Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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Blakk Frogg says, “One good turn deserves another, so turn around, go to the bar, and get me a beer!”

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

“Certainly, Sir , that’ll be one cent,” said the barman.

“One Cent?” the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: “How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”

“A nickel,” the barman replied.

“A nickel?!?” exclaimed the man. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”

The bartender replied: “Upstairs, with my wife.”

The man asked: “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”

The bartender replied: “The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.”


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Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: “I have something I must confess.”

“There’s no need to,” his wife replied.

“No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!”

“I know,” she replied. “Now just rest and let the poison work.”


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A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him earnestly.


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“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be alright. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.

She then asked him “How does that feel?” He replied “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”


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Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua.

But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day.

With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

‘Fifty dollars!’ she would cry out from the curb.

‘No, Five dollars!’ fired back Clinton ….

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.

He’d run by and she’d yell, ‘Fifty dollars!’

And he’d yell back, ‘Five dollars!’

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog!

As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the ‘pro’ would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he’d really been doing on all his past outings.

He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner,

Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker!

Bill tried to avoid the prostitute’s eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled… See what you get for five bucks!?’


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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ‘Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.’

‘What do they say?’ the priest inquired.

They say, ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’

‘That’s obscene!’ the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment.

‘You know,’ he said, ‘I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.’

‘Thank you,’ the woman responded, ‘this may very well be the solution.’

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in the cage with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:

‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, ‘Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!’


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As if fat people don’t have enough trouble fitting into plane seats, finding clothes that fit, keeping food in their cupboards, affording outrageous grocery bills, and maintaining self-esteem despite continuous ridicule from people in their surroundings….. Now there exists a more sinister problem for them:


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So if ya’ wanna’ do that Advanced Sex Position on page 33 of your manual, you’re gonna’ want to lose a few pounds first!

blakk frogg

Ever wonder what happened when Charlie Brown hit puberty? Blakk Frogg certainly did!

Would that ‘blockhead’ actually develop a set of nuts and shove his cartoon meat stick in a classmate or would he spend the bulk of his adolescence frequenting pay-per-view porn theaters dodging gooey stains on the floor?

After some reseach, we finally have the answer:


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Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

OK, folks, there you have it. Charlie Brown had a rough start to puberty but once he got the hang of his newly found appendage, he became a true pimp.

For most people, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what we’ve been given and savor the scents of crisp autumn days and pumpkin pie. For me, it’s a little more complicated.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

“What did you do today?” I asked. She couldn’t wait to tell me.

“We learned that boys are different from girls,” she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. “My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don’t,” she added

“Well, yes they do…” I said cautiously. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment.

Then she piped up again. “That’s how girls know that boys are boys,” she said. “They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy.”


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I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. “Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?” My palms were beginning to sweat. “Um…well.. .” I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject, when she asked, “Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?”

Well I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn’t asked herself that question at least once? “Oh, well…um… ” I stammered.

She didn’t wait for my answer. She had her own. “It’s cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that’s when they know they are boys and that’s when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked.”


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That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things.

As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. “I drew a picture,” she said. “Do you want to see?”

I wasn’t sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down.

There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud.

She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it – and I did – she got over her pique.

That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I’m not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven’t looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since!


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= = = = = = = =

Note: That was the first ‘Turkey’ comment that Blakk Frogg could find, so cut him some slack, will ya’? Sheesh.

Blakk Frogg finds some people waaaaay too vain for their own good. Read this joke and find out what happens when vanity turns around and bites this guy in the ass!

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission, he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. With lust in his eyes and love (for himself!) in his heart, he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, “They’re lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place. Look ’em over and pick the one you want.”

The man dated the first daughter.

The next day the Redneck asked for the man’s opinion.

“Well,” said the man, “she’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice… pigeon-toed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

“Well,” the man replied, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell.. cross-eyed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect. She’s the one I want to marry.”

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

“Well,” explained the Redneck, “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell… pregnant when you met her.”


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First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


  • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
  • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
  • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]