Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

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Blakk Frogg says, “Steven Wright a very funny guy. Don’t know if he’d make a very funny woman, though.”

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One of my favorite comics, as I stated in an edition of americas-best.com, was, and still is, a strange fellow named Steven Wright.

Ever so simple and direct, his words speak volumes.

Below are 20 of statements he’s made. If you’re anything like me, you’ll really enjoy reading them.

  • Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can’t even get into my own pants.
  • The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.

  • Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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  • Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
  • I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said, “Implants?”
  • I don’t do drugs anymore ’cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.

  • Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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  • I have my own little world. But it’s OK…they know me here.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • I got a sweater for Christmas… I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • Americas Best MySpace Comments
    Americas Best MySpace Comments

  • I don’t approve of political jokes…I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
  • The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
  • There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and butthead’s.
  • I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  • Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
  • I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
  • How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  • Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  • Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

  • Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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  • Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wisewords: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been.”

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    Find more awesome Steven Wright stuff at his official website.

    Blakk Frogg says, “Drinking heavily makes world a blurry place to live. I meant ‘better’, damn it.”

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    A guy went into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.”

    The bartender says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.”

    “Yes, I just found out my older brother is gay.”

    The next day the same guy went into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

    When the bartender asked what the problem was this time and the answer came back, “I just found out that my younger brother is gay, too!”

    On the third day the guy went into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

    The bartender said, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

    “Yeah, my wife…”


    Sarcastic MySpace Comments

    Blakk Frogg says, “Lawyers make the world go around… and a very smelly place to live.”

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    One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, “I’d give $250 to spend the night with that woman.”

    Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and said, “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

    She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

    The following morning the man presented her with $125 as he prepared to leave.

    She demanded the rest of the money, stating “If you don’t give me the other $125, I’ll sue you for it.”

    He laughed, saying, “I’d like to see you get it on these grounds.”

    Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.

    His lawyer said, “She can’t possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented.”

    After the usual preliminaries, the lady’s lawyer addressed the court as follows: “Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance.”

    The defendant’s lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense therefore was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. “Your honor,” he said, “my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, which he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted.”

    The young lady’s lawyer answered, “Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed; he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted.”

    In the Judge’s decision, he provided for two options: “Pay the $125 or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages.”

    The defendant immediately wrote a check.

    Blakk Frogg asks, “Do they have a sign which reads ‘Over 1 Billion Served’ as well?”

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    A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

    CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
    CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50
    HANDJOB: $10.00

    Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.

    “Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”

    “I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

    “Yes”, she purrs, “I am.”

    The man replies “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”


    Americas Best MySpace Foods Comments

    Although Blakk Frogg doesn’t usually pay attention to a damn thing coming out of a celebrity’s mouth, ‘cuz they usually have nothing useful to say, he will tune in for a minute if they wanna’ talk abour S-E-X!

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    “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

    –Tom Clancy

    “You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.”

    –Steve Martin

    “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”

    –Woody Allen

    “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”

    –Rodney Dangerfield

    More Celebrity Sex & Realtionship Quotes:
    page 1 | page 2 | page 3 | page 4 | page 5

    The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, “What a great chest you have.”

    He tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.”

    He takes off his pants and the blonde says, “What massive calves you have.”

    The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.”

    He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.

    He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

    The blonde replies, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was”


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    Prior to her trip to Texas, Brittany (a Blonde New Yorker), confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State:

    1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.

    2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo.

    And…

    3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.

    Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

    “Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite , it’s ooooh so good. The taste is unbelievable!”


    Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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    “And I went to a real rodeo.Talk about athletes…those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop,then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!”


    Simply Frogg and Americas Best
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    They then asked, “Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?”

    “Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!”


    Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

    A hug leads to a kiss… a kiss leads 2 a finger… a finger leads to a hand… a hand leads to a lick… lick leads to a suck… a suck leads 2 a fuck.

    So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this ‘cuz sex is like math:

    “You add the bed… subtract the clothes… divide the legs… leave your solution… and pray you don’t Multiply!”


    Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

    The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

    The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

    The man says, “Yes, it is.”

    Boy – “I have a baseball.”

    Man – “That’s nice.”

    Boy – “Want to buy it?”

    Man – “No, thanks.”

    Boy – “My dad’s outside.”

    Man – “OK, how much?”

    Boy – “$250”

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

    Boy – “Dark in here.”

    Man – “Yes, it is”.

    Boy – “I have a baseball glove.” The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

    Boy – “$750”.

    Man – “Sold.”

    A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.

    The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”

    The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

    Boy -“$1,000.”

    The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

    They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

    The boy says, “Dark in here.”

    The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.

    17 Feb, 2008

    Groom Gets Revenge

    Posted by: admin In: Adult Humor|Humor|Sex|Sex Joke

    Wow. Blakk Frogg thinks the groom deserves a medal for courage under fire. For real. No lie. Seriously. He means it.

    “You’ve got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.

    It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it on his show.

    It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

    After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the guests. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

    He especially wanted to thank the Bride’s and his family and his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

    As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

    He said this was his gift to everyone and asked them to open up their envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his new bride having sex with the Best Man.

    The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

    After watching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said “F— You!”, then he turned to his bride and said, “F— You!”.

    Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said “I’m outta here!”

    He had the marriage annulled the next day.

    While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing ever happened.

    His Revenge: making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000.00 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

    This guy has balls the size of church bells.

    Do you think he might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this?

    • Elegant Wedding Reception for 300 guests: $32,000
    • Wedding Photographs: $3,000
    • Honeymoon in Maui: $8,500

    The look on everyone’s face when they saw the 8×10 of the bride humping the best man? PRICELESS!

    There are some things that money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MASTERCARD!


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    First of all, you will like this site because it has lots of sarcasm, plenty of humor, and a healthy dose of everything your dear mommy warned you not touch when taking a shower at the local athletic club.


    • admin: How can people not like this photo? Seriously. These girls have WONDERFUL personalities that just leap out of their shirts, er, eyes. Yes. Blakk Fr
    • admin: In other news, the children ingested so much of the drug that it took their parents a solid two weeks to catch the little bastards and beat their behi
    • Intimate Touch Tuesday | MySpace Comments & Jokes: [...] you survived the horror called Monday and showed back up to face… Tuesday. Good for you! As a reward for your devotion and effort, [...]