Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Blakk Frogg has a friend who likes to drink. Yes, it’s true, and recently this friend posted this bulletin on MySpace:

Here is a list of things that I learned in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) that I found rather amusing. My main reason for posting this is because I am debating on stealing more of Pop’s liquor. I probably won’t, but I’m thinking about it just the same.

1) There is ALWAYS at least one hot chick getting treatment.

2) That hot chick is ALWAYS single.

3) That hot chick is NOT quitting.

4) If you tell nothing but maniacal drinking stories, everyone else in the group will actually try to help you get with the hot chick (proven through countless hot chicks at countless meetings).

5) If you are an alcoholic, you can die by quitting cold turkey. No other addiction can do that to you. (proven fact).

6) Just because you are going to a meeting that has other alcoholics, doesn’t mean they they still want to continue drinking.

7) Talking about “partying” and such is considered “Rude” to people that are actually trying to quit. Why you are talking to someone who wants to give up drinking, I don’t know.

8) If you get caught talking about partying during your treatment, you have to start all over again. Sometimes with more classes.

9) You will meet people from all walks of life. If you are majoring in Sociology, you will enjoy these meetings. If you are not, you can still learn new drinks, new drinking methods, and new ways to hide drinking from those who tell their stories.

10) IT’S EXPENSIVE!!!!! So don’t get caught with a DUI (Driving Under the Influence).

There you go everyone. Now off I go to make myself a Long Island. If I take a little of each, I shouldn’t get caught…. rather than taking one big drink from just one big bottle.

The Champaign, Illinois Police Department, famous for its superior K9 unit, was somewhat taken back by this recent incident.

Returning home from work, a blond was shocked to find her house has been ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps put her face in her hands and moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!’

Last name: ________________

(Check appropriate box)
First name-First name:

[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse’s Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse’s Name: __________________________
Lover’s Name: __________________________
2nd Lover’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________
Father’s Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Number of firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain: _____________

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] 4×4 Weekly
[_] Hot Rods & Handguns

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don’t know

Americas Best MySpace Redneck Comments

Blakk Frogg asks, “Do they have a sign which reads ‘Over 1 Billion Served’ as well?”

= = = = = = = = =

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50
HANDJOB: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.

“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”

“I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

“Yes”, she purrs, “I am.”

The man replies “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”

Americas Best MySpace Foods Comments

Although Blakk Frogg doesn’t usually pay attention to a damn thing coming out of a celebrity’s mouth, ‘cuz they usually have nothing useful to say, he will tune in for a minute if they wanna’ talk abour S-E-X!

= = = = = = = = =

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” –Tom Clancy

“You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.” –Steve Martin

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” –Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” –Rodney Dangerfield

More Celebrity Sex & Realtionship Quotes:
page 1 | page 2 | page 3 | page 4 | page 5

(Allegedly) These are from a book called “Disorder in the Courts of America”. They are things people actually said in court – word for word – taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

More Disorder in the Courts of America:
page 1 | page 2 | page 3 | page 4 | page 5

Today we will assault you with questions that will make you wonder about the very nature of mankind’s existence… or if Blakk Frogg really DOES have too much time on his hands.

1) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

2) Why do you have to “put your two cents in” … but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

3) Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Americas Best MySpace Sarcastic Comments

4) Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

5) What disease did cured ham actually have?

6) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

7) Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

8) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

9) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

10) Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

11) Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural

Simply Frogg and Americas Best
free myspace pics, comments & graphics

12) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

13) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

14) If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

15) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

16) If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

17) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

18) Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

19) Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

20) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

21) Do you now wonder why on Earth you spend time reading the stuff Blakk Frogg posts on this website?

Oh yeah? Well Blakk Frogg says…

Sarcastic MySpace Comments

A hug leads to a kiss… a kiss leads 2 a finger… a finger leads to a hand… a hand leads to a lick… lick leads to a suck… a suck leads 2 a fuck.

So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this ‘cuz sex is like math:

“You add the bed… subtract the clothes… divide the legs… leave your solution… and pray you don’t Multiply!”

Americas Best MySpace Sex Comments

The Doctor says: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”

Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

The Doctor says: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”

Translation: I don’t know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

The Doctor says: “That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”

Translation: I think I’m going to throw up.

The Doctor says: “This may smart a little.”

Translation: Last week two patients bit through their tongues.

The Doctor says: “Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?”

Translation: I can’t remember your name, nor why you are here.

The Doctor says: “This should fix you up.”

Translation: The drug salesman who took me to lunch last week guaranteed that it kills all symptoms.

The Doctor says: “Everything seems to be normal.”

Translation: I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.

The Doctor says: “I’d like to run some more tests.”

Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the geeky kid in the lab can solve this one.

The Doctor says: “Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?”

Translation: He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

The Doctor says: “Why don’t you slip out of your things.”

Translation: I don’t enjoy this any more than you do, but I’ve got to warm my fingers up somehow.

The Doctor says: “If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment next week.”

Translation: I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.

The Doctor says: “There is a lot of that going around.”

Translation: My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.

next ‘when the doctor says’ page

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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