLY be all that successful a marketing campaign, can it? If so, then maybe it isn’t the small peckers that are the problem. Maybe it’s small minds.


    Simply Frogg and Americas Best
    free jokes, comments and graphics

    Blakk Frogg feels perfectly happy with his vienna sausage… when he can find it, that is. :-/


    Simply Frogg and Americas Best
    free jokes, comments and graphics

    Having nice sex burns 358 calories.

    Having rough sex [making it hurt] burns 543 calories.


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    Take off her clothes with her consent: 12 cal

    Take off her clothes without her consent: 187 cal


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    Take off her bra with two hands: 8 cal

    Take off her bra with one hand: 12 cal


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    Take off her bra with mouth: 85 cal

    Putting on Protection …

    Hard: 6 cal
    Soft: 315 cal

    Foreplay …

    Looking for Target: 8 cal
    Finding G spot: 92 cal
    I Don’t F#$king Care: 0 cal

    Entry …

    Holding Her: 12 cal
    On the Floor: 8 cal


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    Entry With Different Position …

    Missionary: 358 cal
    Doggy: 316 cal
    69 Lying: 286 cal
    69 Standing: 512 cal
    Italian Hanger: 912 cal


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    Orgasm …

    Real: 112 cal
    Faking It: 315 cal

    After the ‘Big O’ …

    Lying in Bed: 18 cal
    Hop off the Bed: 36 cal
    Wondering why she left pissed off: 816 cal


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    Getting Dressed …

    Quiet and Calm: 32 cal
    Rushing: 98 cal
    Her Boyfriend Opening the Door: 1218 cal
    Her Dad opening the Door: 1942 cal

    Here is a riddle for the true intellectual. Try to come up with the answer on your own….. The answer is at the end for those who are unable to think this one through.

    Here’s the riddle:

    At the exact same time, there are two 35 year old men on opposite sides of the world. One is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers. The other is getting a blowjob from an 85 year old woman.

    They are both thinking the exact same thing.

    What are they thinking?

    Have you figured it out yet? Not yet? Well keep thinking and then scroll down some more.

    Don’t look down! … Don’t look down! … Don’t look down!


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments


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    About This Site


    First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


    • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
    • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
    • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]