Blakk Frogg Joke Blog

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”

Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?”

God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.”

Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell.

It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”

“Fine,” said God and off they went.

Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision.

“Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God.

“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.

Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”

God says, “That was the screen saver.”

Americas Best MySpace Computers Comments

A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the walls were covered with clocks. He asked the woman who owned the cottage what all the clocks were for.

She replied that everyone in the world had a clock, and every time you told a lie your clock advanced a second.

He saw a clock that was hardly moving and when he remarked about it he was told that it was Mother Teresa’s.

He then asked where George W. Bush’s clock was.

The woman replied “It’s in the kitchen. We’re using it as a ceiling fan.”

Americas Best MySpace Political Comments

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

“Gentlemen,” he began, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we’re about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!” With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am the world’s greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world’s greatest athlete should have a parachute!” With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, “Gentlemen, I am the world’s smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world’s smartest man should have a parachute, too.” He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. “My son,” he said, “I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane.”

The hippie smiled slowly and said, “Hey, don’t worry, pop. Mellow out…. The world’s smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack.”

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

One day three midgets decided they wanted to be in the record books.

The first one says “I have pretty short arms”, so he goes and succeeds.

The second one says “I have pretty short legs,” so he goes and succeeds.

The third one says “I have a very small penis,” and when he comes back he asks, “Who the hell is Leonardo DiCaprio?”

Americas Best MySpace Random Comments

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up.

Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”

“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?”

“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.

“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”

The doctor interrupts, “Nine…”

Americas Best Funny, Sexy, F’ed Up Comment Pictures

So once again that damnable bastard of a Blakk Frogg has pissed into the wind and ruined another pair of shoes… and at the same time created a new Redneck MySpace Comments site. Can you blame him? Some of the shit Rednecks do would make a damn DEAD man laugh!

Free Redneck MySpace Comments

Free Redneck MySpace Comments

Free Redneck MySpace Comments

Plenty more Redneck MySpace Comments at where? Yo granpappy’s trailer!

No, you silly (ugly) goose. . . . More redneck myspace comments HERE.

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out the application, he waited anxiously for the outcome.

The employer read all his credentials and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”

“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”

“It’s called the door!”

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. Michael says “Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?”

The Doctor says, “At least wait till he is walking, Michael!!”

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to his old man.

“Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years.”

Americas Best MySpace Vehicles Comments

Q. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A. 45 minutes.

Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments

A. Breasts don’t have eyes.

Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare

A . They don’t have balls to scratch!

Sarcastic MySpace Motivational Poster Comments